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  • April 25, 2017, 07:52:03 PM

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Author Topic: 'Entrance fee' to attend a friend's party?  (Read 2741 times)

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hopeful4

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'Entrance fee' to attend a friend's party?
« on: April 21, 2017, 07:05:25 AM »
I have been hearing more and more about parties where the 'guests' are expected to pay to attend.  I haven't experienced this personally, and am not sure how I would react if I did.  But like the LW in the Dear Abby column, I am wondering if this is becoming a trend:

http://www.uexpress.com/dearabby/2017/4/21/1/charging-admission-to-retirement-parties-is

Reika

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Re: 'Entrance fee' to attend a friend's party?
« Reply #1 on: April 21, 2017, 07:23:48 AM »
For once I completely agree with Abby on her advice.  I was going to say I can't believe people would do this, but sadly I can. It is obnoxiously rude to do.

MrTango

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Re: 'Entrance fee' to attend a friend's party?
« Reply #2 on: April 21, 2017, 07:34:53 AM »
It's one thing to say "Hey, friend, I'm going to the sportsball game on Saturday.  If you're interested in joining me, tickets are $10"  I think this is fine to do as it's clear that you aren't hosting.

It's something entirely different to expect someone to pay cash to attend a party you are supposedly "hosting."

Kaypeep

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Re: 'Entrance fee' to attend a friend's party?
« Reply #3 on: April 21, 2017, 08:22:14 AM »
My brother works for the city sanitation dept.  They often have retirement parties where people pay ahead of time and go.  I don't think there's anything rude about it.  The city is not a private company, there is no budget to host retirement parties for staff.  If friends want to get together and pay their own way I think it's totally fine.  Most of these parties are mini-reunions where other retirees or staff from other sites show up (as some men work at many sites through the course of their career, thus making friends all over the city.)  If anything it makes planning very easy because they always know how many guests will be there, and no one is left footing the bill.

FoxPaws

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Re: 'Entrance fee' to attend a friend's party?
« Reply #4 on: April 21, 2017, 08:49:57 AM »
My first thought was that the parties were being thrown for the retirees by children or grandchildren who lacked the experience to know how tacky it looked.  It's possible the guests of honor have no idea this is going on. My second thought was that at least they mentioned it ahead of time instead of springing on the guests at arrival or passing the hat during the party.

Kaypeep brings up an interesting perspective, but I got the impression from the letter that these parties were being (not) hosted by individuals and that this was not the norm.

I agree with Abby on this one - I'd either not go at all or if I did, I would certainly not feel compelled to take a gift.
I am so a lady. And if you say I'm not, I'll slug you. - Cindy Brady

Reika

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Re: 'Entrance fee' to attend a friend's party?
« Reply #5 on: April 21, 2017, 10:30:37 AM »
If it were a company sponsored event, I don't think the LW would have asked about it, because that's pretty typical.  This sounded more like a private party.

DaDancingPsych

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Re: 'Entrance fee' to attend a friend's party?
« Reply #6 on: April 21, 2017, 11:44:28 AM »
There used to be rent house parties in which people did pay to attend the party, drink bootleg alcohol, and the funds were used to help someone pay their rent.

But a retirement party where you pay?!? No thanks! Isn't it enough that you get to rub your retirement in my face!!!  =P

Dazi

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Re: 'Entrance fee' to attend a friend's party?
« Reply #7 on: April 21, 2017, 11:56:32 AM »
I'd only expect a door fee at a kegger/frat party. Even then, it was typically $5 a head ($10 being the highest I've ever seen).
Meditate. Live purely. Quiet the mind. Do your work with mastery. Like the moon, come out from behind the clouds! Shine. ---Gautama Buddah





miranova

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Re: 'Entrance fee' to attend a friend's party?
« Reply #8 on: April 21, 2017, 12:37:17 PM »
Ugh, so tacky.

I did have to laugh reading the comments in the article.  Someone compared this to eating out without tipping which lead to hundreds of comments about tipping, and none about the actual letter!   ;D

petpet

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Re: 'Entrance fee' to attend a friend's party?
« Reply #9 on: April 21, 2017, 01:21:43 PM »
I just received a retirement party invitation a few weeks ago with a $20 a head cover charge and a form where I can contribute to a gift fund. I was quite taken aback! I'm happy to see Abby agrees. I'm sad I'll be missing out on the party - it's for someone I don't see often and respect a lot - but the $20 gets me only some hors d'oeurves for a party taking place at dinner time, and it's a cash bar to boot. I'll be sending my regrets along with a card for the retiree.

nutraxfornerves

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Re: 'Entrance fee' to attend a friend's party?
« Reply #10 on: April 21, 2017, 01:47:27 PM »
There is indeed a bit of ambiguity in the article about who is organizing the party.

In government and academic circles, it is very common for such parties to be no-host, in fact, it may actually be illegal for the employer to pay for it. The party is organized by the honoree's coworkers and/or supervisor.

However, the announcement doesn't usually talk about an "entrance fee." It's usually something like "Come join us for dinner at Chez Magnifico as we honor Sally Jones on her retirement. June 15. $25 per person. No host bar"  There will be information on who is collecting the money and how to add a contribution for a gift. 

Nutrax
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miranova

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Re: 'Entrance fee' to attend a friend's party?
« Reply #11 on: April 21, 2017, 07:26:53 PM »
Having worked in government jobs myself, I can confirm that any parties are pay your own way.  And I'm fine with that, as long as it's phrased correctly.  "Let's all get together at the ale house on Friday night to give Bob a send off" is fine.  I assume in that situation I'm paying for my food and drink.  But if I got a real invitation to someone's home or a private venue and was asked for an entrance fee, that's different.  If you plan the party and choose the food and drink, you pay the bill.  If you want it to be dutch, you should let people order what they want or nothing at all.  That's my take on it, anyway.

Tea Drinker

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Re: 'Entrance fee' to attend a friend's party?
« Reply #12 on: April 22, 2017, 05:25:01 PM »
I agree--this is tacky, and I wouldn't go.

If you need to ask for donations, tell me what you're raising money for and I'll decide whether I want to contribute, either by making a donation or by bidding in the charity auction, buying cookies, or getting a ticket for a benefit concert. (I have checked the "please don't send tote bag" or "no, I don't want either gift" box on more than one donation form over the years.)

However, the chances that I will buy chocolate chip cookies from your bake sale goes way down if there's no indication of what you're raising money for (or, of course, if it's for the Anti-Stripe Society and I'm pro-Stripe). I may not actually care whether it's for the Genghis Khan Middle School Quidditch Team rather than the Society for the Protection of Teapots, but if it doesn't say what it's for I'm going to assume someone just thought that here was a market for cookies, and "do I want these cookies baked by some random amateur?" is a different question than "do I want to help support the local middle school?"

Any advice that requires the use of a time machine may safely be ignored.

Erich L-ster

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Re: 'Entrance fee' to attend a friend's party?
« Reply #13 on: April 22, 2017, 05:34:05 PM »
The only pay party I can think of that's not tacky is a group of friends all chipping in for food and drinks. It wouldn't be "I'm throwing a party give me money" it would be "Want to have a party? Can you bring X and I'll bring Y or we can chip in and buy XY." It would be a very informal situation.

jpcher

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Re: 'Entrance fee' to attend a friend's party?
« Reply #14 on: April 23, 2017, 12:40:52 PM »
This actually is the norm for my workplace. The company used to pay an allotment for retirement parties but budget cuts and all that cause the parties to now be non-hosted. The 'entrance fee' covers apps and monies toward a gift. The parties are usually held at the local tavern type establishment and have a cash bar. For a situation like this? I see absolutely no reason why one, two or even five CWs should foot the entire bill and the party should be paid for by all attendees except for the honoree.

I understand if the party is hosted by a family member in someones home which includes close family members as guests then it is tacky to charge an entrance fee.