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  • November 24, 2017, 03:44:33 AM

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Author Topic: Party from years ago  (Read 3493 times)

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TracyXJ

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Re: Party from years ago
« Reply #15 on: May 18, 2017, 10:22:30 AM »
Repeat after me:  No. 

Stop letting them drag you into being a "host."  You are not a host, you are a donor.  And not even that, you are being voluntold to be the bank for these things.

By the way, is anyone else curious if the guest of honor is giving out 16 hostess gifts as thanks?

miranova

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Re: Party from years ago
« Reply #16 on: May 18, 2017, 06:59:57 PM »
  Just because it's a wedding doesn't give it a free pass.  No one has the right to spend other people's money without their input.

This is where I park my POD.  You do not get to tell someone that they are hosting a party, first of all.  The hosts must be volunteers, period.  You can ask, but they can say no.  If you never asked, you do NOT get to use their money.  Other people are assuming conversations that never happened that the boyfriend must have forgotten when clearly by the story that is not what happened here.  They didn't even know the party was happening.  There is no way I'd pay any amount of money for a party that I absolutely did not agree to host when no one bothered to even speak to me about it. It's not about the amount of money. 

NFPwife

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Re: Party from years ago
« Reply #17 on: May 18, 2017, 08:00:34 PM »
  Just because it's a wedding doesn't give it a free pass.  No one has the right to spend other people's money without their input.

This is where I park my POD.  You do not get to tell someone that they are hosting a party, first of all.  The hosts must be volunteers, period.  You can ask, but they can say no.  If you never asked, you do NOT get to use their money.  Other people are assuming conversations that never happened that the boyfriend must have forgotten when clearly by the story that is not what happened here.  They didn't even know the party was happening.  There is no way I'd pay any amount of money for a party that I absolutely did not agree to host when no one bothered to even speak to me about it. It's not about the amount of money.

Yep.

When my cousin got married, Aunt organized a bridal shower, had it catered, invited all the church friends and ladies (many who weren't invited to the wedding), sent leftovers home with the church ladies, and then.... told all the bridesmaids what they owed her for the shower. They had no idea that they were "hosting" this shower. They hadn't been consulted on anything until it was over and they were asked to open their wallets. They weren't even listed as hosting on the invitations. I felt awful for the bridesmaids, they were all young and starting out and this definitely was not how they would have held or hosted the shower. I think several of the cousins' parents just paid their "bill" for them.  (I'd declined being in this wedding and this was just one of many bullets I dodged.)

Twik

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Re: Party from years ago
« Reply #18 on: May 30, 2017, 02:23:39 PM »
This is what happens when "etiquette" columns start suggesting that it's perfectly OK to ask your guests for financial contributions. You can argue that "it's no big deal, it's just like a potluck," but some people will take advantage. Worse, they'll start assuming "well, we didn't give our guests a set price up front - that would be tacky. But they must have seen what a wonderful party we threw, and if they didn't want to pay something appropriate? Well, they should have left. They ate our food, now we calculate their bill."

No one should feel compelled to pay for attending a party with friends unless (1) it's clear up front what the costs are, and (2) the costs are shared reasonably equally among the group.
My cousin's memoir of love and loneliness while raising a child with multiple disabilities will be out on Amazon soon! Know the Night, by Maria Mutch, has been called "full of hope, light, and companionship for surviving the small hours of the night."

katycoo

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Re: Party from years ago
« Reply #19 on: May 31, 2017, 05:27:44 AM »
Any time I'm hosting, the first thing out of my mouth in the planning meeting is "This is my budget.  What is everyone else's?"  I would absolutely refuse to pay any amount I did not agree to upfront.

lakey

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Re: Party from years ago
« Reply #20 on: May 31, 2017, 11:17:05 AM »
Quote
No one should feel compelled to pay for attending a party with friends unless (1) it's clear up front what the costs are, and (2) the costs are shared reasonably equally among the group.

They should also be part of the hosting and planning. To me, being invited to someone else's party and having to pay to attend is different from a group of close friends deciding they'd like to get together and celebrate something, or just party. It's also different from members of an extended family deciding to get together for a potluck reunion.