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  • February 19, 2018, 12:43:13 AM

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Author Topic: Engagement Party and Hens Night AFTER the wedding?  (Read 1047 times)

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Outdoor Girl

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Re: Engagement Party and Hens Night AFTER the wedding?
« Reply #15 on: February 16, 2018, 07:47:49 AM »
I'm of the opinion that an engagement party should be held within 3 months (or so) of the engagement, while the news is still fizzy.

Or at least within 3 months of the announcement of the engagement.  Some people hold off on the announcement for many reasons.

In my area, it is very common to have a Stag and Doe or Buck and Doe party rather than an engagement party.  Rather than gifts, money generated by ticket and bar sales and by various games of chance you can play, if you wish to, is given to the happy couple to put towards their upcoming wedding.  It would definitely be very strange to have that kind of party after the wedding has already occurred.

(For your ticket price, you get an evening of entertainment; there is always a 'lunch' served and there is a DJ or Live Band and, depending on where it is held, the drinks are usually less than what you would pay at a regular bar.  And you can choose not to play any of the games.  I've gone to events where I knew the couple but not well.  So I'd buy my ticket and just enjoy my night out.  And I've gone to events where I know the couple well and I've played at least some of the games and have often been involved in donating prizes for the games.)
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lmyrs

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Re: Engagement Party and Hens Night AFTER the wedding?
« Reply #16 on: February 16, 2018, 10:02:10 AM »
I think they have a branding problem, not an etiquette problem.

Label it Girls' Night Out and Reception and people would stop clutching their pearls.

gramma dishes

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Re: Engagement Party and Hens Night AFTER the wedding?
« Reply #17 on: February 16, 2018, 10:07:46 AM »
I think they have a branding problem, not an etiquette problem.

Label it Girls' Night Out and Reception and people would stop clutching their pearls.

I agree and I love how you worded it.

Oh Joy

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Re: Engagement Party and Hens Night AFTER the wedding?
« Reply #18 on: February 16, 2018, 11:16:21 AM »
I like the framing of it being a branding issue.  It's like having a Bon Voyage party when someone returns from a trip; it would be a Welcome Home party.

Though I wouldn't go so far as to call it pearl-clutching.

gellchom

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Re: Engagement Party and Hens Night AFTER the wedding?
« Reply #19 on: February 16, 2018, 12:14:10 PM »
I like the framing of it being a branding issue.  It's like having a Bon Voyage party when someone returns from a trip; it would be a Welcome Home party.

Though I wouldn't go so far as to call it pearl-clutching.

Maybe the point was not about noticing the mis-branding but about going so far as to refuse to attend over it.  That to me seems like a major overreaction.

gramma dishes

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Re: Engagement Party and Hens Night AFTER the wedding?
« Reply #20 on: February 16, 2018, 02:52:49 PM »
Maybe the point was not about noticing the mis-branding but about going so far as to refuse to attend over it.  ...

Yes, that's how I interpreted it also.

Kiwipinball

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Re: Engagement Party and Hens Night AFTER the wedding?
« Reply #21 on: February 16, 2018, 06:45:30 PM »
I think they have a branding problem, not an etiquette problem.

Label it Girls' Night Out and Reception and people would stop clutching their pearls.

I agree. Assuming they're not planning an engagement party AND a reception. In the US both are gift-giving so it wouldn't really matter (I'm assuming both are gift-giving in the UK as well). Actually, most people would probably give bigger gifts at a reception, so having an engagement party instead would actually be slightly less gift-grabby (Im guessing a lot of people would give a bigger gift anyway as it's really a reception). But if they were doing both (reception and engagement) I would not attend both. I would find that too weird.

I had forgotten in the UK money is frequently earned for the couple at a Hen's/Stag's night. In the US, participants pay their own way (and usually split the cost of the bachelor/bachelorette) but the couple doesn't profit. If they were planning to sell tickets to their night out, that would weird me out more than having a group get together to celebrate. But that's not a tradition I'm used to, so that might be part of the reason it seems weird to me.

HannahGrace

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Re: Engagement Party and Hens Night AFTER the wedding?
« Reply #22 on: February 16, 2018, 08:23:50 PM »
I'm of the opinion that an engagement party should be held within 3 months (or so) of the engagement, while the news is still fizzy.

Or at least within 3 months of the announcement of the engagement.  Some people hold off on the announcement for many reasons.

In my area, it is very common to have a Stag and Doe or Buck and Doe party rather than an engagement party.  Rather than gifts, money generated by ticket and bar sales and by various games of chance you can play, if you wish to, is given to the happy couple to put towards their upcoming wedding.  It would definitely be very strange to have that kind of party after the wedding has already occurred.

(For your ticket price, you get an evening of entertainment; there is always a 'lunch' served and there is a DJ or Live Band and, depending on where it is held, the drinks are usually less than what you would pay at a regular bar.  And you can choose not to play any of the games.  I've gone to events where I knew the couple but not well.  So I'd buy my ticket and just enjoy my night out.  And I've gone to events where I know the couple well and I've played at least some of the games and have often been involved in donating prizes for the games.)

I understand this is a regional tradition, but in my part of the world such a fundraiser would be totally inappropriate unless to raise funds for a registered nonprofit. Certainly, once you are married with whatever legal benefits that entails, a party that people buy tickets to attend would not happen, I hope.

Outdoor Girl

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Re: Engagement Party and Hens Night AFTER the wedding?
« Reply #23 on: February 16, 2018, 08:32:17 PM »
That's what I said - it would be really weird to hold a stag and doe if the couple is already married.  They tend to be held more for younger couples, just starting out.

There are regional differences.  In some areas, a dollar dance is expected and in others, people would be appalled by it.  In some areas, all the guests are invited to all the functions - wedding, dinner, dance.  And in others, it's common to have one group for the wedding and dance and invite a second group to come to just the dance, with gifts not expected from that group, or at least only a nominal one.  It's a know your audience thing.
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kudeebee

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Re: Engagement Party and Hens Night AFTER the wedding?
« Reply #24 on: February 17, 2018, 03:43:14 AM »
The couple is married now, no longer engaged so it seems weird to have an engagement party at this point in time.  The couple should have a reception and invite the people that they would have invited to their engagement party or wedding if they had not made the choice to move their wedding up.

As to the hen's night, if a group of her friends want to get together and celebrate her wedding, I think that would be fine.




Aleko

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Re: Engagement Party and Hens Night AFTER the wedding?
« Reply #25 on: February 17, 2018, 11:11:26 AM »
I agree. Assuming they're not planning an engagement party AND a reception. In the US both are gift-giving so it wouldn't really matter (I'm assuming both are gift-giving in the UK as well).

Actually neither of them are, at least not traditionally (though with the uncontrollable ballooning of the whole wedding thing along American lines in recent years, it wouldn't surprise me if some people are starting to expect this). The only event in the UK where a gift is obligatory is the wedding itself - if you go to the wedding you really must give them something, and if these people are at all important to you, you probably will even if you can't go (or if the wedding is so small that you couldn't be invited in the first place).

In the UK, traditionally the bride's parents gave an engagement party for their family and friends to introduce her future husband to them, and his parents held a similar party to introduce the bride to their family and friends. In some circles (not mine) well-wishers might give an engagement present if they wanted; but there was no direct connection with the engagement party. Certainly there was no expectation that a guest at such a party should bring a gift.

A reception after the wedding has always been less usual; it usually took place only if the wedding had been very small or very hasty so that few of their family and friends had been able to attend. Again, people could give a gift if moved to do so, but there was no expectation or obligation.

There is no UK tradition of showers of any kind, period. These days the bridal industry in the UK is plugging the idea that that they are traditional here and have been since forever - as here, for example: http://www.easyweddings.co.uk/articles/bridal-shower-etiquette/). But they are a very recent import from the US, and most people here would still be uncomfortable with the idea of a party that was held explicitly for the purpose of soliciting gifts.


Harriet Jones

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Re: Engagement Party and Hens Night AFTER the wedding?
« Reply #26 on: February 17, 2018, 12:12:55 PM »
I didn't think an engagement party in the US was a gift-giving occasion, but from googling, i guess it *has* turned into one. 

VorFemme

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Re: Engagement Party and Hens Night AFTER the wedding?
« Reply #27 on: February 17, 2018, 03:13:57 PM »
I didn't think an engagement party in the US was a gift-giving occasion, but from googling, i guess it *has* turned into one. 

From what I've seen, a lot of things have turned into "gift-giving occasions" in the minds of the honorees (or hosts, if you prefer to refer to them that way) - but not all. 

I do remember kids collecting change for a UN (UNICEF) charity for the last forty or more years at Halloween, while trick or treating, not just candy - but they were asking for change & carried small "banks" not pillowcases, like they might have done for the candy...
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lakey

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Re: Engagement Party and Hens Night AFTER the wedding?
« Reply #28 on: February 17, 2018, 05:27:58 PM »
Quote
I didn't think an engagement party in the US was a gift-giving occasion, but from googling, i guess it *has* turned into one.

You're right. It wasn't a gift giving occasion. It was more like what Aleka described in the UK. Some in the wedding industry are trying to turn weddings into over the top extravaganzas where the families try to recoup the costs by getting as much in gifts as they can.

As far as the original post, I wouldn't have a problem with having a reception or celebration after the wedding. Just don't call it an engagement party.You give a gift to people because you are happy for them, not because it is required. I would feel the same way about a "bachelorette", just call it something else, In my experience, those were never gift giving occasions.