News: IT'S THE 2ND ANNUAL GUATEMALA LIBRARY PROJECT BOOK DRIVE!    LOOKING FOR DONATIONS OF SCIENCE BOOKS THIS YEAR.    Check it out in the "Extending the Hand of Kindness" folder or here: http://www.etiquettehell.com/smf/index.php?topic=139832.msg3372084#msg3372084   

  • November 25, 2017, 05:07:03 AM

Login with username, password and session length

Author Topic: who is the rehearsal dinner for?  (Read 1581 times)

0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.

menley

  • Member
  • Posts: 1100
Re: who is the rehearsal dinner for?
« Reply #15 on: October 06, 2017, 09:53:14 PM »
In my social circle it's very common to do speeches at the rehearsal dinner instead of the wedding. Of the.... gosh, probably 20 rehearsal dinners I've been to, it was sort of open mic night for speeches and toasts; then at the wedding itself toasts are limited to the bride's father, best man and maid of honor (if that - many just had a short welcome from the father of the bride and then it was onto the reception).

Browyn

  • Member
  • Posts: 755
Re: who is the rehearsal dinner for?
« Reply #16 on: October 08, 2017, 09:09:46 PM »
I had always heard that the rehearsal dinner was to provide a meal for the wedding party after the rehearsal, thank your wedding party members, and sometimes includes out of town family members who would not have anywhere to go.

Mine was small, casual, immediate family and wedding party members.  I wanted something I could wear jeans to and relax as there is enough stress in putting together a wedding.

My cousin's - oh boy.  Mother-of-the-groom-zilla (my side unfortunately) held a black tie rehearsal dinner for all the out of town guests (which was nearly everyone as we are mostly New England and the wedding was in NY) that was at least half the size of the actual wedding the next day.  I was unable to attend that wedding weekend extravaganza due to work commitments but boy did I hear stories!

Hmmmmm

  • Member
  • Posts: 8883
Re: who is the rehearsal dinner for?
« Reply #17 on: October 09, 2017, 08:26:16 AM »
I remain thrilled that rehearsal dinners aren't a thing in Australia.

I did have a rehearsal the day before and my IL's hosted a little get together afterwards at their home for the immediate family and bridal party (less than 20 ppl all up).  Literally, drinks and nibbles.  No formality, no speeches, not a  long event. Very low key.

Sorry to burst your bubble, but you had a rehearsal dinner. What you described is very much a standard type of rehearsal dinner event. Just like a wedding reception can be in various styles, so can the rehearsal dinner. For example, this was the rehearsal dinners just in my family of origin.
-1st - Small event at the bride's apartment with a small buffet, a keg of beer pitchers of sangria
-2nd - Fancy restaurant with about 60 people in attendance. Most of the groom's family was from out of town so his parent's wanted to host the out of towners who had traveled in. Could have been a few speeches but I don't remember.
-3rd - Backyard crawfish boil. - Nobody stopped eating long enough to give a speech.
-4th - Private room at a very casual Italian restaurant with about 30. Only speech made was by the groom's father and the bride gave a thanks to everyone who had been supportive of the couple over the years.


goldilocks

  • Member
  • Posts: 845
Re: who is the rehearsal dinner for?
« Reply #18 on: October 09, 2017, 06:46:03 PM »
Yes, and all 16 speeches were the same.

"I remember the day I met bride - I knew then she was special.   blah, blah, best friend ever, blah blah, wish them must happiness, yada yada".

I mean, the wedding is why everyone is there so this doesn't seem altogether strange to me. Based on this and your other posts, it seems like you don't really like weddings. Which is ok, not everyone does, but I'm not seeing an etiquette issue here.

yeah, you are right - it just seems that most of the weddings I've been too lately, the bride and groom only care about the guests for presents, and "extras".   I have yet to see the bride and groom attempt to visit every table and talk to their guests, no, they are far too busy on the dance floor.   Which is actually  nice, I want them to enjoy their day, but why invite 300 people if you have no intention of talking to them? 

A previous wedding didn't provide enough chairs and tables for the guests.   I, along with my elderly mother-in-law (brides' grandmother), sat on some steps for over 1/2 of it.   

We keep harping on "having the wedding you can afford".  I think that means more than money - but basic hospitality as well.   

And do you have any idea how boring it is to listen to 16 sound-alike speeches?   these were not funny stories, or anything like that.  And I was sitting in the front of the room and couldn't figure out how to escape.

camlan

  • Member
  • Posts: 9273
Re: who is the rehearsal dinner for?
« Reply #19 on: October 10, 2017, 10:37:35 AM »
I think regardless of the size of the rehearsal dinner or who it is for, the hosts have to remember that they are in charge of the comfort of their guests.

Lots of speeches with in-jokes and references that only close family and friends will get? Fine at a small dinner where almost everyone will get nearly every joke or reference. Not such a good idea at a large dinner where more than half the guests won't have a clue what is being talked about.

Which is not to say that *some* speeches and *some* in-jokes and personal references can't be had at a large dinner--the hosts just need to make sure there aren't too many and that their guests aren't getting tired of listening to things they don't understand. I expect some speeches from people I don't know about things I haven't a clue about at any wedding. I do not expect 16 speeches. I do not expect a hour of speeches.

And it is helpful if the speeches are made while everyone is fairly sober. I attended one rehearsal dinner where all the guests were from out of town and invited to the dinner. They waited until three hours into the affair for the speeches. Everyone who spoke was drunk. They had a microphone but even with that, most of the guests could hear people talking but not understand the words. We were expected to stand in a big circle around the Happy Couple and listen to drunken ramblings by all the HC's friends for over an hour.

I finally gave up and went back to my table and sat down. It was too much, too long and impossible to understand. It might be a good idea, but the execution at this particular party was not very good--and very inconsiderate of the guests invited. Had it been a smaller, more intimate group, instead of 250 people, I think most of guests would have enjoyed it.

And then, after that, there was another hour of speeches at the wedding itself. It seemed like overkill. Most weddings I've attended have had 2 or 3 speeches and those combined took maybe 10 minutes. Hours of speeches? Way too much.
Nothing is impossible, the word itself says, “I’m possible!” –Audrey Hepburn