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  • November 25, 2017, 03:53:43 AM

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Author Topic: Magic words for "I really don't have time for this"  (Read 7468 times)

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gellchom

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Re: Magic words for "I really don't have time for this"
« Reply #30 on: September 20, 2017, 07:18:18 AM »
 I don't understand why you don't just take the same approach with your mother., and evidently other family members. That is, tell them right at the beginning that you don't have time to talk, you just have a quick question, rather than snap at them for chatting when they didn't know that.  Perhaps you feel they should have picked up the clue from your saying you were in the grocery store. But since you find it easy to do with acquaintances, why not just try the same thing with your family?

bopper

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Re: Magic words for "I really don't have time for this"
« Reply #31 on: September 20, 2017, 10:24:53 AM »
My mom used to call and if it was a quick question she woudl say so..then i knew it wasn't a whole half hour conversation.

NFPwife

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Re: Magic words for "I really don't have time for this"
« Reply #32 on: September 20, 2017, 10:36:15 AM »
Apologies if someone already said this, but I think I would just wait until Charlotte said something off-topic and chatty, and then just respond "Hey, I wish I could chat but I only have a minute. Would you mind seeing if my test results came in/rescheduling my appointment/checking that my insurance paperwork went through?" Trying to preempt her chattiness could come off as kind of brusque.

This is what I would do, too.  After a few times, she will probably get the message.  I would only have a conversation about it -- definitely leaving out anything about wasting time -- if it really got to be a big problem.  No matter how you'd word it, even with all "I messages," it's going to come off as schooling her and will embarrass her.  I get it how annoying this is, but it isn't mean or malicious on her part.  And I think that we naturally exaggerate the time such things take in our minds; if you add it up, how many minutes in a month does her chit-chat use up? I don't mean that therefore you should just put up with it, just that until it becomes enough that it really is a significant issue, I would just head it off casually like this rather than have a discussion with her about it.

So start with something like Zizi-K's "Hey, I wish I could chat but I only have a minute" and end with something like "Talk to you after church!  Bye!"  I have found that that works for me.

To the time, I thought about your point, that I might be over exaggerating this because I'm annoyed about the content so I looked it up on our phone account online - the call that I posted about was 12 minutes. I don't think the business part of it took more than 2 minutes. Maybe someone else would find that reasonable/ no problem, but that's unreasonable to me. Getting the objective data has made me more urgent in addressing this. I haven't had to talk to Charlotte since starting this thread, but I'm less concerned about tiptoeing around now.

I'm going with, "Charlotte, I'm sorry, I don't have time to chat, let's catch up this weekend. (or I'll text you later) I just need X, Y, Z right now" 

gellchom

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Re: Magic words for "I really don't have time for this"
« Reply #33 on: September 20, 2017, 11:27:24 AM »
Apologies if someone already said this, but I think I would just wait until Charlotte said something off-topic and chatty, and then just respond "Hey, I wish I could chat but I only have a minute. Would you mind seeing if my test results came in/rescheduling my appointment/checking that my insurance paperwork went through?" Trying to preempt her chattiness could come off as kind of brusque.

This is what I would do, too.  After a few times, she will probably get the message.  I would only have a conversation about it -- definitely leaving out anything about wasting time -- if it really got to be a big problem.  No matter how you'd word it, even with all "I messages," it's going to come off as schooling her and will embarrass her.  I get it how annoying this is, but it isn't mean or malicious on her part.  And I think that we naturally exaggerate the time such things take in our minds; if you add it up, how many minutes in a month does her chit-chat use up? I don't mean that therefore you should just put up with it, just that until it becomes enough that it really is a significant issue, I would just head it off casually like this rather than have a discussion with her about it.

So start with something like Zizi-K's "Hey, I wish I could chat but I only have a minute" and end with something like "Talk to you after church!  Bye!"  I have found that that works for me.

To the time, I thought about your point, that I might be over exaggerating this because I'm annoyed about the content so I looked it up on our phone account online - the call that I posted about was 12 minutes. I don't think the business part of it took more than 2 minutes. Maybe someone else would find that reasonable/ no problem, but that's unreasonable to me. Getting the objective data has made me more urgent in addressing this. I haven't had to talk to Charlotte since starting this thread, but I'm less concerned about tiptoeing around now.

I'm going with, "Charlotte, I'm sorry, I don't have time to chat, let's catch up this weekend. (or I'll text you later) I just need X, Y, Z right now"

I think that's perfect.  The amount of time is certainly enough to be annoying and to take steps to avoid, but not enough that you need to have A Talk with her about it.  I think that your approach will work perfectly and not make Charlotte feel bad about herself.  Win-win!

Raintree

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Re: Magic words for "I really don't have time for this"
« Reply #34 on: September 21, 2017, 02:12:08 AM »
I don't understand why you don't just take the same approach with your mother., and evidently other family members. That is, tell them right at the beginning that you don't have time to talk, you just have a quick question, rather than snap at them for chatting when they didn't know that.  Perhaps you feel they should have picked up the clue from your saying you were in the grocery store. But since you find it easy to do with acquaintances, why not just try the same thing with your family?

Both my sister and I agree that there is no such thing as a quick phone call with my mother, as she always tries to go off on a tangent. I'm just not a fan of talking on the phone, period. This is someone I will be seeing in person very shortly most of the time anyway. I agree exasperation isn't the best way of handling it, but I guess it's because I'm comfortable (too comfortable?) with her. With aquaintances who do this, I find it much more difficult to cut in and tell them I would very much like to get off the phone.

Raintree

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Re: Magic words for "I really don't have time for this"
« Reply #35 on: September 21, 2017, 02:16:16 AM »
To the time, I thought about your point, that I might be over exaggerating this because I'm annoyed about the content so I looked it up on our phone account online - the call that I posted about was 12 minutes. I don't think the business part of it took more than 2 minutes. Maybe someone else would find that reasonable/ no problem, but that's unreasonable to me. Getting the objective data has made me more urgent in addressing this. I haven't had to talk to Charlotte since starting this thread, but I'm less concerned about tiptoeing around now.

I'm going with, "Charlotte, I'm sorry, I don't have time to chat, let's catch up this weekend. (or I'll text you later) I just need X, Y, Z right now"

No, I agree it's unreasonable. Ten minutes is a chunk of time out of your work day (or non-work day even, if you have other things going on). You did not call the office to talk to her, you called for a quick piece of information unrelated to her life.

mich3554

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Re: Magic words for "I really don't have time for this"
« Reply #36 on: September 22, 2017, 11:15:28 AM »
I really don't like to have people that I know be in positions where I go to the doctors.  It is just uncomfortable and potentially embarrassing.  Hopefully she is completely discreet and respectful of your privacy. 

I'd bring it up when you see her in person.  "Charlotte, in order to protect your time and mine, when I call in to the office I don't want to have social conversations.  I'm sure you understand."

She does not have a choice in this because of HIPAA.  If she does cross the line, it is a fireable offense and the office can be fined.

My gyn used to go to my gym.  I'd see him, we'd exchange pleasantries and leave it at that.  It was weird, but I used to work in a medical center so it was not uncommon for me to see one of my doctors in the cafeteria, the hallway or the library.

TootsNYC

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Re: Magic words for "I really don't have time for this"
« Reply #37 on: September 22, 2017, 12:01:33 PM »
You also can simply be ready for this every single time.

You just interrupt her, in a pleasant tone: "I'm sorry, Charlotte--I called about my test results. Can you get them quickly please?"

"I'm sorry, Charlotte, I don't have time to chat. Would you tell me when the next available appointment is?" Interrupt again, "As I said, I don't have time to chat. When's the next appointment?"

bopper

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Re: Magic words for "I really don't have time for this"
« Reply #38 on: September 22, 2017, 03:21:39 PM »
"gotta get back to work..talk to you at church"

NFPwife

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Re: Magic words for "I really don't have time for this"
« Reply #39 on: October 04, 2017, 12:08:11 PM »
OP again with an update - I'm switching docs. I see the new doctor on Monday. There were three miscommunication errors and the third one was, literally, the last strike. I didn't say anything to them because I wanted the appointment with the new doc scheduled first. This office called me with test results yesterday and I called back and Charlotte helped me. She wasn't overly chatty and, since I'm leaving, it didn't seem worth doing anything about.

Thanks everyone for the help with this. I tend to be pretty direct and this helps me soften a little.