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  • November 24, 2017, 06:34:17 PM

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Author Topic: Cake maker stress  (Read 8882 times)

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forsythia

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Re: Cake maker stress
« Reply #45 on: April 29, 2017, 02:28:05 PM »


Yay!  I love all things lemon cake, glad to see our Vulcan Mind Meld was happening properly :D


A Star Trek reference! Love it. I will let you know how it turns out.


pro tip: after cutting, flip the cakes upside down so the perfectly flat bottom is now the top.  Also depending on the jam you're using.  Heat it a bit and thin it with simple syrup to aid in spreading it out on the cake with the least amount of crumbs.

*thumbs up* Got it. Thanks again.


forsythia

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Re: Cake maker stress
« Reply #46 on: April 29, 2017, 02:38:18 PM »

Generally speaking, I think that when someone offers to do you a favour for free, they have some leeway as to the details - but they should definitely take your preferences into account. I think if you (general you, the person for whom the favour is being done) wants something very specific, you're better off going with a paid professional.


You're right on all points. This has been a lesson for me.


In this case, it's a shame this lady flaked out at the last minute, but I think you're doing the right thing in taking back carriage of this task yourself.


Thank you for saying so. I wavered as I felt I was reneging on an acceptance. However, this is a case I have come to see as just  two people unfortunately not having a meeting of the minds and that can happen and is okay too. Best to recognize it and not let it get to the stage of fallen cake territory.





forsythia

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Re: Cake maker stress
« Reply #47 on: April 29, 2017, 02:47:25 PM »
Forsythia you sound really excited to be making your own cake!

I am!  :)

I had already considered bakeries, but as I live outside of the city (not far but enough to add on unwanted hassle with travel time logistics), and my close area has scant to choose from, and then talking with my adult DD2 the DIY solution presented itself as perfect. She had originally offered to take some time out of her schedule next week to make some finger desserts on her own for later in the reception, which would have been lovely as well, but this is actually much nicer - doing the cake together.


jedikaiti

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Re: Cake maker stress
« Reply #48 on: April 29, 2017, 03:18:48 PM »
OK, that sounds really awesome. If it weren't for the fact that my husband is very much averse to lemon in any baked goods, I'd ask him to whip me up one. :-)

 ;D

Averse to lemon? Say, it isn't so.  ;) I always feel sorry for people when they have a strong aversion to a flavour that I find wonderfully pleasing and think it sad for them to be missing out.  Taste, it is such an individual thing, eh. Good thing. It is like the French say, "Vive la différence!"

He OD'd on the lemon cookies baked in a high school home ec class - now when we bake something that calls for lemon zest or lemon whatever, we use orange instead. :-)
What part of v_e = \sqrt{\frac{2GM}{r}} don't you understand? It's only rocket science!

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forsythia

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Re: Cake maker stress
« Reply #49 on: April 29, 2017, 03:23:54 PM »


I agree with the idea that when someone is doing you a favor, or they're indulging in their hobby in order to help you, they expect to do things their way more than yours.

It's precisely why I wouldn't let my FIL make a cabinet for me, and it's why I didn't get the best result when he made a plant stand and a light fixture.

He had his own ideas, and he did them, and they are NOT my taste. IMO, they ruin the look of the thing. One the plant stand, I actually dismantled part of the trim because I knew he wouldn't see it, and I hated it.

When I care about how something looks, or how it's made, etc., I've learned the hard way to NOT let the concept of a favor enter in.

Or if I accept a favor, I have to make myself be willing to accept whatever the end result is.

And I think that's part of it.


These are all great life wisdom points. I thought I knew these things. Apparently not. It is funny how sometimes it takes a second go-round for it to truly sink in.



But I also think this lady may just live in the chaos and flakiness--she may like the IDEA of the project, as a mental exercise more than the concept of doing something someone can actually use/like. Hence all those questions about all sorts of unrelated things.


There is that. It has taught me to be more on the ball about immediate and overly enthusiastic offerings.


You were smart to decide to bail on her, and that was good wording.
It's also a good lesson for you, and now that you've shared it here, hopefully a lesson for someone else.

Yup. Live and learn! If this thread does end up as a lesson for anyone else, all the better. :)



forsythia

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Re: Cake maker stress
« Reply #50 on: April 29, 2017, 03:36:26 PM »

He OD'd on the lemon cookies baked in a high school home ec class - now when we bake something that calls for lemon zest or lemon whatever, we use orange instead. :-)

Ahhh, well that will do it. Poor guy. I can sympathize.

I had a similar thing happen with a certain alcohol beverage I was peer pressured into drinking as a teen. After becoming violently ill from it, I was seriously put off of for 30 odd years and still do not like very much.

Then there was the mince meat pies episode. My dad, who can make anything in the kitchen, decided to make mince meat pies one Christmas when I was a kid, as he had tried one from a co-worker and got the recipe. It is not something in our ethnic heritage and he, nor anyone in our family for that matter, was familiar with. They were amaaazing. I ate so many that I became sick. This is not something I am given to doing.  Just to make that clear lol. But holy moly they were goood! I have not been able to eat mince meat pie, since.


[Correction: I have made this mistake before. I don't know why I persist in inserting the meat in the name.]
« Last Edit: April 29, 2017, 03:52:53 PM by forsythia »

Mustard

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Re: Cake maker stress
« Reply #51 on: April 29, 2017, 03:41:49 PM »
Just curious Forsythia; did you OD on mince pies as in fruit and spices or did they actually have minced meat in them?

forsythia

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Re: Cake maker stress
« Reply #52 on: April 29, 2017, 03:50:54 PM »
@Mustard,

They were the sweet and savoury fruity ones. No meat in them.


TootsNYC

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Re: Cake maker stress
« Reply #53 on: April 29, 2017, 08:23:56 PM »
Quote
It is funny how sometimes it takes a second go-round for it to truly sink in.

Sometimes it takes a third or fourth.

Don't ask me how I know this.

Harriet Jones

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Re: Cake maker stress
« Reply #54 on: May 01, 2017, 08:18:34 AM »
I ran across this information a few days ago and it reminded me of your situation, OP.    If you happened to have a groom's cake and people were giving you the side-eye about it, you can just tell them it's a British tradition dating back to the Victorian era.  It's not just something from the Southern US.

http://www.laweekly.com/restaurants/prince-williams-grooms-cake-revealed-the-royal-familys-chocolate-biscuit-cake-recipe-2383631




forsythia

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Re: Cake maker stress
« Reply #55 on: May 01, 2017, 03:20:16 PM »
Sometimes it takes a third or fourth.

Don't ask me how I know this.

 True. Don't ask me how I know, either.  :)

forsythia

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Re: Cake maker stress
« Reply #56 on: May 01, 2017, 03:34:18 PM »
@Harriet Jones,

Thank you, kindly. :) I had read this full background about the groom cake tradition some time ago when reading wedding plan boards. It is a sweet tradition.

For this particular situation, it amounts to not that I would have to provide answers to "Pray tell, What is this extra theme cake for exactly?"

It came down to me not being true to myself. Those who know me, would have been perplexed and known something strange was up. I keep things simple. My daughter provided the needed "cutting through to the chase" when she asked me why on earth I was thinking of this. The answer was that I was trying too hard to not get someone else upset, when in honesty, I had done more than was required.




gellchom

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Re: Cake maker stress
« Reply #57 on: May 01, 2017, 06:52:43 PM »
I agree with the idea that when someone is doing you a favor, or they're indulging in their hobby in order to help you, they expect to do things their way more than yours.

It's precisely why I wouldn't let my FIL make a cabinet for me, and it's why I didn't get the best result when he made a plant stand and a light fixture.

He had his own ideas, and he did them, and they are NOT my taste. IMO, they ruin the look of the thing. One the plant stand, I actually dismantled part of the trim because I knew he wouldn't see it, and I hated it.

When I care about how something looks, or how it's made, etc., I've learned the hard way to NOT let the concept of a favor enter in.

Or if I accept a favor, I have to make myself be willing to accept whatever the end result is.

And I think that's part of it.

But I also think this lady may just live in the chaos and flakiness--she may like the IDEA of the project, as a mental exercise more than the concept of doing something someone can actually use/like. Hence all those questions about all sorts of unrelated things.


You were smart to decide to bail on her, and that was good wording.
It's also a good lesson for you, and now that you've shared it here, hopefully a lesson for someone else.

As usual, Toots has nailed it. 

When someone offers to do you a favor, you take it or leave it, like a gift -- you don't start giving specifications as you would to a vendor you are hiring, even if they don't seem difficult.  You wrote:

Quote
I provided her with the exact type of cake I would like, with some example recipes that I put much time and effort into sourcing. I gave her exact exterior design icing instructions. I provided her with the topping detail - fresh flowers that I would source and provide.

Honestly, if I were in her position, I'd be pretty astonished.  I mean, when you offer to do something like this, of course you take your friend's preferences into account and probably ask questions about flavors, style, etc.  But what seems simple to you may not mesh with the types of pans she has or the type of icing she's good at.  And I agree that her questions about the caterer and menu don't seem out of line.  If I am making dessert, of course I want to know about the meal it is to follow.  And I agree that if she is inner circle enough to be making the cake, she is inner circle enough to be discussing details.

Right now I am part of a group planning a bridal shower for a friend's daughter.  We asked her what kind of brunch food she likes; she said she loves Turkish breakfast.  That's just fine; we are planning a menu we think will please her, and we are happy to do it, just as other times we've asked the bride's favorite colors and decorated with them.  But I would be awfully surprised -- and consider her awfully nervy -- if she presented us with specific recipes and garnishes and pictures of the specific decorations and table settings she wanted.  To be honest, that's kind of what your first post sounded like to me.  I get it about wanting your wedding cake just the way you want it, but I agree with Toots and the others that you just can't be that demanding and specific with someone doing you a favor.

All that said, I think it all ended up great for you, and I hope you have a marvelous wedding!

JadeGirl

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Re: Cake maker stress
« Reply #58 on: May 01, 2017, 09:13:58 PM »
Gellchom, I think you missed the update where the OP said she only provided the specifics after the baker started going off piste per se.

Onyx_TKD

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Re: Cake maker stress
« Reply #59 on: May 01, 2017, 10:07:37 PM »
Gellchom, I think you missed the update where the OP said she only provided the specifics after the baker started going off piste per se.

I can't speak for gellchom, but I saw the update and it didn't really change my perception that the OP was being overspecific for someone who was receiving a favor. The updates do suggest that there was some flakiness on WOBM's side, but OTOH, the OP wrote multiple long posts describing the extreme specificity of the instructions she gave WOBM, all WOBM's actions that were irritating the OP, her fears of alienating this woman by hiring a professional baker instead, etc., before she got around to describing the simplicity of what she requested which seemed pretty relevant to the discussion IMO. Maybe WOBM is a complete flake...or maybe the OP's simple requests were buried in a long and complicated email that WOBM had trouble teasing out (especially if she was anticipating a more complicated cake). Maybe it's somewhere in between.

Regardless of the updates, I still think that flexibility is required when accepting a favor. It's fine if someone wants a very specific cake and considers the details very important, but that generally calls for either hiring someone or doing the job oneself. OTOH, it's fine if someone wants to accept a favor, but that calls for some flexibility, since there may be specifications the favor-giver is either unable or unwilling to meet. ETA: Plus, treating a friend too much like a vendor may take away a lot of their motivation to do that favor. Fulfilling specific requests while keeping their noses out the rest of the arrangements is what professional vendors are for. It's not unreasonable for a friend offering a favors to anticipate that they will be involved in a discussion of what form that favor will take, rather than being issued an assignment.
« Last Edit: May 01, 2017, 10:15:30 PM by Onyx_TKD »


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