Still kind of irked

[MissBrit]

On Sunday night I went out to dinner with three friends and one of my friend's parents. I had mentioned to my friend's parents who I hadn't talked to in a while that my brother and his girlfriend are engaged. Well, two of my friends then started talking about how my brother's fiance was mean and rude to them and telling stories about how she apparently glared at one of my friends and refused to acknowledge the existance of the other and how she was mean in high school and they never liked her (we all went to highschool with her). Well, then my friend's mother asks me why my brother is marrying someone who is so mean.  I told her that she is NOT mean and I happen to like her a lot and that I am happy for them. I was so angry because one of the friends who was critizing my brother's fiance was engaged to a guy a few years ago who I couldn't stand. He creeped me out, got kicked out of everything he was a part of, and was just not mature enough to be married, but I never once told her because I thought that was rude and she ended up figuring it out anyway. Am I right to be a little angry at those two? Should I say something?

[Rose2Bear]

If a conversation like that ever arises again, put an end to it immediately. Tell them you like the fiancee and really don't appreciate their negative comments and you would prefer to change the subject. If they continue to go on and on... then that speaks volumes about their manners.

[TZ]

Wow.  You have every right to be angry.  That is just inexcusably rude.  If it happens again, I would cut them off as soon as they even begin to hint that your brother's fiancee is mean.  Just say something like, "You are perfectly entitled to your opinion, but I would appreciate it if you would not criticize my future sister-in-law in my presence."  If they continue, just repeat it.  If they still don't respect your polite requests, I would remove myself from the situation.  Best wishes to your brother, and good luck dealing with your friends!  Oh, and kudos to your for having much more tact than your friends have.

[MadMadge43]

Not everyone like everyone and brothers fiancee rubbed them the wrong way. It doesn't make either of them bad people. I would, as you did state your ground. If they bring it up next time, do not mince words and remind them that she will soon be family to you and you think of her as such. It might not change their opinion of her but at least you won't have to hear it.

They probably thought it was ok to talk about her in front of you because they thought they were closer to you than she is. But once you let them know that is not the case they will stop.

[Lauren]

Not everyone like everyone and brothers fiancee rubbed them the wrong way. It doesn't make either of them bad people.

No it dosen't, but badmouthing her in front of her future sister-in-law DOES.

When it comes to family, or future family, you should never badmouth them unless they start doing it first. (which is a different kettle of fish) My auntie HATES my uncle's fiancee but was horrified the day someone started bad-mouthing her in front of us.

[Lunadiana75]

I assume these people are now more than a few years out of high school?  Here's a secret for *shhh* "people change!"

If they start up again, look right at them and ask "So the concept of letting go and moving on, doesn't cross your mind does it?"

[Hawkwatcher]

No, you not wrong for being mad.  Even if your brother's fiance was mean to your friends in high school, there is really no point in telling you because there is nothing you can do about what happened in the past.

If they bring up this topic again, you could ask them to change the subject.  Tell them you are not comfortable talking about a future family member.  Since they are your friends, they will understand. 

[Secret]

I'm just sayin' and I don't want to speculate or add things to the post that the girls didn't say but..

As we saw in another thread, things that parents/peers etc do in our younger days have a lasting impression. Perhaps this girl was quite mean to them in high school and they haven't forgotten it yet.  It is very hard to be nice about a person who made fun of your looks, your weight, what opinions  you said in class.  Some of the most popular girls made my friend's life a living hell for 5 years.  My other friend (mutual friend) did not have a clue until years later.  She still regrets not knowing because she was strong enough, popular enough etc to have put a stop to it.

Still quite rude to talk about her like that.  When I hear something about someone I don't like, I just nod my head and shut up.  You don't want to insult the person who likes them.

[jibby]

Next time they start in, end it with "Oh my gosh, you're RIGHT!  I must call brother right now and tell him to cancel the wedding!" and pull out your cell phone.

Okay, so I wouldn't resort to that until you try the polite route.  But if that doesn't work...

[Bijou]

On Sunday night I went out to dinner with three friends and one of my friend's parents. I had mentioned to my friend's parents who I hadn't talked to in a while that my brother and his girlfriend are engaged. Well, two of my friends then started talking about how my brother's fiance was mean and rude to them and telling stories about how she apparently glared at one of my friends and refused to acknowledge the existance of the other and how she was mean in high school and they never liked her (we all went to highschool with her). Well, then my friend's mother asks me why my brother is marrying someone who is so mean.  I told her that she is NOT mean and I happen to like her a lot and that I am happy for them. I was so angry because one of the friends who was critizing my brother's fiance was engaged to a guy a few years ago who I couldn't stand. He creeped me out, got kicked out of everything he was a part of, and was just not mature enough to be married, but I never once told her because I thought that was rude and she ended up figuring it out anyway. Am I right to be a little angry at those two? Should I say something?

I think by standing up for the woman at the dinner you must have gotten the message across, but there is nothing wrong with letting them know that you do not want them to bad mouth when you are present.  You don't want to end up guilty by association, just by being there if the comments are overheard and repeated to your brother or his fiance.