My comments in green.
Okay let me say this is a wedding that was apparently horribly awful and has since ruined a friendship that could have been semi-decent. This'll be one for the ages, then. Do tell. My husband and I, while we were in college, became friends with this fellow named Tom. He was one of my husband's frat brothers and we always used to hang out. Tom never had much luck with the ladies as they were always dumping him and he never had more than maybe 5 girlfriends ever, needless to say he was not the most experienced fellow on the block. At the time, he was all of twenty. Five girlfriends of a level of entanglement that calls for dumping by the age of 20? That's not a bad track record for attracting girls. Also, why are you judging your friend on how much random sex you think he's had? Tom met an overbearing, overweight Why is that relevant?, and overly sensitive girl named Pam, it was his sophomore year in college, her junior. They date for three months, break up over the course of those three months because she cheated on him, proceed to get back together and then find out they're Pregnant. Not because of the fallibility of contraceptives, mainly because they didn't BOTHER to use ANYTHING. They both also claim to be incredibly religious Yes, maybe they're Catholic. and have spent countless time looking down upon those people who have pre-marital relations. Turnabout's fair play; you just looked down upon Tom for not having extensive premarital relations with more than five women.
So Pam is pregnant, but ultimately so vain. She probably thinks this entry's about her. Our friendship continues I'm going to pause a moment because of the word "friend". Maybe it's not applicable here, but why is it that people refer to those they obviously don't respect or even like as "friends"? and she decides that she wants Tom to propose. (Before they were pregnant she didn't even really want a long term relationship with this guy!) Things change when children enter the picture--especially if you claim to be religious. Tom finally proposes when the baby is born and Pam decides she wants to get married within 6 months of that. Pam and I haven't known each other forever, but she constantly tells me I'm her best friend and thanks me a ton for always being someone she can count on support (insert my version of complain and nag unmercilessly) from. I'd say she was clearly wrong... Pam then divulges her bridal party plans, everyone people who she no longer speaks to are included in her 6 person bridal party Maybe she means to make amends with them. That's a good thing, right?, but I am not. Oh. She does say however that she would like me to read a passage during the ceremony. I am overwhelmed that she would include me and am genuinely happy. But you really wanted to be Maid of Honor, I suspect. My husband was selected to be Tom's best man.
Pam proceeds to buy anything and everything needed for a wedding going into debt for over $10,000. Neither Tom nor Pam have a job and no one's else will pay for this wedding, but that does not inhibit Pam's spending. Unwise, but fairly normal, actually. She still has yet to buy a dress and claims that she needs my invaluable opinion. I call her several times to see if there is a time when she'd like to go dress shopping or if she needs help with the wedding. Well she wants help in the form of me spending 2 days writing in calligraphy all of her 200 + invitations. I do it, because I don't mind helping as I thought we were actually good friends. I continue to ask Pam about getting together as couples and hanging out and of course we have a daughter also around the age of their child WHOA WHOA WHOA STOP THE CAR. Didn't you just spend time denigrating Tim and Pam for getting pregnant? You were pregnant at the same time!, so sitters are not an issue. Maybe not for you, but you just got done saying they're going over their heads in debt and don't have a job between them. They continue to not answer phone calls or return messages. Whenever we do make plans it takes 3 tries, to complete. First try, they bail last minute, I'm curious what their excuse was. Second try they deny we made plans, Sounds like you didn't have a meeting of the minds on that one. and Third try they show up for about 5 minutes and leave early. I agree that that's impolite. But then again, you didn't like it that they canceled entirely on Attempt #1, so maybe they figured it was the better choice? This behavior continues until up to 1 month before the wedding. At this point we have bought my husband's tux Most people rent. and my dress for the wedding. Our daughter is not invited to the wedding, which is actually understandable, as she might interrupt the ceremony, so I procure a babysitter.
Three days after I get a sitter, I receive a voicemail from Pam. She says and I quote, "I was wondering if you wouldn't mind acting as the general babysitter at my wedding and keeping an eye on all the children during the ceremony and just keeping general tabs on them at the reception. There are going to be 7 kids total and they go from age 2 years to 8. I would prefer you do this to read that passage we talked about. Thanks so much." Okay, I agree that it's not strictly nice to ask someone to change her "role" during a wedding. But I notice that even in recounting it, you remember her asking, rather than telling. Bridezillas never ask. I was livid, but at this point trying to remain level headed since my husband was the best man.
Again my family and I try to make plans with them and are blown off. My husband finally calls his friend Tom (who is spineless and has no ability to say anything to his Bride to Be) You know, people can pick up on attitudes. I'm starting to wonder if Pam began to realize you didn't think much of her and her husband. and tells him the truth. That he doesn't feel like a best man or a best friend anymore, since they never want to spend anytime together. Also he doesn't understand how this happened as distance is NO ISSUE, they live 5 minutes away. They're in college, have no job (read: no money), are planning a wedding, and have a baby. I live a five-minutes' walk away from my in-laws and we still don't see each other all that often because we're all busy. My husband trying to be gracious and understanding says that if Tom would like to select a new best man that would be okay, because he wants Tom to have someone he really loves up there. Wow, that's manipulative! "Oh, I want you to be with people you REALLY love--not old me, whom you don't!" And your DH pulled this less than a month before the wedding? Great googly moogly... Tom says he'll call my husband back. Tom calls back and says that he would like to select a new best man and it is going to be the Bride's Brother (whom he's known for all of 4 months). Well, what did you think he was going to do when your DH just bowed out at the last minute? At the point we assume, that we'll still be invited to the wedding, since we thought we were just being demoted and she still wanted me to baby-sit.
Well it is now 3 weeks before the wedding and we have received no invitation. I wouldn't have invited you, either, after forcing my brother to go and get a properly fitted tux in less than a month because your DH doesn't feel adequately loved. I find out through a mutual friend that she doesn't want us there, should we cause a scene. Where did that come from? Why would they think that? I think we're missing some details here. And said mutual friend whines to me about having to be the new babysitter. Side note: If you don't want to do something, tell the person asking that you don't want to do it. The end. Stop whining. Well the wedding date passes and we eventually hear from them. My husband gets an apology from Tom about his horrible behavior and the Bride to Be has nothing to say to me. What are you expecting her to say? Maybe it was Tom's decision to disinvite you both. I still am cordial and polite, they finally come visit us in our new home.
Pam begins to tell me about the wedding despite my disinterest and she begins to complain about her MIL. So, normal. Not everyone gets along with everyone else all the time. Her MIL is a saint and I am good friends with the woman. I won't say anything mean about her it isn't in my nature. But it is in your nature to say mean things about Tom and Pam... Pam then proceeds to ask me if I want to watch the wedding video and I politely decline. Now let me ask the general population would you ask someone you disinvited to your wedding, without even actually disinviting them to watch the video, when they clearly aren't interested??? Maybe because she was trying to make it up to you somehow? You seemed terribly disappointed that you didn't get to attend. This might have been an attempt at a truce--a clumsy one, even an improper one, but an attempt anyway. Thank god that wedding was over, now my husband and I simply wait patiently for the divorce. Why do you wish a divorce on them? If they're as awful as you seem to think they are, maybe they deserve each other.
I can see that Pam did some things she shouldn't have, but I don't see a lot of 'Zilla behavior here. I might be wrong, of course; but if Pam is horrid person and a Bridezilla, and if the wedding was "apparently horribly awful", there were a lot of details left out of this that would clarify it.
But I will concur that this friendship pretty clearly would have only been "semi-decent". The LW seems determined to look down on Tom and Pam, which doesn't make for a deep level of connection.