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  • August 23, 2017, 03:12:55 PM

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Author Topic: Sandbar Wedding  (Read 1896 times)

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TeamBhakta

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Sandbar Wedding
« on: June 06, 2017, 01:02:11 PM »
The Huffington Post featured an unusual wedding ceremony story. The bride & groom wanted to get married in a sandbar in the ocean. The article says they boated 100 guests to the site, but I only counted about 69 guests in the overhead shot (It looks like the rest are on boats close by). Is it rude to ask your guests to wade around in nice outfits & then change again for the reception ?

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/wedding-in-the-sea_us_58bee427e4b033be1468d07c

amylouky

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Re: Sandbar Wedding
« Reply #1 on: June 06, 2017, 01:15:42 PM »
I don't think it's rude, especially since some guests apparently had and chose the option of staying on the boats. I think it looks amazing.

ladyknight1

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Re: Sandbar Wedding
« Reply #2 on: June 06, 2017, 01:17:58 PM »
I vote for non-rude. But then again, I live in Florida, and beach weddings are considerably different as far as attire goes. No high heels on the beach, and long gowns usually get destroyed by brushing on the sand, so people generally dress more casually.
ďAll that is gold does not glitter, Not all those who wander are lost; The old that is strong does not wither, Deep roots are not reached by the frost."
-J.R.R Tolkien

gellchom

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Re: Sandbar Wedding
« Reply #3 on: June 06, 2017, 01:22:10 PM »
I don't think it's "rude" as a matter of etiquette, but depending on the group it might not be very considerate of the guests.  If the guests could choose to watch from the boat or something, that would make a big difference, I agree.

Destination weddings or weddings with particular challenges like sunrise or mountaintop aren't inherently rude or inconsiderate.  It depends upon your guest list and whether their tastes and limitations are the same as yours.  If so, great, they will all love it.

But if your guest list includes people of all different ages and physical conditions (in the case of something like mountaintop) or limits on travel time and funds (in the case of destination weddings), it's not always a great choice.  After all, even though the HC are the most important people at a wedding, they aren't the only people at the wedding, and even at a wedding, hosts have a duty to consider their guests' comfort.

It's no answer, in my opinion, to tell yourself, "Well, an invitation isn't a summons!  If they don't like the idea, they don't have to come; you just have to be okay with that."  That's fine for a party.  But those who love you want very much to be with you at your wedding, and arrangements that are hard for them put them in a tough spot.  And, frankly, HCs who make choices that put people close to them in that tough spot are sending a message about their priorities: a setting or a gimmick is more important to them than the attendance of people for whom it would be problematic or prohibitively expensive.  It can be hard, too, to send a message of "Please don't feel pressured to attend" without the message of "We don't much care if you attend."

I certainly don't mean that no one should ever have a destination or mountaintop or sunrise or sandbar wedding!  They can be the perfect choice, in fact, in certain circumstances.  I would just caution couples who are considering something like this to think it through and, if it does come down to it in their situation, to think very carefully before putting gimmicks or glamour ahead of the people in their lives.

lakey

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Re: Sandbar Wedding
« Reply #4 on: June 06, 2017, 03:52:03 PM »
I agree with gellchom. I lived near a beautiful Lake Michigan beach and in the summer you would often see people having weddings down on the beach. It looks beautiful, but in the summer it can be very hot standing out in the open on the sand. Also walking across a wide stretch of sand in the hot sun is worse than walking on pavement or even grass. There was a long wooden switchback stairway down to the beach. This is fine for younger or able bodied people. However, I would often see very elderly women trying to get across the sand to get to the ceremony, and then they would have to stand there, in the ninety degree sun for the ceremony. There were almost never chairs.

It just depends on the guest list. Some people would just go to the beach for a wedding day photo shoot.

Hmmmmm

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Re: Sandbar Wedding
« Reply #5 on: June 06, 2017, 04:21:47 PM »
I don't think it's rude. Guests have the opportunity to decide they do not want to participate in all or parts of any event. If boat travel makes you sea sick then I think it would be fine to remain on shore and enjoy the reception later. If a friend's dream was a a mountain top wedding at sunrise, then I would be happy they could have their dream wedding even if it meant I wouldn't be able to witness the ceremony.

Even the most traditional of weddings can create discomfort for some people.
-A friend's daughter decided to marry in the city where her and her fiance lived. That decision unfortunately caused her grandparents to be unable to attend. Her grandparents weren't upset they didn't get to witness their first grandchild marry but was happy to participate in the parties held locally in our city.
-A nephew and his wife chose to have an afternoon wedding (no Saturday evening ceremonies allowed in the church) but a traditional evening reception. Her grandmother knew she wouldn't be able to handle attending both with a long break in between, so chose to forgo the ceremony and go to the dinner.

To me, it's only rude if you don't forewarn your guests.

ETA: I was curious if there was more info out there about this wedding other than the post from the photographers point of view. Found their website and they seemed to provide more than enough information to warn guest about what they are getting into.
https://www.weddingwire.com/weddings/5185892/wedding_new_website#!/website/10895584#website-page-10895584
« Last Edit: June 06, 2017, 04:32:22 PM by Hmmmmm »

lmyrs

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Re: Sandbar Wedding
« Reply #6 on: June 06, 2017, 05:44:17 PM »
I don't see why it would be considered rude. Their website explicitly said that it was waist-high water, you could stay on the boat and swimming trunks and bathing suits (with cover ups and t-shirts) were welcome.

If someone said, "My wedding is in waist-high water and you must wear a formal dress or suit," I'd think they were unreasonable. But I still don't know if I'd get all the way to rude. After all, an invitation isn't a summons. And, yes, I know that weddings are special and different, but there comes a time where you've just got to do what you want to do. There's going to be an issue with every single location imaginable - too hot, too cold, too stormy, not wheelchair accessible, too far away, parking is expensive, they don't serve kosher food, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. You do the best you can with your guests in mind and let the haters hate. I always marvel at someone who feels that they absolutely must attend a wedding that is going to make them miserable from start to finish. Just don't go. I mean I try to think the best of my loved ones. If I think someone is a selfish brat, I'm not going to go out of my way to get to their wedding anyway - whether it's in a church, in a park or in the middle of the ocean. It's no skin off my nose. Having it in the middle of the ocean makes it easier to say no.

rose red

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Re: Sandbar Wedding
« Reply #7 on: June 06, 2017, 07:03:58 PM »
I think it looks fun. If I didn't want to get wet or have a disability, I'd simply stay on the boat.

But then, the older I get, the less traditional I am regarding weddings. I was eating lunch at White Castles and saw a contest to win a White Castle wedding for the HC and guests in Las Vegas (free honeymoon!) and thought "What fun. I'd enter if I was engaged."

gellchom

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Re: Sandbar Wedding
« Reply #8 on: June 06, 2017, 10:05:49 PM »
I don't think it's rude. Guests have the opportunity to decide they do not want to participate in all or parts of any event. If boat travel makes you sea sick then I think it would be fine to remain on shore and enjoy the reception later. If a friend's dream was a a mountain top wedding at sunrise, then I would be happy they could have their dream wedding even if it meant I wouldn't be able to witness the ceremony.

This is how I, too, would feel about a friend's wedding.

But not about my sibling's, child's, or grandchild's.  In that case, it's more than just skipping an event that doesn't appeal to you, because the arrangements of the event aren't the reason you're there.  It's a hard choice between seasickness and missing your grandchild's wedding.

I'm sure that Grandma and Grandpa, too, would be happy that the couple would have their dream wedding.  But they will be very disappointed that they can't be at their grandchild's wedding.  And there's no escaping the message that the setting is more important to the HC than their presence is.

Again, I stress that I am not saying that weddings on sandbars or mountain tops are always a bad idea, let alone rude -- I'm definitely not.  They are often the perfect choice, and in any case they aren't "rude."  My point is just that "If they don't like it or can't manage it, they don't have to come -- no hard feelings" doesn't end the analysis, especially for those nearest and dearest to the HC.

(Hmmmmm, I think this may be the first time I've ever even partially disagreed with you!)

TeamBhakta

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Re: Sandbar Wedding
« Reply #9 on: June 06, 2017, 11:32:49 PM »
ETA: I was curious if there was more info out there about this wedding other than the post from the photographers point of view. Found their website and they seemed to provide more than enough information to warn guest about what they are getting into.
https://www.weddingwire.com/weddings/5185892/wedding_new_website#!/website/10895584#website-page-10895584

Interesting that they asked for no bare chests & bikinis, and yet at least 2 men at the ceremony were shirtless.

rose red

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Re: Sandbar Wedding
« Reply #10 on: June 07, 2017, 09:36:31 AM »
If grandma/grandpa/guest can't make it to a mountaintop wedding, I would hope the HC won't go that route but you never know.

In *this* case, it didn't sound like there were any problems with the guests. If there was, I'm sure they stayed on the boat.

Hmmmmm

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Re: Sandbar Wedding
« Reply #11 on: June 07, 2017, 09:43:39 AM »
I don't think it's rude. Guests have the opportunity to decide they do not want to participate in all or parts of any event. If boat travel makes you sea sick then I think it would be fine to remain on shore and enjoy the reception later. If a friend's dream was a a mountain top wedding at sunrise, then I would be happy they could have their dream wedding even if it meant I wouldn't be able to witness the ceremony.

This is how I, too, would feel about a friend's wedding.

But not about my sibling's, child's, or grandchild's.  In that case, it's more than just skipping an event that doesn't appeal to you, because the arrangements of the event aren't the reason you're there.  It's a hard choice between seasickness and missing your grandchild's wedding.

I'm sure that Grandma and Grandpa, too, would be happy that the couple would have their dream wedding.  But they will be very disappointed that they can't be at their grandchild's wedding.  And there's no escaping the message that the setting is more important to the HC than their presence is.

Again, I stress that I am not saying that weddings on sandbars or mountain tops are always a bad idea, let alone rude -- I'm definitely not.  They are often the perfect choice, and in any case they aren't "rude."  My point is just that "If they don't like it or can't manage it, they don't have to come -- no hard feelings" doesn't end the analysis, especially for those nearest and dearest to the HC.

(Hmmmmm, I think this may be the first time I've ever even partially disagreed with you!)

I guess my point is that when planning an event, couples can do things that could cause disappointment to those nearest and dearest even when planning something very traditional. Like the grandmother in my example. Believe me, she would much rather her granddaughter be married in "the" church and miss the ceremony than have them marry in another domination and be able to attend both the ceremony and parts of the reception. The other grandparents were disappointed but realized having the wedding in the other city made so much more sense (easier to plan, more family and friends in that city) and so didn't take it as a personal affront. Life has disappointments. If I had a granddaughter's whose dream was to be married in the water but got seasick, I'd hate for her to change her plans because of me. I'd be the one pushing her to do as she wished and be happy to see the photos afterward.

I don't think couple's should go out of their way to make things difficult for uncomfortable for guests. But if a good majority of their guests would be ok with the arrangements, then I don't think they can be faulted.

***I will say that my DH and I did everything we could to make sure his grandmother (the only living grandparent) could attend our events comfortably, even selecting the rehearsal dinner venue based on being able to get her to and from that location at reasonable times. Unfortunately she fell and broke her hip 2 days before the wedding and was in surgery the day before our wedding. My poor MIL was pretty stressed out having a 90 year old mother in surgery.

Figgie

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Re: Sandbar Wedding
« Reply #12 on: June 07, 2017, 05:57:39 PM »
My youngest is having a destination wedding in Hawaii.  The wedding will be on a beach and the reception will be at a private facility.  I'm in a wheelchair, so negotiating the beach is going to be interesting to say the least.  :)

But I am the one who told her to have her wedding exactly where she and her fiance want to have it.  It is her wedding and I want her to have the wedding she wants and not do something she doesn't really want just to accommodate me. 

As I told her...we will figure out what I can and can't manage when we get there and even if I am sitting up in the car in the parking lot with a pair of binoculars :) I plan on seeing her get married.  The where truly doesn't matter to me and it does matter a great deal to the two of them.

Everyone else attending the wedding is at the moment, able bodied.  If something should happen, then I guess I will have company in the car and we will have more than one set of binoculars.  :)

miranova

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Re: Sandbar Wedding
« Reply #13 on: June 12, 2017, 04:04:15 PM »
Those photos are gorgeous! I don't think this is rude assuming they provided all of the boat transportation and told the guests exactly what they were getting into ahead of time.  It seems like a blast to me.