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  • November 22, 2017, 08:21:14 PM

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Author Topic: Hospital visitors-help for my SIL  (Read 6889 times)

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the girl person

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Hospital visitors-help for my SIL
« on: October 09, 2017, 09:43:31 PM »
My DS(ister)IL's brother has received a dire prognosis and will be having surgery tomorrow afternoon. DSIL is concerned that a friend of hers (plus her 2 kids) will still come to the hospital despite being asked not to. 
What do you suggest she say to this woman in the event she shows up anyway?

Bottlecaps

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Re: Hospital visitors-help for my SIL
« Reply #1 on: October 09, 2017, 10:14:46 PM »
Generally, I think you can ask hospital staff to restrict visitors.

In the case that this isn't possible and/or your SIL's friend somehow makes it through even if it's restricted, I would just tell her, "Sorry, but we aren't up for visitors. We'll let you know when we are, but thank you for thinking of us!" or some variation of that.
"Some of the most wonderful people are the ones who don't fit into boxes." -Tori Amos


JoieGirl7

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Re: Hospital visitors-help for my SIL
« Reply #2 on: October 09, 2017, 10:15:56 PM »
My DS(ister)IL's brother has received a dire prognosis and will be having surgery tomorrow afternoon. DSIL is concerned that a friend of hers (plus her 2 kids) will still come to the hospital despite being asked not to. 
What do you suggest she say to this woman in the event she shows up anyway?

Is the waiting room a public place?  If it's not just don't tell them where to find you.  If it is, inquire at the desk if there are ore private waiting areas and explain why.  If they show up, ask to be taken to a more private area.

Plus, one can always excuse oneself to go to the bathroom or to take a walk.  And if someone tries to tag along, just say, I really need to be alone right now.

Oh Joy

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Re: Hospital visitors-help for my SIL
« Reply #3 on: October 10, 2017, 05:49:52 AM »
How about something like, 'I appreciate that you're trying to support me by being here, but the help I need today is privacy while I focus on my family.  I promise to call you if I need anything you can provide.'

PlainJane

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Re: Hospital visitors-help for my SIL
« Reply #4 on: October 10, 2017, 08:26:24 AM »
She asked the friend not to come. If the friend comes anyway?

"I asked you not to come. This is not being helpful. Please leave."

In a situation like this, the friend is assuming she knows better. Your SIL needs to focus on her needs, not the feelings of well-meaning but unhelpful friend.

gramma dishes

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Re: Hospital visitors-help for my SIL
« Reply #5 on: October 10, 2017, 08:48:04 AM »
I'm not sure why the friend wants to come to the hospital.  Does she want to wait with your SIL during the surgery? - or does she want to visit with the brother before the surgery or after the surgery is completed?

Is she a friend of your SIL or a friend of SIL's Brother?

In any case, the hospital may already have restrictions on who can wait in the waiting room during a surgery and if not, most hospital staff are superb gate keepers and will absolutely refuse anyone admittance if family says no one but them should be allowed.

BeagleMommy

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Re: Hospital visitors-help for my SIL
« Reply #6 on: October 10, 2017, 08:48:42 AM »
First, your SIL should not tell the friend the day/time of the surgery or what room her brother is in once the surgery is over.  Second, give the hospital/nurses' station a list of people who are not allowed to visit (in some cases you can say immediate family only and list the names of those allowed; if the name isn't on the list they won't be allowed in).

If SIL's friend shows up she can block her at the doorway and say "Brother is not up to having any more visitors today.  I will call you when he's ready.".

The other thing to think about is the fact that if SIL's brother is having major surgery they have to be careful about infection.  OP, you said SIL's friend would show up with 2 kids in tow.  Children tend to be germy little critters so that may be a good thing to say to friend, "Doctor is limiting visitors to brother to be sure to avoid infection.  I'll let you know when he's no longer at risk.".

mamakinz

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Re: Hospital visitors-help for my SIL
« Reply #7 on: October 10, 2017, 11:29:55 AM »
Most hospitals make it very easy to restrict visitors - you can either have a list of who is allowed or a list of who is restricted. If you are fine with anyone except this woman coming to visit you can just restrict her. If your family is in an IcU, they often have their own restrictions and rarely allow children unless they are directly related to the patient ( children, grandchildren).
 
If you donít want to go the route of restricting visitors, the floor nurses would be happy to be the bad guy and ask visitors to leave ó we will make up an excuse if you need us to.

GreenBird

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Re: Hospital visitors-help for my SIL
« Reply #8 on: October 10, 2017, 12:20:30 PM »
If she really thinks friend will show up and friend already knows where and when, then I'd send an additional preemptive message saying, "Brother is going into surgery now, I'll update you tomorrow (or whenever).  Just as a reminder, NO visitors are allowed at the hospital, so I'll see you in a few days!"   

The risk of infection is both a good objective reason to give that friend shouldn't take personally, and an extremely real concern after surgery.  There's just no way the patient needs to catch a cold while recovering from surgery, and his resistance is probably low.  SIL also doesn't need to catch anything, because then it's hard for her to be around her brother, so she should feel free to be assertive about whatever she needs to do to stay healthy. 

If friend shows up, I'd physically block her and say, "Friend, I told you no visitors.  They're very worried about infection and colds.  Please go home right now, I'll call you tomorrow."

I'm sorry your SIL is having to deal with this.

QueenfaninCA

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Re: Hospital visitors-help for my SIL
« Reply #9 on: October 10, 2017, 12:30:40 PM »
The one time I was in the hospital (to give birth), I was asked if I wanted to check in under a pseudonym. If I had, people asking to see <pseudonym> would have gotten my room number. If they had asked for QueenFan, they would have been told that they don't have a patient with that name.

Dazi

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Re: Hospital visitors-help for my SIL
« Reply #10 on: October 10, 2017, 12:37:38 PM »
The nurses are SO willing to play the bad guys here. Tell them you don't want visitors.
Meditate. Live purely. Quiet the mind. Do your work with mastery. Like the moon, come out from behind the clouds! Shine. ---Gautama Buddah





Luci

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Re: Hospital visitors-help for my SIL
« Reply #11 on: October 10, 2017, 01:45:20 PM »
At our surgical waiting room, we have to sign in or check in and show the pager number if we have one. That is the time we ask that only certain people are allowed to waiter.

Only one person is allowed into Recovery, usually no one.

For Intensive Care, only one person at a time, and only family members.

For the regular room, you just really need to say the kids are creating a disturbance and bothering patient. The floor nurse might or might not run interference. I did once tell Miss handwringing-oh-woe-is-me that it was time to rest, so please go. After that and at home, itís always 'heís resting.'

Thatís my experience, both as patient and parent and child and spouse.

Tea Drinker

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Re: Hospital visitors-help for my SIL
« Reply #12 on: October 10, 2017, 03:05:50 PM »
At our surgical waiting room, we have to sign in or check in and show the pager number if we have one. That is the time we ask that only certain people are allowed to waiter.

Only one person is allowed into Recovery, usually no one.

For Intensive Care, only one person at a time, and only family members.

For the regular room, you just really need to say the kids are creating a disturbance and bothering patient. The floor nurse might or might not run interference. I did once tell Miss handwringing-oh-woe-is-me that it was time to rest, so please go. After that and at home, itís always 'heís resting.'

Thatís my experience, both as patient and parent and child and spouse.

Even for intensive care, it's worth checking. After a friend of mine had a stroke and was in neurology intensive care, they let as many as four of us visit at a time, none of us technically family. (After the second or third day, his fiance had paperwork from his parents designating her as next of kin, because they were thousands of miles away, but "fiance's best friend" isn't family by any hospital's definition.) I'm sure that if we had created any sort of disturbance, we'd have been made to leave, but short of that, they weren't counting heads.

I don't know how tight the restrictions are at the hospital OP's relative will be are, so it would be a good idea to ask the hospital how to prevent unwanted visitors. Whatever their system, they will be used to the question.
Any advice that requires the use of a time machine may safely be ignored.

bopper

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Re: Hospital visitors-help for my SIL
« Reply #13 on: October 10, 2017, 03:08:29 PM »
Having spent a week with my daughter in the hospital...if they have visitors list and all that then use them. If not:

However that friend found out that she is in the hospital should be used to say that she is not up for visitors. "I want to thank everyone for the well wishes but want to know that I am not up for visitors. I will reach out when I am."
So if it was on email, FB, or word of mouth,...the info should be spread the same way.

If this friend thinks she is special and that doesn't apply to her, then when she comes, just say "Oh, I wish you had contacted me before you came. I thought everyone knew I would be reaching out to  people when I am ready.  I need to sleep now."

Then if she still doesn't leave, press the call button and when they come, say "I need to sleep now..can you show my visitors where the elevator is"

Also I am not sure if she will have someone just sitting with her...if so then let them know.

Winterlight

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Re: Hospital visitors-help for my SIL
« Reply #14 on: October 10, 2017, 10:31:07 PM »
Is there someone who can play bad cop and get rid of this woman should she show up? Her husband, a friend, whoever. She's got enough on her mind.
If wisdomís ways you wisely seek,
Five things observe with care,
To whom you speak,
Of whom you speak,
And how, and when, and where.
Caroline Lake Ingalls