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  • November 23, 2017, 11:25:02 AM

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Author Topic: Who is right?  (Read 3652 times)

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EllenS

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Re: Who is right?
« Reply #15 on: May 25, 2017, 05:17:14 PM »
The whole envelope vs. write-on-card is irrelevant.

If the invitation is addressed to an individual (in whatever form is local custom), it is for the individual. If it is to the couple, both people are named or receive individual invitations at their separate addresses. If it's for a household/family, that is stated. If the named guest is invited to bring their own guest or plus-one, that is stated.

No unnamed persons are ever included by default. If the guest thought the invitation was incomplete or nonstandard by local custom, the onus is on him to follow up. It is never okay to add invitees without clear, explicit permission to do so. "Well, you didn't say not to" isn't an acceptable excuse for a kindergartner, much less a full-grown man.

He was completely wrong to invite a plus-one, and more wrong to try and "lawyer" his way to "winning."

That said, the bride should not have said anything about the price of the catering (very tacky), or corrected him in a confrontational or accusatory way. The gracious stance would be to apologize for the confusion and clarify that adding guests is not possible. Getting drawn into a wrangle over it was wrong on her part.

Hmmmmm

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Re: Who is right?
« Reply #16 on: May 25, 2017, 06:41:52 PM »
The post makes clear this is in the UK, where names do go on the invites and it is sloppy and lazy to leave them off. My comment was about this specific situation.

It's very common here to see people critical of things which are perfectly normal in places other than the US, it doesn't mean that they are insulting those other countries or their customs, it simply means they are applying local norms to a local situation.  In the same way, responding to a post about a UK situation and applying UK norms is not an insult to the US or customs there.

Just curious.... Do all UK invites have a space for the names of the people being invited? Does someone handwrite them in or are the invites individually printed?.... And what I'm really curious about is what happens if the space is too small to write in all the names? I remember looking at a UK wedding invite website and seeing the line to write in and thought happens if the invite is for more than a couple and includes minor children. There's no way you'd be able to get Mr & Mrs Hmmmmm plus our two kids first names on one line.

Wedding invitations in the U.K. tend to be printed, with a space of one or two lines for the names of people invited to the wedding. (If my memory serves,  Prince William and Kate Middleton's invitations were the same - although mine must have been lost in the post so never arrived.). It does seem strange to this Brit that the envelope for a U.S. invitation is in some ways more important than the details given on the invitation...

Sorry, I know the invitations are printed with lines to insert the invited persons name. My question is does some one handwrite in the names of the people being invited on the space? Or does each invitation get separetely printed with the invitees name?

I don't think we are saying the info on the envelope is more important than the invitation. Our norm is for the invitaiton to give all the vital details of the event. Everyone gets the exact same printed invitation. The inner envelop just indicates who the invitation is for.

So now I have another question. If you are sending out invitations to other types of formal events in the UK, do you also customize the invitations with the person being inviteds name?

DavidH

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Re: Who is right?
« Reply #17 on: May 25, 2017, 06:43:43 PM »
Just to clarify, if you don't include names on the invitation itself, how would you invite a plus 1?  You can't very well send the plus one the invitation, since presumably the bride doesn't know them well enough to invite them.

Do you write the plus one on the envelope?

John Doe plus 1
555 Main Street
Hometown ...

Hmmmmm

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Re: Who is right?
« Reply #18 on: May 25, 2017, 06:52:33 PM »
^^^ For us, the outer envelope would be addressed to
Mr. John Doe
555 Main Street
Hometown ...

The inner envelope would be addressed to
John Doe and Guest

EllenS

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Re: Who is right?
« Reply #19 on: May 25, 2017, 06:56:39 PM »
Yes, over here we traditionally use two envelopes.

The outer mailing envelope has the household formal name. The inner lists the invitees.

So you might have "The Smith Family" on the outer, or "Col. James Smith, Dr. Leslie Smith" on separate lines. Then the inner would list each of them, plus their children by name (if invited). Or, as Hmm said, you'd put "and guest".

The UK way certainly sounds more efficient and uses less paper! But here we do have a bias that complicated=fancy.

TootsNYC

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Re: Who is right?
« Reply #20 on: May 25, 2017, 09:24:03 PM »

Sorry, I know the invitations are printed with lines to insert the invited persons name. My question is does some one handwrite in the names of the people being invited on the space? Or does each invitation get separetely printed with the invitees name?



They are usually written in calligraphy.

Quote
So now I have another question. If you are sending out invitations to other types of formal events in the UK, do you also customize the invitations with the person being inviteds name?

Probably--I'm not British, but I've studied etiquette for formal invitations for several other formal events, and there normally isn't any difference in the format of the invitation. Just in the wording (like "in honor of" instead of "at the marriage of" kind of thing).

And here is a great place to put a link to Pippa Middleton's wedding invitations, where the guests' names were written in the upper left corner.

https://twitter.com/RoyaNikkhah/status/866043929803862016?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw&ref_url=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.brides.com%2Fstory%2Fpippa-middleton-wedding-invitation

And here's Kate & Will's
http://www.usmagazine.com/celebrity-body/news/first-look-see-prince-william-and-kate-middletons-wedding-invitation-2011192

And I do think that is so much a norm in the U.K. that this bride screwed up.

HOWEVER: I think that this guest is being an utter git.

sammycat

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Re: Who is right?
« Reply #21 on: May 26, 2017, 12:42:11 AM »
My question is does some one handwrite in the names of the people being invited on the space? Or does each invitation get separetely printed with the invitees name?

snip

So now I have another question. If you are sending out invitations to other types of formal events in the UK, do you also customize the invitations with the person being inviteds name?

Australia here. I think our invitations are the same as the UK ones. 

For weddings, and perhaps other very formal events, the guests' names are usually written in calligraphy. 

For a less formal wedding, and say the invitations are from a preprinted invitation pad of 30, the names would generally just be handwritten. The same would go for a birthday party, anniversary party, baptism etc.

These days, with many people opting to do their own invitations on a computer at home, the names could easily be added as part of the body of the invitation and printed off at the same time as the rest of the invitation.   This is what I do for invitations for our family events (birthdays etc).

The bottom line is though, the guests' names would be in the body of the invitation somewhere.  If the OP link was from the UK, then it sounds like the bride was just being incredibly lazy by not doing this, as it is the custom there by the sounds of it.

The invitation would generally read something along the lines of:

George and Mildred cordially invite/request the please of the company of

.........................  (guest name added on dotted lines)

at Event



Margo

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Re: Who is right?
« Reply #22 on: May 26, 2017, 02:16:26 AM »

Just curious.... Do all UK invites have a space for the names of the people being invited? Does someone handwrite them in or are the invites individually printed?.... And what I'm really curious about is what happens if the space is too small to write in all the names? I remember looking at a UK wedding invite website and seeing the line to write in and thought happens if the invite is for more than a couple and includes minor children. There's no way you'd be able to get Mr & Mrs Hmmmmm plus our two kids first names on one line.

Yes, most have a space and you would write in the names of the guests. Most of the invitations I've received the name or names have just been written in ordinary handwriting.
I don't recall having seen people have difficulty with fitting children's names on - I think you'd just fit it in under the line, or write smler than usual to fit it all in!
If you were printing your own invitations at home then you might set it up to print the names.

LifeOnPluto

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Re: Who is right?
« Reply #23 on: June 12, 2017, 12:15:57 AM »
If no names were specified on the invitation itself, then I think the misunderstanding is 100% on the Bride.

However, I don't think that that obliges her to host this guy's Plus One (or any other Plus Ones). Once she clarified the situation, the guest should have graciously accepted that his Plus One couldn't attend. It was extremely rude of him to argue the point. Almost like he was trying to catch her out in a "gotcha!" moment.

gellchom

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Re: Who is right?
« Reply #24 on: June 12, 2017, 07:16:22 AM »
 Looking again at the original post, I think I may have been a little too hard on the guest.

It isn't clear that he was actually insisting that he had the right to bring a guest because of the wording of the invitation. His message may just have been response to her criticizing him for having made the assumption.

That's not nearly as bad. But I still think both of them handled it poorly and are wrong to be bickering over this. It does appear that the invitation should have been worded and designed more clearly, given the local conventions.   The guest should have clarified politely, rather than just assuming and returning a response card with a plus one, though. Then the bride should have responded politely and apologetically for the confusion, rather than pointing out the cost and whose fault the confusion was. And finally, the guest should not have fired back; at that point, he should just have absorbed any insult he felt.