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  • December 13, 2017, 07:09:12 PM

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Author Topic: Need advice/someone to talk me down because I'm livid  (Read 4817 times)

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bah12

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Re: Need advice/someone to talk me down because I'm livid
« Reply #45 on: October 04, 2017, 11:32:23 PM »
Does it really matter if the treatment is harsh enough to cause these feelings? I'm not sure why people don't believe the OP.

Of course it does.  Understanding where the feelings are stemming from is extremely helpful in resolving them.  The OP asked to be talked down,  so getting to the source of her anger and making sure it's not misplaced is how she'll get there.  No one said she was lying about being angry... the question is,  is she really angry at the HC or is she angry about something else and taking it out on the HC?

cross_patch

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Re: Need advice/someone to talk me down because I'm livid
« Reply #46 on: October 05, 2017, 05:39:55 AM »
Does it really matter if the treatment is harsh enough to cause these feelings? I'm not sure why people don't believe the OP.

Donít believe her about what? I think everyone believes her, they just donít necessarily agree with her.

lowspark

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Re: Need advice/someone to talk me down because I'm livid
« Reply #47 on: October 05, 2017, 09:59:39 AM »
It doesn't matter if their wedding/reception is a legally binding one or if they go to the courthouse before hand and sign paperwork there.  It's a celebration and you either are ok being there to celebrate or you aren't.

These are very wise words.

I see that discussion here all the time about whether the ceremony of the "big" wedding to which everyone is invited is the legal one or not. I don't see why it makes any difference at all. A couple I know wanted a friend from out of state to perform their wedding, at least the religious part, but that officiant was not licensed in our state. So they went down to the courthouse the day before the wedding and got married legally. Then they had the big wedding with all the guests, reception, dancing, etc. the next night. I cannot fathom why that is somehow a lie.

Bah12 nailed it. People were being invited to the celebration. The fact that they had to do some legal paperwork in advance, to me, is similar to going to get the license. It's legal paperwork that has to be done in advance. But the friends and family are being invited to the Celebration (with a capital C).

I also agree with this:
I get that the OP is frustrated and angry.  I don't even blame her.  It just sounds to me like this isn't about the lavish and selfish ways of the HC, but about how the IL's are treating this wedding. And considering that she is married to the "grey" sheep of the family, this perceived (or even real/actual) inequity may be causing these harsh feelings.  She says it's ok that they have been treated unfairly/differently and that it doesn't bother her or her DH...but, I question if that is true.  It was important enough to mention.  Maybe it hasn't been bothersome until now, or maybe something else is triggering this intense anger at the HC.  I just don't think that the blame, from what we have been told, is the fault of the HC.  IL's probably, someone/thing else possibly, but HC, unlikely.

There can be and probably is a lot of pent up anger and/or frustration on how the OP and her DH have been treated by the family as compared with how the HC have been treated. And now it's all bubbling up because of the wedding.

I agree with the PPs who say that the resolution to the OP's feelings lies in discussing this with her DH. OP should sit down with DH and see how he feels and what he wants. Then the OP should do those things for him. Yes, the HC will benefit by whatever the OP may do for their wedding, but maybe if she looks at it from the perspective of, "I love my husband and am doing these things to make him happy" she might find it a bit easier to just go ahead and go with the flow on some of the things that are bothering her.
Houston 
Texas 
USA 

LifeOnPluto

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Re: Need advice/someone to talk me down because I'm livid
« Reply #48 on: October 06, 2017, 11:57:25 PM »
I get that people are saying that the HC have done nothing wrong by having a heap of pre-wedding events, but I think the fact that they are also having a destination wedding makes a difference. The HC is already asking their loved ones to fork out hundreds (if not thousands) of dollars on airfares, accommodation, etc, as part of the destination wedding, AND they are now compounding that by asking their family and friends to attend a bunch of other gift-giving events (or at least events where the guests are presumably expected to pay for themselves, such as the bachelor(ette) parties).

And yes, I know that technically the guests can politely decline, but it's that much harder when you're a close relative of the HC, and your presence is probably expected at all these events.

Also - this could be colouring my view - but in my circle of friends, most HCs have no more than two pre-wedding events (and more commonly, just the one, like a Bridal Shower, or Engagement Party). Any more than two pre-wedding events would definitely raise eyebrows. Perhaps that is also the norm for the OP, which is why this is jarring for her? 

MeowMixer

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Re: Need advice/someone to talk me down because I'm livid
« Reply #49 on: October 07, 2017, 08:16:12 AM »
And this is why I remember how much I love this board. Thank you all for the many views on this. Through seeing red I couldn't break down myself of what feelings were overlapping where. There is an airport conveyor belt of baggage that defines this family.

Just want to start off saying - SSIL and her little one will not go hungry; hubby, myself and her mom would never let that happen. Don't think ill of her please, FIL can turn a mean guilt game. He doesn't try it on us anymore because hubs shuts him down so fast. 

I'm not mad at the HC, they have been encouraged every step of the way by MIL and FIL and are just sitting back and loving the attention. Which anyone would, I'm not disparaging that. And I'm not going light a match in the tire yard over this because really, they are nice people.

Couldn't find a decent garlic press, settled on some kitchen towels, throw some cash in a card and drop it off well before the party with my regrets that I will not be able to attend. I even did the mature thing and *NOT* pick up those gawd awful glitter bits evil people put in cards... I'll admit I thought briefly of it, giggled maniacally but ultimately moved on. I'm only human after all!

And yes, Gramma Dishes I admit it does hurt. Their only (unprompted?) communication to us regarding our own wedding was to send back the RSVP that they were attending. Again, water off a duck's back, and besides I figured maybe they're traditionalists and the groom's family just stays out of it. Since this engagement I have been shown just oh so how wrong I was about that assumption! LMAO oh silly Meow, silly silly girl...  ;D



gramma dishes

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Re: Need advice/someone to talk me down because I'm livid
« Reply #50 on: October 07, 2017, 08:32:43 AM »
{{{{{MeowMixer}}}}}   :(