News: IT'S THE 2ND ANNUAL GUATEMALA LIBRARY PROJECT BOOK DRIVE!    LOOKING FOR DONATIONS OF SCIENCE BOOKS THIS YEAR.    Check it out in the "Extending the Hand of Kindness" folder or here: http://www.etiquettehell.com/smf/index.php?topic=139832.msg3372084#msg3372084   

  • November 23, 2017, 08:31:53 PM

Login with username, password and session length

Author Topic: Talk about overstepping the mark!  (Read 8715 times)

0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.

Harriet Jones

  • Member
  • Posts: 8650
  • Yes, we know who you are.
Re: Talk about overstepping the mark! Small update
« Reply #45 on: August 29, 2017, 10:59:30 AM »
...   Emily's new argument is that the rooms in nice boutique hotel 'Aren't suitable to bring a baby to stay in' (Baby Weasel will be seven months old while we're staying there). ...    She's not going to be moving under her own steam at that age, so baby proofing the room isn't really going to be an issue.  ...

You may be surprised at how mobile a seven month old baby can be!   :)

That's what I was thinking!  All of mine were crawling by that age.

wonderfullyanonymous

  • Member
  • Posts: 1982
Re: Talk about overstepping the mark!
« Reply #46 on: August 29, 2017, 11:35:20 AM »
If she started in on you MIL again, or even on you, if something along these lines were said to her...

"Why do you think that the finances of DIL/me are any of your concern? I don't want to hear any more of it, and no, you are not trying to be helpful, you are being intrusive."

gellchom

  • Member
  • Posts: 3722
Re: Talk about overstepping the mark!
« Reply #47 on: August 29, 2017, 11:45:18 AM »
If she started in on you MIL again, or even on you, if something along these lines were said to her...

"Why do you think that the finances of DIL/me are any of your concern? I don't want to hear any more of it, and no, you are not trying to be helpful, you are being intrusive."

If something along those lines were said to her, I think it would make unnecessary drama and accomplish nothing.  I get it that it's really annoying, but she isn't going to change, and she isn't making them do anything they don't want to do.  She's just a busybody, and MIL is only even telling the OP because she thinks it's laughable.  They are simply ignoring her, and that's the wisest course, I think, rather than chastising her -- she won't change and she won't even get it; she will just think or say, "But I was just trying to help!"

OP, you keep returning to the theme of feeling like she doesn't respect you as an adult.  I think that's what is bothering you the most.  But I doubt that's any of it at all - - I bet she would do this with anyone of any age.  Anyway, who cares what she thinks?  You know you are a capable adult.

GardenGal

  • Member
  • Posts: 824
Re: Talk about overstepping the mark!
« Reply #48 on: August 29, 2017, 03:49:13 PM »
Quote
Anyway, who cares what she thinks?  You know you are a capable adult.
This ^^^ is so true! 

I have a saying (I'm probably not the one who made it up, though): Consider the source.  In your case, you can just consider that this person is an annoying busybody and ignore everything she says,since you know what the truth is.
"No matter where you go, there you are." Buckaroo Banzai

Redneck Gravy

  • Member
  • Posts: 3812
Re: Talk about overstepping the mark!
« Reply #49 on: August 29, 2017, 04:26:56 PM »
If she started in on you MIL again, or even on you, if something along these lines were said to her...

"Why do you think that the finances of DIL/me are any of your concern? I don't want to hear any more of it, and no, you are not trying to be helpful, you are being intrusive."

I think this is sufficient.  Emphasis on the key words and and dripping with cold sarcasm.   She may play the "I was just trying to help" card again, but lather, rinse, repeat the above, she should get it.


Semperviren

  • Member
  • Posts: 872
Re: Talk about overstepping the mark! Small update
« Reply #50 on: August 31, 2017, 01:50:21 PM »
Quote from: weaselfrance

Genuinely baffled as to why this woman is so concerned about our hotel stay.  And why she feels we're unable to 'adult' sufficiently well to think of things like the safety of our baby (our number one concern) and budget for ourselves. I had no idea Emily had such a low opinion of my intelligence. Or whether she's simply being stubborn about not having her opinions listened to and acted on.


Honestly I doubt she's infantilizing you on purpose and would probably be shocked to learn that you "took it that way". IME, meddlers, while truly annoying, are mostly not malicious or horrible, just not really very self-aware.

I do think this is about meeting some need of her own- is she bored? Lacks control in her own life? Gets validation from being "right" and persuading others to follow her advice? Not that it makes the meddling okay, but sometimes it helps dull the irritation if you look at it this way.

Twik

  • Member
  • Posts: 28866
Re: Talk about overstepping the mark!
« Reply #51 on: September 11, 2017, 09:54:02 AM »
Some people believe it's their right and responsibility to direct everyone to do things the way said people think is best. They can be upset when other people don't share that opinion and act as if they have enough brains to get through life without help, thank you.

I think Emily is just shocked and amazed that you don't gratefully accept her benevolence.
My cousin's memoir of love and loneliness while raising a child with multiple disabilities will be out on Amazon soon! Know the Night, by Maria Mutch, has been called "full of hope, light, and companionship for surviving the small hours of the night."

MurPl1

  • Member
  • Posts: 1532
Re: Talk about overstepping the mark!
« Reply #52 on: September 23, 2017, 10:01:42 AM »
Your MIL is part of the problem.  The only reason Emily knows any of this is because your MIL told her.  You need to address it with her not Emily.

chigger

  • Member
  • Posts: 799
Re: Talk about overstepping the mark!
« Reply #53 on: September 23, 2017, 01:45:30 PM »
I don't think the MIL is part of the problem! It's something that came up in casual conversation between two friends. It's not like it is some type of personal, private information.

gellchom

  • Member
  • Posts: 3722
Re: Talk about overstepping the mark!
« Reply #54 on: September 23, 2017, 04:04:01 PM »
I don't see where there's even a problem at all. 

Emily is annoying, but she didn't force anyone to do anything.  It sounds like the MIL was just telling the OP this as an "Emily's at it again" story -- I didn't see anything where she said the OP had to or should take Emily's suggestions.  The OP seems most irritated by her perception that Emily doesn't respect her as an adult.  I'm guessing that has nothing to do with it, but even if it does, it still doesn't create a problem that the OP has to solve somehow.

And if there really is a concern about having an immature image, an aggressive "Mind your own business; why do you think I can't take care of my own affairs?" reaction, especially where no response at all is required, would not do much to counteract it.