News: IT'S THE 2ND ANNUAL GUATEMALA LIBRARY PROJECT BOOK DRIVE!    LOOKING FOR DONATIONS OF SCIENCE BOOKS THIS YEAR.    Check it out in the "Extending the Hand of Kindness" folder or here: http://www.etiquettehell.com/smf/index.php?topic=139832.msg3372084#msg3372084   

  • December 17, 2017, 12:19:59 PM

Login with username, password and session length

Author Topic: Dear Prudence Letter - Proposal at Wedding Update Page #2  (Read 9700 times)

0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.

Thipu1

  • Member
  • Posts: 7439
Re: Dear Prudence Letter - Proposal at Wedding
« Reply #15 on: June 01, 2017, 01:29:03 PM »
That's good to know.  I wasn't aware that there were jurisdictions in which witnesses weren't required.

gellchom

  • Member
  • Posts: 3731
Re: Dear Prudence Letter - Proposal at Wedding
« Reply #16 on: June 01, 2017, 02:26:14 PM »
Even where witnesses are required (they aren't in my state, either, BTW -- I think very few states require witnesses, in fact), they certainly don't have to be the best man/maid of honor.  After all, there is no requirement that there must be attendants at the wedding at all.

I also think that this story is probably really exaggerated. 

But anyway, I agree with the idea that if you become engaged at someone else's wedding, you keep it totally quiet!  I would, though, whisper it to the HC when you say goodnight to them, so that they can enjoy that their wedding inspired the next engagement and that they were the first to know.  They can choose to spread the news or not as they wish, or even encourage you to announce it if they like -- they might actually like to do that, especially if it's near the end of the reception.  But don't you let it out otherwise; it will draw focus for sure, and even if the HC don't mind a bit, it's just not polite.  If, say, you're part of the family, and there is a brunch the next morning, I'd say you can tell people then -- but I'd be sure to stress how much you owe to the loveliness and romance of the HC's wedding for inspiring you!  I.e., make it a part of their wedding, not a hijack.

At my daughter's wedding reception a few years ago, her second cousin told the family that she was pregnant.  She said she almost didn't, as she was worried that maybe she shouldn't, but we all were glad.  It didn't really draw focus from the wedding or the HC at all; it felt just right.  For one thing, our family is far-flung, so it totally made sense for her to tell us when we were all together for once -- especially her parents and grandparents, who live a whole continent away from her.  And she waited through the whole three-day weekend of festivities until after the wedding ceremony, too.  It really seemed nice, like a segue to the next happy family event.  (And needless to say, the relationships make a huge difference.  My daughter and this cousin are several years apart, adore each other, and don't feel in any kind of competition, so my daughter was fine with it.  I don't know whether her cousin asked her first if it was okay with her, but I bet she did.)

My point is that although in general I'd hold off on any announcements, you have to know your audience and circumstances.  I absolutely wouldn't say, "See, it worked well this time, so it's always okay," but at the same time I wouldn't say never -- just almost never! 

DanaJ

  • Member
  • Posts: 1278
Re: Dear Prudence Letter - Proposal at Wedding
« Reply #17 on: June 01, 2017, 04:17:45 PM »
Letter also seems fishy to me, but in the spirit of the discussion:

Stealing someone's thunder like that at their wedding is utterly reprehensible. And good golly, imagine how things would have gone if the proposal was answered by a "no, thank you."

shhh its me

  • Member
  • Posts: 7526
Re: Dear Prudence Letter - Proposal at Wedding
« Reply #18 on: June 01, 2017, 05:05:19 PM »
There are a few flashing red lights in this letter.  However, the biggest one for me was that the officiant and the Best Man were the same person.

The Bride, the Groom,  the officiant and two witnesses must sign the register to have the Wedding legally recorded.  Having the officiant and the BM be the same person seems very fishy to me.   

It would be like saying, 'I married them' and then adding, 'Yup.  I married them.'

That wasn't my red flag , the best man does traditionally sign as a witness but it's not the law that the bestman must be one of the witnesses anyone could be.  My red flags were the  multiple over the top level of interruptions: The officiant interrupts the ceremony , the camera person films the newly engaged woman rather then the bride & groom , That the guest keep congratulation the other woman after the ceremony recommenced, the "Now just the best man" dance.   

All that said , I do think "You were friends for years , talk about how hurt you are and see what their reaction is then decide what to do." is generally good relationship advice.  You don't have to have the conversation tomorrow and you can always end the friendship if you can't forgive them.

Katana_Geldar

  • Member
  • Posts: 1450
Re: Dear Prudence Letter - Proposal at Wedding
« Reply #19 on: June 01, 2017, 06:39:27 PM »
I've heard of a proposal happening at a wedding. But it was the bride's sister who knew about it beforehand and had consented to it. It was also after a lot of the offical wedding stuff had happened so the focus wasn't off the bride, she just wanted to share the love of her big day.

MariaE

  • Member
  • Posts: 5057
  • So many books, so little time
Re: Dear Prudence Letter - Proposal at Wedding
« Reply #20 on: June 01, 2017, 11:53:22 PM »
There are a few flashing red lights in this letter.  However, the biggest one for me was that the officiant and the Best Man were the same person.

The Bride, the Groom,  the officiant and two witnesses must sign the register to have the Wedding legally recorded.  Having the officiant and the BM be the same person seems very fishy to me.   

It would be like saying, 'I married them' and then adding, 'Yup.  I married them.'

That wasn't my red flag , the best man does traditionally sign as a witness but it's not the law that the bestman must be one of the witnesses anyone could be.  My red flags were the  multiple over the top level of interruptions: The officiant interrupts the ceremony , the camera person films the newly engaged woman rather then the bride & groom , That the guest keep congratulation the other woman after the ceremony recommenced, the "Now just the best man" dance.   

Not to mention that the newly engaged woman was sobbing so hard nobody could hear the rest of the vows.

But seriously, why would the guests, camera man and DJ all decide the newly engaged couple was more important than the couple getting married? Seems more than a little unlikely to me.
 
Dane by birth, Kiwi by choice

shadowfox79

  • Member
  • Posts: 2917
Re: Dear Prudence Letter - Proposal at Wedding
« Reply #21 on: June 02, 2017, 03:18:54 AM »
I agree that this sounds suspicious. But yes, proposing in the middle of the ceremony would be appalling.

DH and I had been engaged for two years when, at a friend's wedding, we decided to finally set the date. However, we kept that to ourselves until after the wedding. I wouldn't have dreamed of announcing it on my friend's wedding day.

nutraxfornerves

  • Member
  • Posts: 1688
Re: Dear Prudence Letter - Proposal at Wedding
« Reply #22 on: June 02, 2017, 08:56:29 AM »
I only vaguely remembered this, so it took a while to find it. The girlfriend of the groom's brother informs the couple that "we have decided to get married the day before you do, and your rehearsal dinner can be our reception."

http://www.etiquettehell.com/?p=1540

Nutrax
The plural of anecdote is not data

dani321

  • Member
  • Posts: 54
Re: Dear Prudence Letter - Proposal at Wedding
« Reply #23 on: June 02, 2017, 01:12:43 PM »
I sure hope it's faked or greatly exaggerated, but who knows?? We've seen some crazy stories on this site and I've learned that reality can be stranger than fiction sometimes! It's not really hard to believe that it happened, but it is very hard to believe that all of their friends think that it's no big deal.

It did remind me of something from a few years ago though. My then boyfriend was going to my stepsister's out of town wedding with me, and beforehand, my mom made a point to tell me that she didn't think he (MY bf) was going to propose (to me) at Stepsister's wedding. My face probably looked like this:  :o and I asked her why in the world she would even bring it up, of course he wasn't going to propose to me at someone else's wedding, and if he did I would have been absolutely horrified. I am still not sure why my mom thought that I would be expecting a proposal at a wedding. Unless it's an extremely special circumstance, with full and joyful permission of the HC, that's probably one of the rudest and most tacky things I can think of! (As an aside, he did propose several months later and it was the opposite of a tacky public wedding proposal  ;D )

I also got a little wide eyed at the $80k wedding, although I don't want to be judgy about how people spend their money, I really hope the Groom isn't literally saying that the "Friend" owes him $40k for half. That's a little tacky too, making sure everyone knows how expensive your wedding is!

vintagegal

  • Member
  • Posts: 369
Re: Dear Prudence Letter - Proposal at Wedding
« Reply #24 on: June 02, 2017, 06:35:21 PM »
didn't this "proposing at a wedding" thing just happen with the Duggars? I don't keep up with them, I just see  the headlines on Yahoo, and thought, how tacky.

Redneck Gravy

  • Member
  • Posts: 3812
Re: Dear Prudence Letter - Proposal at Wedding
« Reply #25 on: June 05, 2017, 12:57:36 PM »
I am wondering how Judge Judy or Judge Milan of the People's Court would handle a lawsuit over this type of incident?


Cleargleam

  • Member
  • Posts: 131
Re: Dear Prudence Letter - Proposal at Wedding
« Reply #26 on: June 09, 2017, 05:52:22 PM »
I've heard of a proposal happening at a wedding. But it was the bride's sister who knew about it beforehand and had consented to it. It was also after a lot of the offical wedding stuff had happened so the focus wasn't off the bride, she just wanted to share the love of her big day.

After reading this thread, I an article where the bride arranged with the ?best man? who wanted to propose to her maid of honor. 

The bride suggested the bouquet toss as the time, and gave the DJ a heads' up.  Instead of tossing the bouquet, she handed the bouquet to her maid of honor and gave the gentleman a high sign. 

I can't find the link, unfortunately.  But it was very sweet. 

Winterlight

  • On the internet, no one can tell you're a dog- arf.
  • Member
  • Posts: 10122
Re: Dear Prudence Letter - Proposal at Wedding
« Reply #27 on: June 10, 2017, 12:14:02 PM »
That would be sweet. And if the B&G are in on it, I'd just think that it was a lovely idea.
If wisdom’s ways you wisely seek,
Five things observe with care,
To whom you speak,
Of whom you speak,
And how, and when, and where.
Caroline Lake Ingalls

asb8

  • Member
  • Posts: 540
Re: Dear Prudence Letter - Proposal at Wedding Update Page #2
« Reply #28 on: June 19, 2017, 02:02:48 PM »
Believe it or not, there is an update to this story. In today's Dear Prudence chat someone posted that the video of the proposal was posted by a Philadelphia new station.

The entry is around the halfway point on the page. No link to the video itself.

http://www.slate.com/articles/life/dear_prudence/2017/06/dear_prudence_live_chat_for_june_13_2017.html

RainyDays

  • Member
  • Posts: 346
Re: Dear Prudence Letter - Proposal at Wedding Update Page #2
« Reply #29 on: June 19, 2017, 02:41:28 PM »
Believe it or not, there is an update to this story. In today's Dear Prudence chat someone posted that the video of the proposal was posted by a Philadelphia new station.

The entry is around the halfway point on the page. No link to the video itself.

http://www.slate.com/articles/life/dear_prudence/2017/06/dear_prudence_live_chat_for_june_13_2017.html

If this is the video referenced (http://6abc.com/society/bride-upset-after-wedding-officiant-proposes-to-girlfriend-during-ceremony/2077213/), it's not really much of a video. Just a voice over of what happened with various images of weddings.