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  • November 23, 2017, 07:35:13 AM

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Author Topic: Talk about overstepping the mark!  (Read 8695 times)

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weaselfrance

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Talk about overstepping the mark!
« on: August 07, 2017, 07:13:56 AM »
I've posted on a previous thread about Jack and Emily

http://www.etiquettehell.com/smf/index.php?topic=138823.0

[background] My SIL is married to a v nice Aussie guy and has two children. The whole family is coming back to the UK on December 27th this year. We're excited because we've yet to meet one of our nephews and they have yet to meet our daughter. But, because there's so many of us, there's no room for us all to stay with my husband's parents, unless someone sleeps on the floor.  Since SIL and co are travelling at great expense to come over here, we have volunteered to stay in an hotel. As a special treat, we're staying in a very nice boutique hotel about 30 minutes from the in laws.

My husband and I are 42. Both professional people, who have been out of our respective parent's homes and living as grown ups for a long time now.

We are not related to or dependent upon Emily in any way shape or form. [end background].

Still with me? Thanks if you are!

This weekend, my MIL met with Emily for the first time in a couple of weeks. Our plans to stay at nice boutique hotel came up in the conversation. Emily clearly has too much time on her hands, because she went home and looked online for room rates for the dates we'll be staying and was horrified. So much so that she rang my MIL to tell her prices and try to get her to persuade us to cancel our stay and go somewhere cheaper.

There is a pub about 10 minutes from the in laws that rents out rooms on a bed and breakfast basis. Emily had taken it upon herself to go and visit these rooms, to check out their quality, and was trying to insist that my MIL report back to DH and I that the rooms there are fine and that we absolutely have to to cancel our pre-existing booking and stay there instead.

My in laws bean dipped like champions, but passed the story on because they knew it would entertain us. I've yet to hear from Emily myself yet, but guess what my response will be if and when I do?😀

Mustard

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Re: Talk about overstepping the mark!
« Reply #1 on: August 07, 2017, 07:51:48 AM »
Egads.... Something along the lines of 'mind your own business'?

SamiHami

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  • No! Iz mai catnip! You no can haz! YOU NO CAN HAZ!
Re: Talk about overstepping the mark!
« Reply #2 on: August 07, 2017, 08:07:32 AM »
"How kind of you to take an interest, however, we have made our plans and have no interest in changing them."

What have you got? Is it food? Is it for me? I want it whatever it is!

Easter Hat

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Re: Talk about overstepping the mark!
« Reply #3 on: August 07, 2017, 09:26:20 AM »
Wow!  Think of the time this woman has invested in YOUR plans.  Mind your own Beez-wax!

This reminds me of the time my husbands brother and wife threw a birthday party for their child.  They were the first parents of all my husbands siblings. Since they lived in a small apartment, (and we have a large extended family) they opted to have the party at a community center. 

Well, DH's oldest brother felt that the parents were spending money they didn't have and took it upon himself to research community parks and other "free" places to host.  Turns out the venue the parents were opting to use only charged a very minimal fee of $20 for the space.  This space worked perfectly for the party.  As opposed to a park where they'd have to be dependent on the weather, bring tables and cooking gear, etc.

With youth and family dynamics it turned into a drama filled "thing".  A good lesson to not stick your nose where it doesn't below.

Still, as a bystander it was rather entertaining.  I'm interested in seeing how far your SIL pushes this situation.


Redneck Gravy

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Re: Talk about overstepping the mark!
« Reply #4 on: August 07, 2017, 09:46:06 AM »
Egads.... Something along the lines of 'mind your own business'?

POD!

I can't top this without a colorful (yet unapproved) adjective.   


gramma dishes

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Re: Talk about overstepping the mark!
« Reply #5 on: August 07, 2017, 10:16:15 AM »
I'd watch Emily like a hawk.  She sounds like the kind of person who just might take it upon herself to do you a wonderful favor and cancel your reservations at the boutique hotel and make new ones at the bed and breakfast for you -- to "help" you, you know.   :-\

Margo

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Re: Talk about overstepping the mark!
« Reply #6 on: August 07, 2017, 10:24:16 AM »
I'd watch Emily like a hawk.  She sounds like the kind of person who just might take it upon herself to do you a wonderful favor and cancel your reservations at the boutique hotel and make new ones at the bed and breakfast for you -- to "help" you, you know.   :-\

If you think that's a real possibility then let the hotel know, but i'd be surprised if they would discuss a booking, or accept a cancellation from anyone other than the original booker.

Luci

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Re: Talk about overstepping the mark!
« Reply #7 on: August 07, 2017, 10:52:51 AM »
I'd watch Emily like a hawk.  She sounds like the kind of person who just might take it upon herself to do you a wonderful favor and cancel your reservations at the boutique hotel and make new ones at the bed and breakfast for you -- to "help" you, you know.   :-\

If you think that's a real possibility then let the hotel know, but i'd be surprised if they would discuss a booking, or accept a cancellation from anyone other than the original booker.

At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if Emily could lie about the state of the OP being incapacitated so the original booker couldn't contact them.  I would be preemptive, too, about contacting the hotel to not accept a cancelation without the reservation number if much more is said.

We don't spend foolishly, I think, but we have certainly heard a lot over the years about how we should have skipped an activity or downgraded to save.

I do hope it ends up that it is merely entertaining to the family, as it was for Easter Hat was in her family!  I do want to hear the reat of the story!

rose red

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Re: Talk about overstepping the mark!
« Reply #8 on: August 07, 2017, 12:32:19 PM »
I'd watch Emily like a hawk.  She sounds like the kind of person who just might take it upon herself to do you a wonderful favor and cancel your reservations at the boutique hotel and make new ones at the bed and breakfast for you -- to "help" you, you know.   :-\

If you think that's a real possibility then let the hotel know, but i'd be surprised if they would discuss a booking, or accept a cancellation from anyone other than the original booker.

At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if Emily could lie about the state of the OP being incapacitated so the original booker couldn't contact them.  I would be preemptive, too, about contacting the hotel to not accept a cancelation without the reservation number if much more is said.

Some places also won't cancel or give out information without a password. I would totally set one up with the hotel if they can do this.

I can understand if she contacted you to ask if you know about other options or even contacted MIL to pass along the information, but running to Mommy because she's sure Mommy still has authority regarding choices like that? ::)

DavidH

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Re: Talk about overstepping the mark!
« Reply #9 on: August 07, 2017, 12:39:37 PM »
I would say thank you for your interest, but we prefer to stay where we've booked and can afford it.  If it persists, I'd ask her why she thinks her opinion on this matters since she is neither staying in the rooms nor paying for them.

Momiitz

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Re: Talk about overstepping the mark!
« Reply #10 on: August 07, 2017, 01:21:08 PM »
I too would be worried that Emily will try to cancel the boutique hotel reservation. I'd call the hotel and set up a password or something.

wolfie

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Re: Talk about overstepping the mark!
« Reply #11 on: August 07, 2017, 01:37:07 PM »
There is a big difference between trying to talk someone out of doing what you feel is too much and actually cancelling plans on someone else. Unless there is a history of her crossing that (major) boundary I think assuming she will cancel someone else's hotel reservation is over the top.

LadyL

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Re: Talk about overstepping the mark!
« Reply #12 on: August 07, 2017, 01:57:20 PM »
OP, I sympathize. We are the only relatives in LordL's family who prefer a hotel or b&b to staying with family. Most of his relatives would rather camp in someone's yard than pay for a camp site or motel. Saving money and being close to family are their priorities, and for many of them the $150-250 we spend per night to stay elsewhere, is their whole budget for a weekend trip and a preposterous amount to spend on lodging (they live in a low cost of living area; we do not). We therefore don't advertise the places we stay in advance, or that we opted for the jacuzzi room upgrade or whatever. We keep them on an "information diet" until we arrive basically and it's too late for them to try to change our minds.



gellchom

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Re: Talk about overstepping the mark!
« Reply #13 on: August 07, 2017, 02:10:20 PM »
There is a big difference between trying to talk someone out of doing what you feel is too much and actually cancelling plans on someone else. Unless there is a history of her crossing that (major) boundary I think assuming she will cancel someone else's hotel reservation is over the top.

I agree.  There is no reason to think she would do that, and I don't think we should leap to such an unkind assumption about the OP's relative.

I think Emily was trying to be helpful.  It was too much, sure, but it wasn't malicious; she was trying to be nice.  If I understand correctly, she is a close relative (to the OP's husband if not to the OP herself) and she lives in the area where everyone is convening, so she might feel some responsibility to try to be helpful.  If instead of letting her brother [?] know about less expensive accommodations, she had said something like, "I wanted to let you know that XYZ Inn was in the local paper last week for a terrible bedbug problem" or "I noticed you made reservations at XYZ Inn; I wanted to let you know that a similar place, ABC Inn, has recently opened and we got a gift of a coupon we'd be happy to let you use," would our response be "Mind your own business!"?  Mine sure wouldn't, especially from my own brother.  Whatever her motivations were, she really didn't do anything to the OP or anyone else -- she just wasted her own time.

So I wouldn't respond in a cold or nasty manner, I'd just thank her for going to so much trouble and time, but you chose your accommodations as a special treat and you're looking forward to it.  That's all you need to do.  There is no reason to punish her or assume the worst, and in my opinion, doing so isn't going to add much to this family visit.

gramma dishes

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Re: Talk about overstepping the mark!
« Reply #14 on: August 07, 2017, 02:21:03 PM »
There is a big difference between trying to talk someone out of doing what you feel is too much and actually cancelling plans on someone else. Unless there is a history of her crossing that (major) boundary I think assuming she will cancel someone else's hotel reservation is over the top.
...   I don't think we should leap to such an unkind assumption about the OP's relative.  ...



She is not a relative of either OP or OP's husband.   She's a friend of OP's mother in law.