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  • November 25, 2017, 12:03:56 AM

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Author Topic: Early guests  (Read 3394 times)

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Chez Miriam

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Re: Early guests
« Reply #30 on: July 22, 2017, 04:53:51 PM »
In my experience, chronic early arrivers rarely, if ever, entertain in their own homes.  Having never experienced the inconvenience themselves, they truly don't know what a pain they are.

Now you put it that way...

I think you are spot-on, CrazyDaffodilLady!  [My early arrivers have certainly never invited us to a party in their homes. (Some have never invited us to their home - ever. ???)]
"All shall be well, and all shall be well, and all manner of thing shall be well."  - Julian of Norwich

acicularis

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Re: Early guests
« Reply #31 on: July 23, 2017, 03:10:21 PM »
Probably not a very nice thing to do, but once I greeted a chronic early arriver with "Oh my god! What time is it! I thought I still had almost an hour!"

Didn't completely cure her, but it helped some.

She likes to show up early to "help," but honestly I'd rather do most things myself. Maybe I'm just not very good at delegating, but I find that it just takes longer and stresses me out to have someone following me around, interrupting me, and badgering me with "Where does this go? Do you want this stuff to be put out yet? Where is your ____? What do you want me to do next? etc.

Chez Miriam

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Re: Early guests
« Reply #32 on: July 23, 2017, 03:18:49 PM »
Probably not a very nice thing to do, but once I greeted a chronic early arriver with "Oh my god! What time is it! I thought I still had almost an hour!"

Didn't completely cure her, but it helped some.

She likes to show up early to "help," but honestly I'd rather do most things myself. Maybe I'm just not very good at delegating, but I find that it just takes longer and stresses me out to have someone following me around, interrupting me, and badgering me with "Where does this go? Do you want this stuff to be put out yet? Where is your ____? What do you want me to do next? etc.

It seems you've met my mother-in-law...

I'm the kind of person that can assist without asking for constant input [washing up is self explanatory; most cupboards are too (look till you find the glasses/plates/saucepans); wiping down worktops doesn't need supervising (in my case); and at the most extreme: I can work a kettle without anyone else's help].
"All shall be well, and all shall be well, and all manner of thing shall be well."  - Julian of Norwich

EllenS

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Re: Early guests
« Reply #33 on: July 23, 2017, 06:12:48 PM »
On the flip side, my mom once had a friend tell her she was too early and shut the door in her face.

She had knocked two minutes before the agreed time. Two minutes. She actually thought she was a bit late, because her watch was five minutes fast.

Not sure why, but she stayed friends with that person.

gellchom

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Re: Early guests
« Reply #34 on: July 23, 2017, 10:44:05 PM »
Probably not a very nice thing to do, but once I greeted a chronic early arriver with "Oh my god! What time is it! I thought I still had almost an hour!"

Didn't completely cure her, but it helped some.

She likes to show up early to "help," but honestly I'd rather do most things myself. Maybe I'm just not very good at delegating, but I find that it just takes longer and stresses me out to have someone following me around, interrupting me, and badgering me with "Where does this go? Do you want this stuff to be put out yet? Where is your ____? What do you want me to do next? etc.
The bolded is just how I feel.

It's a little better with someone like Chez Miriam, who is an intuitive helper.  But if a guest is early, it's more likely that everything is pretty much ready except for things that must be done last minute, like putting out ice.  What I'm doing is getting myself cleaned up and ready, perhaps closing my eyes for five minutes, or squeezing in a phone call or something.  An early guest, even the most helpful, is anything but helpful then.

If a friend calls and asks if I'd like them to come a bit early to help, especially for something like a meeting, that's fine, and I may well say yes.  But just coming early without notice is not okay.

Chez Miriam

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Re: Early guests
« Reply #35 on: July 24, 2017, 09:31:58 AM »
Probably not a very nice thing to do, but once I greeted a chronic early arriver with "Oh my god! What time is it! I thought I still had almost an hour!"

Didn't completely cure her, but it helped some.

She likes to show up early to "help," but honestly I'd rather do most things myself. Maybe I'm just not very good at delegating, but I find that it just takes longer and stresses me out to have someone following me around, interrupting me, and badgering me with "Where does this go? Do you want this stuff to be put out yet? Where is your ____? What do you want me to do next? etc.
The bolded is just how I feel.

It's a little better with someone like Chez Miriam, who is an intuitive helper.  But if a guest is early, it's more likely that everything is pretty much ready except for things that must be done last minute, like putting out ice.  What I'm doing is getting myself cleaned up and ready, perhaps closing my eyes for five minutes, or squeezing in a phone call or something.  An early guest, even the most helpful, is anything but helpful then.

If a friend calls and asks if I'd like them to come a bit early to help, especially for something like a meeting, that's fine, and I may well say yes.  But just coming early without notice is not okay.

The "helping" I have done, is the kind where we stayed overnight with the hosts, or they knew we had to arrive mid-afternoon because of train times [I've offered to just make myself scarce instead, but after testing out that I can sort things by myself, the offer of help has always been taken up] - sometimes I've been the first person to answer the door, because that's given our hosts a chance to freshen up in less than a panic.

I wouldn't dream of just dumping myself on people without prior notice...

Edited: because I meant 'without prior notice'!
« Last Edit: July 25, 2017, 04:24:14 AM by Chez Miriam »
"All shall be well, and all shall be well, and all manner of thing shall be well."  - Julian of Norwich