News: IT'S THE 2ND ANNUAL GUATEMALA LIBRARY PROJECT BOOK DRIVE!    LOOKING FOR DONATIONS OF SCIENCE BOOKS THIS YEAR.    Check it out in the "Extending the Hand of Kindness" folder or here: http://www.etiquettehell.com/smf/index.php?topic=139832.msg3372084#msg3372084   

  • August 18, 2017, 11:41:14 AM

Login with username, password and session length

Author Topic: Ms Jean Answers Bride asking about money.  (Read 2222 times)

0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.

GGL

  • Member
  • Posts: 68
Ms Jean Answers Bride asking about money.
« on: March 30, 2017, 01:04:11 PM »
I didn't see this so though I'd post this article.

http://www.elle.com/life-love/ask-e-jean/advice/a11793/ask-e-jean-bride-cash-at-wedding/

I can't believe the answers.  Cash registry? Oh my.

Hillia

  • Member
  • Posts: 3328
Re: Ms Jean Answers Bride asking about money.
« Reply #1 on: March 30, 2017, 01:31:08 PM »
I didn't see this so though I'd post this article.

http://www.elle.com/life-love/ask-e-jean/advice/a11793/ask-e-jean-bride-cash-at-wedding/

I can't believe the answers.  Cash registry? Oh my.

When I got married in 1986, my mother advised me to not register for gifts so that people would be more likely to give us cash.  A lot of people did, a lot of people gave us generic household items that all proved to be useful.  I think that's as far as you can go; cash registries are still not really 'done'.

Mommyoops

  • Member
  • Posts: 109
Re: Ms Jean Answers Bride asking about money.
« Reply #2 on: March 30, 2017, 03:40:16 PM »
My husband and I got married quickly. We had 1 week between deciding to get married and the actual wedding. Obviously we had no time to register. We got many lovely gifts that I have to this day (a month shy of 20 years). My cousin was a dj and gave his services as his gift. My favorite gift was from my dear Aunt who had saved a Lladro piece from my beloved Grandma and also her 25th anniversary favor to give to me on my wedding day (she also gave a very generous check from herself). While cash is nice these gifts from the heart are still with me 20 years later.

gellchom

  • Member
  • Posts: 3620
Re: Ms Jean Answers Bride asking about money.
« Reply #3 on: April 04, 2017, 01:13:44 PM »
I'm stunned that the writer thought that the solution is to set up both a regular registry and a cash registry -- never even discussing the many good reasons that cash registries are Just Not Done and conflating some communities' customs (of cash being the traditional gift and/or dollar dances and the like) with cash registries.  I feel sorry for the HCs who are going to follow this advice and be considered crass and mercenary.

It's customary to give a gift when you are invited to and especially if you attend a wedding.  But it isn't an admission fee.  HCs aren't entitled to gifts at all, much less to gifts of their choosing, whether that means cash only or believing that their guests are required to buy them gifts for which they've registered.  Requesting cash is not only tacky, it's insulting: "There is nothing you could choose that could possibly mean anything to us, so just fork over some dough."  [ETA: I mean requesting without having been asked directly by someone; if someone asks you, or better yet asks an attendant or relative, what you'd prefer, it's okay then to say that you/they are saving up for XYZ and leave it at that.  That's not the same as giving out that information unsolicited.  If you think it is the same, just leaving out a silly inefficiency, then ask yourself if you'd feel the same about a friend who answered your question what they'd like for their birthday as you would if they handed you a wish list without your having asked.]

If people give you gifts you don't want or don't like, then you deal with them the same as you would an unwanted birthday, graduation, or holiday gift -- exchange, donate, regift, sell, toss, or keep.  And thank the giver.  You aren't entitled to anything at all, let alone anything in particular.  I don't know why some HCs don't realize how ugly it sounds when they even indirectly indicate that they are thinking otherwise.
« Last Edit: April 04, 2017, 02:45:48 PM by gellchom »

bloo

  • Member
  • Posts: 1227
Re: Ms Jean Answers Bride asking about money.
« Reply #4 on: April 04, 2017, 01:51:12 PM »
Amen,  gellchom.

CrazyDaffodilLady

  • Member
  • Posts: 1404
Re: Ms Jean Answers Bride asking about money.
« Reply #5 on: April 07, 2017, 01:36:00 AM »
What exactly is a cash registry?
Do you create a list at the bank, listing how many tens, twenties and hundred-dollar bills you want?  Maybe add a couple of $500 bills to the list in case some people want to give a group gift?
 :D
It takes two people to play tug of war. If you don't want to play, don't pick up the rope.

Katana_Geldar

  • Member
  • Posts: 1402
Re: Ms Jean Answers Bride asking about money.
« Reply #6 on: April 07, 2017, 03:07:13 AM »
Is it like a honeymoon registry? I don't like those, and I like giving gifts as it's nice to honk what the couple will like to use.

We had a gift registry, but it was more for the ease of our guests who could come long distances as they could have them shipped to us for a small additional charge. And even if you don't buy from registry, they're a good guide.

iridaceae

  • Boring in real life as well
  • Member
  • Posts: 3540
Re: Ms Jean Answers Bride asking about money.
« Reply #7 on: April 07, 2017, 08:07:57 AM »
If they let it be known that they are moving to an apartment in LA lots of people will probably decide to give them cash anyhow. Less to pack.
Nothing to see here.

Klein Bottle

  • Member
  • Posts: 2326
Re: Ms Jean Answers Bride asking about money.
« Reply #8 on: April 07, 2017, 01:36:37 PM »
We were in our early thirties when we got married, and thus had already accumulated most of the household items we needed. We didn't have a gift registry, but it wasn't intended as a sly means to a cash grab. It was because I am not a "stuff" lover, and couldn't think of a sufficient number of things I wanted or needed to justify a registry.

Most people gave us cash, which is the custom where we luved, anyway. And the actual gifts we received were lovely. I felt so humbled and appreciative of the fact that so many people showed up to help us celebrate our special day, and were so generous with their gifts. One of my favorite items received was a hand made ceramic statue, given to me by the daughter of a coworker; I had spent some time with her and given some advice and help. It's loud and gaudy and tacky...and an absolute delight!  My marriage didn't last, but I held onto the ceramic piece because it was a loving, thoughtful gift.
Soft silly music is meaningful, magical