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  • November 23, 2017, 08:31:45 PM

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Author Topic: Honeymoon registry bait and switch  (Read 2723 times)

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Fawkes

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Honeymoon registry bait and switch
« on: September 11, 2017, 07:46:10 AM »
Hubs and I have been invited to a wedding to take place later this month. I had noted on the invitation there was mention of a honeymoon registry. I cringed a bit, but a lot people seem to do it now regardless. I recently visited said 'registry' website only to discover that it is a thinly veiled cash registry and it it, quite possibly, the most off-putting thing I've ever seen done for a wedding that I have been invited to.

Basically, the couple have booked a honeymoon. This registry is NOTHING to do with said booked honeymoon. The registry consists of photos with cutesy little captions like 'We'll be exhausted from our long trip, so help us relax by treating us to a beach-side spa treatment - cost 70' or 'We know you'll want to help us celebrate, buy us a round of drinks (or several!) - cost 25'.

My friendship group are split with some people thinking this is ok, some people being vociferously unhappy with the blatant cash grab. I am of the latter group and I am very much disinclined to give them money. Thoughts e-hell?

This isn't acceptable, is it?!

Harriet Jones

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Re: Honeymoon registry bait and switch
« Reply #1 on: September 11, 2017, 08:23:53 AM »
I think this is pretty standard for honeymoon registries, whether you like them or not.  You're giving them $X towards their honeymoon (minus the cut for the registry company). 

Irishkitty

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Re: Honeymoon registry bait and switch
« Reply #2 on: September 11, 2017, 08:29:21 AM »
That is the only honeymoon registry type I've heard of, but yes, it is a thinly veiled cash request.

The beauty of being a member of etiquette hell is that you can come here, cast these people into e-hell and get it off your chest. Then politely ignore the registry (which is merely a suggestion) and get them a lovely throw/set of wine glasses/cast iron pot/gift voucher.

We had a registry, but only had a few items on it and was just if anyone wanted suggestions of what to get us (we had been living together for years and had all our basics).
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Redneck Gravy

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Re: Honeymoon registry bait and switch
« Reply #3 on: September 11, 2017, 08:51:30 AM »
That is the only honeymoon registry type I've heard of, but yes, it is a thinly veiled cash request.

The beauty of being a member of etiquette hell is that you can come here, cast these people into e-hell and get it off your chest. Then politely ignore the registry (which is merely a suggestion) and get them a lovely throw/set of wine glasses/cast iron pot/gift voucher.

We had a registry, but only had a few items on it and was just if anyone wanted suggestions of what to get us (we had been living together for years and had all our basics).

Thank goodness for eHell!

Agree with Irishkitty, if you are not happy with the suggestion of a cash grab, get them a lovely gift somewhere else.


rose red

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Re: Honeymoon registry bait and switch
« Reply #4 on: September 11, 2017, 08:52:28 AM »
I'm pretty mellow so I don't care. The way I see it, the $25 is out of my pocket whether its for a drink or a toaster. It's just that one is a physical thing and one is part of an experience. When it comes right down to it, all gifts are basically cash, even homemade gifts (time and materials). YMMV

If I don't like it, I'd simply go off registry. The couple then might return a toaster for cash anyway.
« Last Edit: September 11, 2017, 08:55:15 AM by rose red »

gramma dishes

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Re: Honeymoon registry bait and switch
« Reply #5 on: September 11, 2017, 08:57:17 AM »
But if I'm going to ultimately end up giving them cash, I'd rather give them all of the cash.  Not that amount of cash minus a percentage for the company running the registry!   :-\

mime

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Re: Honeymoon registry bait and switch
« Reply #6 on: September 11, 2017, 09:23:32 AM »
I agree with rose red and gramma dishes.

I'm fine giving the couple whatever they want most, whether it is an object or an experience.

I can't imagine I'd give through one of those honeymoon registry sites, though. I'd probably write a check and note "happy honeymoon!" on the memo or something like that, so they get 100% of my gift.

Yvaine

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Re: Honeymoon registry bait and switch
« Reply #7 on: September 11, 2017, 10:17:32 AM »
I think this is pretty standard for honeymoon registries, whether you like them or not.  You're giving them $X towards their honeymoon (minus the cut for the registry company).

Yeah, I think this is just the way they work. The registry doesn't really have a mechanism for paying one guest's specific $50 to the hotel bartender or whatever--as far as I can tell, the cute itemized things are more of a way to break down the amount they want into affordable chunks, and to make the guest feel like they're contributing a tangible thing to the experience.

And the couple might well get the spa treatment, and the drinks!  :) Heck, they probably will. It's just that money is fungible, and there's no real way to funnel your specific money toward a specific activity. Unless you, IDK, called the hotel and booked something for them directly, which sounds like a royal pain and might not even be possible.

Luci

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Re: Honeymoon registry bait and switch
« Reply #8 on: September 11, 2017, 01:07:50 PM »
But if I'm going to ultimately end up giving them cash, I'd rather give them all of the cash.  Not that amount of cash minus a percentage for the company running the registry!   :-\

We usually give cash anyway unless ipthere is something special I can make or buy.

I remember a jewelry store we went to in a small town in the 50s midwest. They had tables set up with displays of china. silver, and crystal place settings with the names of the couple registered there. I thought it was the prettiest thing ever (OK, I was 7) and so have never been shocked by registries. Now I love the internet registries, just in case, when they'll wrap it and deliver it for me.

I still would not participate in this one!

Hmmmmm

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Re: Honeymoon registry bait and switch
« Reply #9 on: September 11, 2017, 01:41:49 PM »
But if I'm going to ultimately end up giving them cash, I'd rather give them all of the cash.  Not that amount of cash minus a percentage for the company running the registry!   :-\

We usually give cash anyway unless ipthere is something special I can make or buy.

I remember a jewelry store we went to in a small town in the 50s midwest. They had tables set up with displays of china. silver, and crystal place settings with the names of the couple registered there. I thought it was the prettiest thing ever (OK, I was 7) and so have never been shocked by registries. Now I love the internet registries, just in case, when they'll wrap it and deliver it for me.

I still would not participate in this one!

The town I grew up in was doing this at the two jewelry stores well into the 90's so I'm like you, registries were always a given. The housewares store would display their selection of towels and table linens and other small household items. It was a 2 story store and as a child I remember seeing tons of presents wrapped for the showers and weddings and they line them up along the stair case. I used to think they did it to display how many gifts were being purchased. Later I realized they didn't have another place to store them until the gifts could be delivered or picked up.

Fawkes

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Re: Honeymoon registry bait and switch
« Reply #10 on: September 11, 2017, 02:16:13 PM »
I really had no idea this was common. I should be thankful for my exceptionally classy friends and family, I guess! ;)

I've seen honeymoon registries that are literally that. Accounts set up with travel agents/operators so people can contribute to the cost of the travel arrangements, hotel etc. Never something like this though!

(Fun fact, I know one couple who tried to do this and so few people put money into the account the bride's father had to make up the difference).

Maybe it's a UK thing, I don't know. It just really rubbed me the wrong way.

Fawkes

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Re: Honeymoon registry bait and switch
« Reply #11 on: September 11, 2017, 02:19:25 PM »
But if I'm going to ultimately end up giving them cash, I'd rather give them all of the cash.  Not that amount of cash minus a percentage for the company running the registry!   :-\

Yes! This! If they had put a simple line on the invitation saying something like 'We have a honeymoon fund, if you want to contribute to it as your gift to us that would be lovely' I would have been less bristly about it. There's just something icky about using a third party to solicit money from your guests. Just be upfront about it. We want cash gifts. End of.

lakey

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Re: Honeymoon registry bait and switch
« Reply #12 on: September 11, 2017, 11:07:35 PM »
Quote
Maybe it's a UK thing, I don't know. It just really rubbed me the wrong way.

It rubs you the wrong way because they are asking for money. I'm American and it  rubs me the wrong way also. Honeymoon registries or just asking for cash on wedding invitations are not done among my friends and family. I've never known anyone who did either. If it weren't for this site, I wouldn't know that there was such a thing as a honeymoon registry.

Mayadoz

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Re: Honeymoon registry bait and switch
« Reply #13 on: September 12, 2017, 05:23:36 AM »
I'm with those who really object to this kind of thing. They won't remember (or possibly even care) who paid for what; it's a cash-grab.

I've come across these before. My response tends to be to get them a Honeymoon Journal - something like this. https://www.amazon.co.uk/Honeymoon-Keepsake-Journal-Julie-Glantz/dp/0811825205/ref=sr_1_4?ie=UTF8&qid=1505211708&sr=8-4&keywords=honeymoon+journal
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vintagegal

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Re: Honeymoon registry bait and switch
« Reply #14 on: September 12, 2017, 07:45:17 AM »
I am picturing the HC writing TY notes when they get home. "Dear friend, thank you so much for the round of drinks on our honeymoon. I had a Sex on the Beach and Fred had a shot of Chivas Regal. We remembered you fondly as we drank them. Sincerely, HC"