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  • December 11, 2017, 01:50:58 AM

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Author Topic: Requesting reimbursement for wedding gift? (Wedding cancelled)  (Read 11485 times)

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Kiwipinball

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Re: Requesting reimbursement for wedding gift? (Wedding cancelled)
« Reply #60 on: July 03, 2017, 03:18:58 PM »
I keep mulling this over.  We don't know these people or the exact scenario, and I think most of us have assumed Jane offered the use of a timeshare to Michael and Michelle.
I can easily imagine a scenario a year ago, as they're planning the wedding and discussing honeymoon possibilities, where Michael and Michelle say to Jane, "Hey, is there any way we could use your timeshare?" and Jane saying, "Why don't I give you a week as a wedding present?"
To me, that makes it less of a gift, and more to Jane having handled non-refundable reservations for Michael and Michelle.  In that scenario, I do think Michael and Michelle owe Jane, just as they would have had to pay their credit cards for the hotel they didn't stay at.   
Comparisons are always hard, but it's more being asked to pick up some monogrammed towels, and then refusing to pay me because you've changed your mind.
OP says Jane is a good person.  In a scenario like this, I would want to be reimbursed.

That would also explain why Michael may have felt more obligated to offer (or agree to) reimburse Jane. I still probably wouldn't pursue it with Michelle, but it does change the flavor.

Hmmmmm

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Re: Requesting reimbursement for wedding gift? (Wedding cancelled)
« Reply #61 on: July 03, 2017, 03:54:48 PM »
I keep mulling this over.  We don't know these people or the exact scenario, and I think most of us have assumed Jane offered the use of a timeshare to Michael and Michelle.
I can easily imagine a scenario a year ago, as they're planning the wedding and discussing honeymoon possibilities, where Michael and Michelle say to Jane, "Hey, is there any way we could use your timeshare?" and Jane saying, "Why don't I give you a week as a wedding present?"
To me, that makes it less of a gift, and more to Jane having handled non-refundable reservations for Michael and Michelle.  In that scenario, I do think Michael and Michelle owe Jane, just as they would have had to pay their credit cards for the hotel they didn't stay at.   
Comparisons are always hard, but it's more being asked to pick up some monogrammed towels, and then refusing to pay me because you've changed your mind.
OP says Jane is a good person.  In a scenario like this, I would want to be reimbursed.

I don't think it would matter to me if the use of the timeshare was suggested originally by Michael and Michelle. Once Jane decided to gift their timeshare points, it became a customized gift to them. In my monogramed napkins scenario... If Michael said "Jane, we love your napkins and would like some just like them, where can we order them from?" and Jane responded with "Let me give them to you as a wedding gift" none of us would be expecting Jane to be reimbursed for the cost of the non-returnable gift. 

shabby

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Re: Requesting reimbursement for wedding gift? (Wedding cancelled)
« Reply #62 on: July 03, 2017, 08:53:05 PM »
I keep mulling this over.  We don't know these people or the exact scenario, and I think most of us have assumed Jane offered the use of a timeshare to Michael and Michelle.
I can easily imagine a scenario a year ago, as they're planning the wedding and discussing honeymoon possibilities, where Michael and Michelle say to Jane, "Hey, is there any way we could use your timeshare?" and Jane saying, "Why don't I give you a week as a wedding present?"
To me, that makes it less of a gift, and more to Jane having handled non-refundable reservations for Michael and Michelle.  In that scenario, I do think Michael and Michelle owe Jane, just as they would have had to pay their credit cards for the hotel they didn't stay at.   
Comparisons are always hard, but it's more being asked to pick up some monogrammed towels, and then refusing to pay me because you've changed your mind.
OP says Jane is a good person.  In a scenario like this, I would want to be reimbursed.

But neither of the newly split couple "got the towels". If I am going to pay for something then I want it. I am assuming Jane didn't offer the trip to Michelle after the fact (I wouldn't) but then Michelle doesn't have to pay.

Twik

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Re: Requesting reimbursement for wedding gift? (Wedding cancelled)
« Reply #63 on: July 04, 2017, 09:16:34 AM »
Since the OP says that Jane is a good person, I suspect that what happened is that Michael decided to reimburse Jane, simply because he thought it was the right thing to do. Not that she asked for such from her brother at such a bad time.

But then, it made Jane wonder why Michelle, who caused the mess, gets off without paying. It seems unjust, and as an advocate for her brother, it grates at her. It's only fair, she thinks, that Michelle pay her half if Michael does.

Now, I still don't think that either Michael or Michelle owes Jane anything. But I'm sure this is a traumatic situation not just for the couple, but for those who love them and see them unhappy. This leads to people sometimes becoming obsessed with "fairness."
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Lynnv

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Re: Requesting reimbursement for wedding gift? (Wedding cancelled)
« Reply #64 on: July 04, 2017, 09:48:49 AM »
I keep mulling this over.  We don't know these people or the exact scenario, and I think most of us have assumed Jane offered the use of a timeshare to Michael and Michelle.
I can easily imagine a scenario a year ago, as they're planning the wedding and discussing honeymoon possibilities, where Michael and Michelle say to Jane, "Hey, is there any way we could use your timeshare?" and Jane saying, "Why don't I give you a week as a wedding present?"
To me, that makes it less of a gift, and more to Jane having handled non-refundable reservations for Michael and Michelle.  In that scenario, I do think Michael and Michelle owe Jane, just as they would have had to pay their credit cards for the hotel they didn't stay at.   
Comparisons are always hard, but it's more being asked to pick up some monogrammed towels, and then refusing to pay me because you've changed your mind.
OP says Jane is a good person.  In a scenario like this, I would want to be reimbursed.

I don't think it would matter to me if the use of the timeshare was suggested originally by Michael and Michelle. Once Jane decided to gift their timeshare points, it became a customized gift to them. In my monogramed napkins scenario... If Michael said "Jane, we love your napkins and would like some just like them, where can we order them from?" and Jane responded with "Let me give them to you as a wedding gift" none of us would be expecting Jane to be reimbursed for the cost of the non-returnable gift.

I agree.  Just because Jane got them something she knows they wanted (or maybe even asked for) doesn't change the fact that she is sitting on a non-refundable gift.  And, IMO, the most Jane can expect is to get the gift back.  Which she got when they didn't use it.    The fact that she can't return it doesn't mean that the intended recipients (who didn't even really receive the gift) should have to reimburse her for it. 
« Last Edit: July 05, 2017, 08:21:19 AM by Lynnv »
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Yvaine

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Re: Requesting reimbursement for wedding gift? (Wedding cancelled)
« Reply #65 on: July 04, 2017, 10:03:00 AM »
Since the OP says that Jane is a good person, I suspect that what happened is that Michael decided to reimburse Jane, simply because he thought it was the right thing to do. Not that she asked for such from her brother at such a bad time.

But then, it made Jane wonder why Michelle, who caused the mess, gets off without paying. It seems unjust, and as an advocate for her brother, it grates at her. It's only fair, she thinks, that Michelle pay her half if Michael does.

Now, I still don't think that either Michael or Michelle owes Jane anything. But I'm sure this is a traumatic situation not just for the couple, but for those who love them and see them unhappy. This leads to people sometimes becoming obsessed with "fairness."

Right, and I think what Jane is missing is that her brother is being above-and-beyond nice to her because she's his sister, while Michelle doesn't have that same bond with Jane and thus doesn't have the same drive to be above-and-beyond nice to her. Jane isn't realizing Michael is overgiving, rather than Michelle undergiving.

flyersandunicorns

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Re: Requesting reimbursement for wedding gift? (Wedding cancelled)
« Reply #66 on: July 04, 2017, 03:50:47 PM »
It comes across as tacky and petty to ask for reimbursement to me. If I was no longer going to marry into a family and someone came to me asking me for money for a wedding gift they couldn't return, thus seeking money from me instead, I'd laugh and be grateful I didn't marry into the family.

There is way too much going in this story to make a solid statement about any of the parties though. You usually aren't just "talked into" ending a relationship that's on the pathway barrelling towards marriage. Going to that woman and asking for anything is approaching a wounded animal and I wouldn't ever suggest it.

gellchom

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Re: Requesting reimbursement for wedding gift? (Wedding cancelled)
« Reply #67 on: July 24, 2017, 12:33:01 AM »
I agree with the majority.

I'm only posting to add that I think it would be wrong to ask for reimbursement for or return of any gift -- time share, monogrammed linens, toaster, or cash.   

Yes, if a wedding is cancelled, the rule is that the recipients are supposed to return the gifts.  But if they don't, it is still not okay to ask them to do so, the same as calling people on any other lapse. You just have to leave it to karma, no matter how steamed you are (I admit I'd be pretty steamed, too).

So whether there is an exception or modification to the "must return if the wedding is cancelled" rule for unreturnable items is irrelevant.