Wedding Bliss and Blues > Paper Trail

Limiting invites (Dear Prudence 07/05/17)

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Redneck Gravy:
http://www.slate.com/articles/life/dear_prudence/2017/07/dear_prudence_my_nice_neighbors_think_halloween_is_devil_worshipping.html?wpsrc=prudence_newsletter&sid=57976b391e56036a2a8b4899

2nd letter- wanting to limit the guest list by not inviting all the co workers in a small hair salon to their wedding. 

If it's that small, then it's fifteen plus spouses and I think they need to rethink their guest list.  In a hair salon that small, they need to invite everyone there.  Just ouch, that is going to be hurtful to someone.   Maybe invite all the coworkers and do not make it a plus one to save money?  I don't know this just gives me a bad vibe.

I understand keeping the guest list to your comfort and affordable level, but really if the bride/groom have been at this hair salon for any length of time they just need to figure out a way to invite all their coworkers and so's/spouses. 

I think Prudence may have blown it.  It isn't the 4th grade, it is the people you share one third of your life with almost every day. 

mime:

--- Quote from: Redneck Gravy on July 05, 2017, 04:13:53 PM ---http://www.slate.com/articles/life/dear_prudence/2017/07/dear_prudence_my_nice_neighbors_think_halloween_is_devil_worshipping.html?wpsrc=prudence_newsletter&sid=57976b391e56036a2a8b4899

2nd letter- wanting to limit the guest list by not inviting all the co workers in a small hair salon to their wedding. 

If it's that small, then it's fifteen plus spouses and I think they need to rethink their guest list.  In a hair salon that small, they need to invite everyone there.  Just ouch, that is going to be hurtful to someone.   Maybe invite all the coworkers and do not make it a plus one to save money?  I don't know this just gives me a bad vibe.

I understand keeping the guest list to your comfort and affordable level, but really if the bride/groom have been at this hair salon for any length of time they just need to figure out a way to invite all their coworkers and so's/spouses. 

I think Prudence may have blown it.  It isn't the 4th grade, it is the people you share one third of your life with almost every day.

--- End quote ---

My wedding had just under 100 people, including myself and DH. Adding just 15 people to the guest list would have been huge!

I don't work at a small company by any means, but my department has been anywhere from 10-20 people and very close-knit, and it is very common for a coworker to just invite the 1 or 2 people that he/she is close to for the wedding. Nobody gives it a second thought because we all know how the guest list can grow out of control if you feel like you need to invite everyone from one category.

I'm in favor of seeing if there's a natural line to draw, like seeing if there are 2 or 3 coworkers that they actually socialize with outside of work. If it is hard to narrow down (or if their natural solution ends up excluding only one or two people), then consider not inviting the whole category. I took that route with a few groups of people to keep the size where we were comfortable.

Hmmmmm:

--- Quote from: mime on July 05, 2017, 05:25:58 PM ---
--- Quote from: Redneck Gravy on July 05, 2017, 04:13:53 PM ---http://www.slate.com/articles/life/dear_prudence/2017/07/dear_prudence_my_nice_neighbors_think_halloween_is_devil_worshipping.html?wpsrc=prudence_newsletter&sid=57976b391e56036a2a8b4899

2nd letter- wanting to limit the guest list by not inviting all the co workers in a small hair salon to their wedding. 

If it's that small, then it's fifteen plus spouses and I think they need to rethink their guest list.  In a hair salon that small, they need to invite everyone there.  Just ouch, that is going to be hurtful to someone.   Maybe invite all the coworkers and do not make it a plus one to save money?  I don't know this just gives me a bad vibe.

I understand keeping the guest list to your comfort and affordable level, but really if the bride/groom have been at this hair salon for any length of time they just need to figure out a way to invite all their coworkers and so's/spouses. 

I think Prudence may have blown it.  It isn't the 4th grade, it is the people you share one third of your life with almost every day.

--- End quote ---

My wedding had just under 100 people, including myself and DH. Adding just 15 people to the guest list would have been huge!

I don't work at a small company by any means, but my department has been anywhere from 10-20 people and very close-knit, and it is very common for a coworker to just invite the 1 or 2 people that he/she is close to for the wedding. Nobody gives it a second thought because we all know how the guest list can grow out of control if you feel like you need to invite everyone from one category.

I'm in favor of seeing if there's a natural line to draw, like seeing if there are 2 or 3 coworkers that they actually socialize with outside of work. If it is hard to narrow down (or if their natural solution ends up excluding only one or two people), then consider not inviting the whole category. I took that route with a few groups of people to keep the size where we were comfortable.

--- End quote ---

Yes, I agree with mime. If I don't socialize with a co-worker outside of work, then I would not expect an invite to their wedding. I'd still happily participate in an "office" shower because I think it's nice to acknowledge these life events of co-workers. But I probably wouldn't feel excited about giving up a weekend evening and attending the wedding of someone I know only professionally.

I think the rule is you just shouldn't invite 18 of the 20 co-workers and exclude 2. I would think a "small" salon would have less than 30 employees, so it sounds like she wouldn't be inviting more than half of her co-workers.

Dazi:
I happen to agree with Prudie. This isn't grade school where you have to invite the whole class, this is work. I didn't invite all of my coworkers to my wedding, I only invited those I was friends with outside of work. If memory serves, my entire guest list was 65 or so, 55 showed. Adding 15 additional couples would have put me WAY over budget.

Cali.in.UK:
I actually wrote a thread about a similar problem for my own wedding, because there were like 2-3 coworkers I wanted to invite but I didn't want to deal with the fallout of other people being offended for not being invited and we could not accommodate 30 extra people so in the end I decided against inviting anyone.

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