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  • November 21, 2017, 08:17:34 AM

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Author Topic: MLM Bridal Shower  (Read 4238 times)

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jedikaiti

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MLM Bridal Shower
« on: March 24, 2017, 05:51:22 PM »
Seems that Bride's FSIL threw her a shower - with gifts exclusively from the MLM FSIL sells. Totally ignoring the HC's actual registry.

It's reddit, so no guarantees on anything other than the OP being SFW.

https://www.reddit.com/r/weddingplanning/comments/613vbi/i_need_to_have_a_bridezilla_moment_my_bridal/
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Reika

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Re: MLM Bridal Shower
« Reply #1 on: March 24, 2017, 06:10:08 PM »
Wow, that poor bride. :(

Mikayla

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Re: MLM Bridal Shower
« Reply #2 on: March 24, 2017, 06:22:21 PM »
What always surprises me with this stuff is how many people comply.  I got an MLM shower invite once for my cuz, and I called her to ask where she was registered.  She hadn't seen the invites and had no idea this was happening, since she'd given her registry info to the hostess. 


LemonZen

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Re: MLM Bridal Shower
« Reply #3 on: March 24, 2017, 06:25:58 PM »
Wow that's awful. I've heard of MLM bridal showers before (and been invited to several) but as far as I know they were all with the permission and support of the bride. This just sounds like a money grab by the FSIL.

I wonder how awkward that was for all the guests to be forced to buy things from her as their gifts? I know I have declined MLM showers because I don't like the implication that I can only buy products from the MLM as my gift. (A registry is one thing, but handing me a catalogue at the party itself and telling me to buy one of the overpriced items as a "gift" is just too much for me.) I wonder if any of the guests declined to purchase from FSIL?

And without even asking if the bride likes any of that product line?? Plus the bride can't really return any of the items without serious tension with FSIL I'm guessing. Ugh. I'd probably feel like apologizing to all my friends and family who attended and letting them know none of that was my idea.

Outdoor Girl

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Re: MLM Bridal Shower
« Reply #4 on: March 24, 2017, 06:38:16 PM »
That poor bride!  And her poor friends and family, who probably have no idea the fSIL was pushing her own agenda entirely with no input from the bride.

If someone wants to give me a Pampered Chef shower I'm in!  LOL

If someone threw me a Scentsy shower without my knowledge, I'd walk in, take one little sniff and have to turn around and walk right back out.  No gathering is worth the migraines and nausea I'd have if I sat there for the duration of the shower.

I think I politely managed to head my fSIL off at the pass with this one...  She started a Scentsy business and invited me to her launch party.  I declined, letting her know that while I would have liked to come*, I was extremely scent sensitive and would have to take a pass.  She thanked me for letting her know.

*This is true - if it was a party for something I do or would use, I'd be happy to go and buy a little something to support her new business.  Like Pampered Chef or Norwex or Tupperware or Enjo.  Kitchen/housewares?  No problem.  Jewellery or smelly stuff?  Thanks, but I'll pass.
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lakey

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Re: MLM Bridal Shower
« Reply #5 on: March 24, 2017, 11:43:55 PM »
Wow, great way to get to know future husband's sister.
She's profiting from her new SIL.
She didn't get any input from the bride about whether she even likes the stuff.

I don't like MLM parties because they aren't parties, they are sales pitches, and the stuff is terribly over-priced. I'm surprised that no one in fsil's family told her that this was a bad idea.

gellchom

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Re: MLM Bridal Shower
« Reply #6 on: March 25, 2017, 12:57:33 PM »
Oh, ick.  An MLM party for a shower is in my opinion a terrible and tacky idea unless the guest of honor is totally into it -- and even then, I'd hate it as a guest.  And the possibility that the hostess was profiting off of it on top of it is just too much.

The LW lost me a bit, though, with her expression of dismay that "none of it is stuff I would have picked out for myself" and even jedikati's comment (sorry!) about "totally ignoring the HC's actual registry."

A registry is a list of suggestions and preferences, not a shopping list that wedding or shower guests are obligated to fulfill.  Would a lingerie, round the clock, shoe box, garden, gadget, or recipe shower be rude because it "ignored the registry"?  I sure don't think so.  As a guest, I'd vastly prefer it, in fact -- way more interesting and personal.  It depends on circumstances, of course; a couple that really doesn't need a lot of stuff is in a better position for something like that than a couple that still needs a lot of basics.

In any case, though, guests are always free to choose any kind of gift they want.  Obviously, you aim to hit the recipients' needs and tastes, and of course it is obnoxious to do something like buy a place setting of china from a pattern different from the one the couple registered.  But etiquette does not impose any requirement or even preference for choosing gifts from the registry.  The unfortunate use of the term "off-registry gift" makes some people feel like they need an excuse for choosing something themselves and makes some HCs think they are entitled to choose all their own gifts and consider their guests rude if they choose for themselves. 

This bride's comments make me feel like she did feel at least a little bit entitled to the gifts she chose.  Hard to say, though, because this shower was such a train wreck I can't really imagine any bride, even the most saintly, not hating it!  I know I would.  And I'd be embarrassed for the other guests' having been put in this awkward situation, too.

« Last Edit: June 14, 2017, 02:15:25 PM by gellchom »

buvezdevin

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Re: MLM Bridal Shower
« Reply #7 on: March 25, 2017, 02:24:09 PM »
Oh, ick.  An MLM party for a shower is in my opinion a terrible and tacky idea unless the guest of honor is totally into it -- and even then, I'd hate it as a guest.  And the possibility that the hostess was profiting off of it on top of it is just too much.

The LW lost me a bit, though, with her expression of dismay that "none of it is stuff I would have picked out for myself" and even jedikati's comment (sorry!) about "totally ignoring the HC's actual registry."

A registry is a list of suggestions and preferences, not a shopping list that wedding or shower guests are obligated to fulfill.  Would a lingerie, round the clock, shoe box, garden, gadget, or recipe shower be rude because it "ignored the registry"?  I sure don't think so.  As a guest, I'd vastly prefer it, in fact -- way more interesting and personal.  It depends on circumstances, of course; a couple that really doesn't need a lot of stuff is in a better position for something like that than a couple that still needs a lot of basics.

In any case, though, guests are always free to choose any kind of gift they want.  Obviously, you aim to hit the recipients' needs and tastes, and of course it is obnoxious to do something like buy a place setting of china from a pattern different from the one the couple registered.  But etiquette does not impose any requirement or even preference for choosing gifts from the registry.  The unfortunate use of the term "off-registry gift" makes some people feel like they need an excuse for choosing something themselves and makes some HCs think they are entitled to choose all their own gifts and consider their guests rude if they choose for themselves. 

This bride's comments make me feel like she did feel at least a little bit entitled to the gifts she chose.  Hard to say, though, because this shower was such a train wreck I can't really imagine any bride, even the most saintly, hating it!  I know I would.  And I'd be embarrassed for the other guests' having been put in this awkward situation, too.

I get your point, just noting that the bride also mentioned she'd be fine with generic gifts she had not registered for, so I think it's more likely that the Thirty One aesthetic generally isn't her taste.

Bride also mentioned the shower included mostly husband's family and family friends that she did not know well, which makes a registry *really* helpful, even for those who buy gifts not on the registry.  The registry acts as an overview of the bride/couple's general tastes, as well as gift suggestions.   

Which makes the MLM approach worse, IMO, because it suggests that the person to be gifted may really love a specific look/type, so the "suggestion" can be read more as to "brand" than object.  If I see a registry with a bunch of red kitchen items, I may then see a red kitchen item elsewhere and decide to gift that, if it seems it would complement things that were on the registry.  But, if I know someone loves things from a certain brand or label, I'll stick with that brand or label, even if buying a non-registry item.
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Kiwipinball

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Re: MLM Bridal Shower
« Reply #8 on: March 25, 2017, 10:59:58 PM »
Oh, ick.  An MLM party for a shower is in my opinion a terrible and tacky idea unless the guest of honor is totally into it -- and even then, I'd hate it as a guest.  And the possibility that the hostess was profiting off of it on top of it is just too much.

The LW lost me a bit, though, with her expression of dismay that "none of it is stuff I would have picked out for myself" and even jedikati's comment (sorry!) about "totally ignoring the HC's actual registry."

A registry is a list of suggestions and preferences, not a shopping list that wedding or shower guests are obligated to fulfill.  Would a lingerie, round the clock, shoe box, garden, gadget, or recipe shower be rude because it "ignored the registry"?  I sure don't think so.  As a guest, I'd vastly prefer it, in fact -- way more interesting and personal.  It depends on circumstances, of course; a couple that really doesn't need a lot of stuff is in a better position for something like that than a couple that still needs a lot of basics.

In any case, though, guests are always free to choose any kind of gift they want.  Obviously, you aim to hit the recipients' needs and tastes, and of course it is obnoxious to do something like buy a place setting of china from a pattern different from the one the couple registered.  But etiquette does not impose any requirement or even preference for choosing gifts from the registry.  The unfortunate use of the term "off-registry gift" makes some people feel like they need an excuse for choosing something themselves and makes some HCs think they are entitled to choose all their own gifts and consider their guests rude if they choose for themselves. 

This bride's comments make me feel like she did feel at least a little bit entitled to the gifts she chose.  Hard to say, though, because this shower was such a train wreck I can't really imagine any bride, even the most saintly, hating it!  I know I would.  And I'd be embarrassed for the other guests' having been put in this awkward situation, too.

I get your point, just noting that the bride also mentioned she'd be fine with generic gifts she had not registered for, so I think it's more likely that the Thirty One aesthetic generally isn't her taste.

Bride also mentioned the shower included mostly husband's family and family friends that she did not know well, which makes a registry *really* helpful, even for those who buy gifts not on the registry.  The registry acts as an overview of the bride/couple's general tastes, as well as gift suggestions.   

Which makes the MLM approach worse, IMO, because it suggests that the person to be gifted may really love a specific look/type, so the "suggestion" can be read more as to "brand" than object.  If I see a registry with a bunch of red kitchen items, I may then see a red kitchen item elsewhere and decide to gift that, if it seems it would complement things that were on the registry.  But, if I know someone loves things from a certain brand or label, I'll stick with that brand or label, even if buying a non-registry item.

I also think there's a big difference between a gift-giver going off registry and a hostess attempting to force certain gifts that the bride doesn't like/want.  Of course no one is entitled to any sort of gift and I don't love MLM showers (I actually enjoy MLM parties but since a lot of people wouldn't feel comfortable declining a shower invite it feels ickier to me) but there's a big difference between throwing a MLM shower the bride would like (Pampered Chef for Outdoor Girl for example) and one the bride doesn't like.

Tea Drinker

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Re: MLM Bridal Shower
« Reply #9 on: March 26, 2017, 07:05:26 AM »
The post sounds like the registry is mostly for the wedding, or the bride and groom put together a registry of items that might be relevant for both. It also sounds like the MLM stuff was purchased with no thought for "what if she already has one": LW mentions "five thermal bags," and one purpose of a registry is to avoid winding up with eight fondue sets, or 57 mugs and no plates or bowls. Even via an MLM, it seems to me that the sister-in-law could have done a little coordinating, and told the fourth person "three people have already gotten her thermal bags, how about a thermos?" or something.

This way, the bride has neither the advantages of a registry--things that match, if relevant, and less redundancy--nor the advantage of the guests thinking of things they like, or hope she will like, which might be more interesting and varied and include things the bride wouldn't have thought of on her own: "I need a cookbook" versus someone who loves James Beard's book about bread and gives it to everyone they know who is getting married.
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Harriet Jones

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Re: MLM Bridal Shower
« Reply #10 on: March 26, 2017, 07:45:53 AM »
Seriously!  Even if the bride really liked this MLM, some sort of 'registry' would have helped, at least to narrow down a pattern preference or to prevent *so* many duplicates.

gellchom

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Re: MLM Bridal Shower
« Reply #11 on: March 26, 2017, 08:24:53 AM »
 I don't agree with the risk of duplicates being a big enough problem to push guests to choose only or primarily from registries. In the vast majority of cases, the bride can easily exchange duplicate or unwanted items for other things. It's a small inconvenience; not enough to justify expecting people only to buy things from the registry.

TeamBhakta

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Re: MLM Bridal Shower
« Reply #12 on: March 26, 2017, 09:44:12 AM »
In any case, though, guests are always free to choose any kind of gift they want.  Obviously, you aim to hit the recipients' needs and tastes, and of course it is obnoxious to do something like buy a place setting of china from a pattern different from the one the couple registered.  But etiquette does not impose any requirement or even preference for choosing gifts from the registry.  The unfortunate use of the term "off-registry gift" makes some people feel like they need an excuse for choosing something themselves and makes some HCs think they are entitled to choose all their own gifts and consider their guests rude if they choose for themselves. 

This bride's comments make me feel like she did feel at least a little bit entitled to the gifts she chose.  Hard to say, though, because this shower was such a train wreck I can't really imagine any bride, even the most saintly, hating it!  I know I would.  And I'd be embarrassed for the other guests' having been put in this awkward situation, too.

The idea of "the guest of honor can't dictate gifts" becomes moot point when the not-the-bride hostess decides "It's Double Points Month at my MLM. I'm going to secretly earn a big sales commission and get party hostess gift rewards from your shower." (lots of swearing in the reply below)

https://www.reddit.com/r/weddingplanning/comments/613vbi/i_need_to_have_a_bridezilla_moment_my_bridal/dfc0gkn/

I wonder if the bride would feel awkward, though, if she had to return this stuff through her SIL.  I'm also not sure of their return policy.  Would she have to pay return shipping for all the stuff she doesn't want?  It's not like she can just discreetly take this stuff back to the store.

One of the reps over there said personalized items can't be returned.
« Last Edit: March 26, 2017, 09:49:38 AM by TeamBhakta »

Harriet Jones

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Re: MLM Bridal Shower
« Reply #13 on: March 26, 2017, 09:46:36 AM »
I wonder if the bride would feel awkward, though, if she had to return this stuff through her SIL.  I'm also not sure of their return policy.  Would she have to pay return shipping for all the stuff she doesn't want?  It's not like she can just discreetly take this stuff back to the store.


ladyknight1

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Re: MLM Bridal Shower
« Reply #14 on: March 26, 2017, 11:39:01 AM »
In any case, though, guests are always free to choose any kind of gift they want.  Obviously, you aim to hit the recipients' needs and tastes, and of course it is obnoxious to do something like buy a place setting of china from a pattern different from the one the couple registered.  But etiquette does not impose any requirement or even preference for choosing gifts from the registry.  The unfortunate use of the term "off-registry gift" makes some people feel like they need an excuse for choosing something themselves and makes some HCs think they are entitled to choose all their own gifts and consider their guests rude if they choose for themselves. 

This bride's comments make me feel like she did feel at least a little bit entitled to the gifts she chose.  Hard to say, though, because this shower was such a train wreck I can't really imagine any bride, even the most saintly, hating it!  I know I would.  And I'd be embarrassed for the other guests' having been put in this awkward situation, too.

The idea of "the guest of honor can't dictate gifts" becomes moot point when the not-the-bride hostess decides "It's Double Points Month at my MLM. I'm going to secretly earn a big sales commission and get party hostess gift rewards from your shower." (lots of swearing in the reply below)

https://www.reddit.com/r/weddingplanning/comments/613vbi/i_need_to_have_a_bridezilla_moment_my_bridal/dfc0gkn/

I wonder if the bride would feel awkward, though, if she had to return this stuff through her SIL.  I'm also not sure of their return policy.  Would she have to pay return shipping for all the stuff she doesn't want?  It's not like she can just discreetly take this stuff back to the store.

One of the reps over there said personalized items can't be returned.

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