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  • November 25, 2017, 03:54:52 AM

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Author Topic: Public tears  (Read 3670 times)

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Easter Hat

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Re: Public tears
« Reply #15 on: October 17, 2017, 11:55:23 AM »
I found myself in the same situation this weekend at my church.  A lot going on in my life and a hymn was just so perfect that it triggered my emotions.  I did what you did.  Luckily I got it together by the end of the song.

mime

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Re: Public tears
« Reply #16 on: October 17, 2017, 12:40:53 PM »
I think you did just fine, and I'm glad you didn't leave, especially since you were in the middle of a 'moment' and it is good to be able to process that. FWIW I think there is a difference between church and "public" anyway. There are a lot of emotional things that happen at church and tears are more common than you think! I also find that a tremendous amount of privacy is granted by everyone sitting there for exactly this kind of thing.

Now, I don't think priests aim to have their congregation in tears, but my guess is that if he knew you were crying, he'd be glad you stayed rather than left, when something he was saying was resonating so powerfully with you.

Amberly

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Re: Public tears
« Reply #17 on: October 17, 2017, 12:48:02 PM »
I'm not familiar with the protocol in Catholic mass, but in the church I attend, tears are common, welcome, and maybe even expected!  It's actually a compliment to the priest that he delivered a sermon that touched you during a difficult time.  There was no breach in etiquette here, and no right or wrong answer.  Just carry some tissues with you when you go to mass in the future!   :)

dani321

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Re: Public tears
« Reply #18 on: October 17, 2017, 01:20:18 PM »
I think I cry every week in church, even if it's just getting a little bit teary during the music, usually happy grateful tears but not always. After a rough week, those tears can be free flowing. If I don't have tissues and can't grab one (we have boxes all over the place, so I guess that reinforces the idea that it's okay to cry!), I just dab at my eyes the best I can, wonder how bad my makeup looks, and put on sunglasses as soon as I'm outside  ;)

I agree with everyone else that if you had left, it would've been more of a distraction, but mostly it would have taken away from your moment and you might not have heard something in the sermon you needed to hear. I think unless someone was openly sobbing loudly during the sermon, most people wouldn't even notice. And really, if someone was openly sobbing loudly, they probably have too much going on to worry about what the rest of us might think!

TootsNYC

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Re: Public tears
« Reply #19 on: October 17, 2017, 02:23:32 PM »
I think that church is one of the places where we are allowed to be emotional like this. If you were sobbing and making all kinds of noise, then yes, excusing yourself would have been better. But silent tears are ok. I agree, that the only polite reaction that others should have had to you is maybe quietly hand you a tissue, but otherwise it sounds like everyone was being polite.

Now, if you were at a restaurant with friends for a fun night out and the tears were somehow triggered, I would have said that you should have stepped out.

In my church, we sometimes refer to our congregation / the church as "the family of God," and I -know- that your church uses the phrase "brothers and sisters in Christ."

We are with family there.
Church is supposed to reach us deeply sometimes, and sometimes we will show it.

I hope the tears, and the message, were helpful.

MMHou

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Re: Public tears
« Reply #20 on: October 17, 2017, 09:44:52 PM »
I was going to quote a PP or two but then found that they all pretty much said what I was thinking.

Iíve found there is something about being in church that makes me feel emotionally vulnerable, but in a good way. Like I donít have to feel bad if I cry about something Iíve been holding in for the week because I had too many other things demanding my attention. Itís like a no judgement zone. And coming from someone whoís not particularly religious, Iím pretty sure thatís part of the point.

Writer of Wrongs

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Re: Public tears
« Reply #21 on: October 18, 2017, 09:34:34 AM »
At my church a couple of weeks ago, one of the hymns was a song that Dad liked to hear me and DH sing, and that he wanted at his funeral. I was in (quiet) tears as soon as it began but collected myself by the end. All that to say, I understand where you're coming from and was grateful we sit near the back of the sanctuary (fair skin/blotchy face/mussed mascara). But you definitely don't need to be embarrassed. As other PPs have said, it's perfectly accepted, even expected, in many places of worship. And I say that as someone who doesn't like for even my DH to see me cry!
Some day, I hope to get paid to kill people. Now, I just do it for fun.

Peppergirl

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Re: Public tears
« Reply #22 on: October 18, 2017, 10:52:17 AM »
Aw, I feel for you! Not church, but my mother and I went to a Dog Expo this weekend, as she's thinking of rescuing a dog.  We both lost our dogs this year and were walking from crate-to-crate, quietly crying because we wanted to take them all home.

I was mildly embarrassed but the attendants were so sweet and assured us that it's quite common.

I would imagine church would be very common for an emotional reaction, so I think you're fine. Also - it's not as though you were making a loud spectacle of yourself. 

I also think even the most controlled of us have had emotional reactions in public. It happens and I am certain it was absolutely fine.

*hug* to you!
 

Addy

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Re: Public tears
« Reply #23 on: October 18, 2017, 11:03:04 AM »
Like so many others, Iíve been in exactly the same position before...more than once! Even down to the lack of tissues.

I think we can see from this thread that crying in church is a fairly common occurrence and if you hadnít noticed it before, then itís unlikely that others noticed you. However, if they did, they probably understood, and maybe had experienced the same thing.

Iím glad you stayed.

SiotehCat

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Re: Public tears
« Reply #24 on: October 18, 2017, 01:04:56 PM »
I actually cry all the time. The last couple of years have been difficult for me, but I try to keep a tough exterior. So, I try to get my crying out of the way when I'm at the gym, or shopping, or whatever. I listen to poetry, or audio books, documentaries, etc...

I have never had a problem with this. I'm minding my own business and everyone else should mind theirs.
« Last Edit: October 18, 2017, 01:11:41 PM by SiotehCat »

Klein Bottle

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Re: Public tears
« Reply #25 on: October 21, 2017, 10:06:01 AM »
Even though you didn't ask for them, (((((hugs))))).

I cry at church early and often.  😁  A beautiful hymn or worship song can really touch me deeply, and the tears arise unbidden. (Music does this to me in general, but at mass, it's taken to eleven. )  You did fine.

The fact that his homily arose such strong emotions in you means that your deacon was doing something right!
Soft silly music is meaningful, magical

Venus193

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Re: Public tears
« Reply #26 on: October 21, 2017, 11:12:46 AM »
I think that church is one of the places where we are allowed to be emotional like this. If you were sobbing and making all kinds of noise, then yes, excusing yourself would have been better. But silent tears are ok. I agree, that the only polite reaction that others should have had to you is maybe quietly hand you a tissue, but otherwise it sounds like everyone was being polite.

Now, if you were at a restaurant with friends for a fun night out and the tears were somehow triggered, I would have said that you should have stepped out.

Perfectly stated.  I agree completely.





Twik

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Re: Public tears
« Reply #27 on: October 26, 2017, 11:22:05 AM »
I regularly turn into Old Faithful during our Christmas pageant.

Honest tears aren't under our control. And at what other time should they better be shed then during a deep spiritual examination?
My cousin's memoir of love and loneliness while raising a child with multiple disabilities will be out on Amazon soon! Know the Night, by Maria Mutch, has been called "full of hope, light, and companionship for surviving the small hours of the night."