News: IT'S THE 2ND ANNUAL GUATEMALA LIBRARY PROJECT BOOK DRIVE!    LOOKING FOR DONATIONS OF SCIENCE BOOKS THIS YEAR.    Check it out in the "Extending the Hand of Kindness" folder or here: http://www.etiquettehell.com/smf/index.php?topic=139832.msg3372084#msg3372084   

  • November 25, 2017, 03:55:33 AM

Login with username, password and session length

Author Topic: How to give a used gift  (Read 4281 times)

0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.

daisies

  • Member
  • Posts: 56
How to give a used gift
« on: October 20, 2017, 10:49:50 AM »
My older brother and his wife are having their first child, yay! They are having a baby shower later this year.

I'm planning on buying something nice from their registry, but in addition to that, I also want to gift a used baby playmat that I found for only $5 at a thrift store. It is one of those playmats that have attached legs which you lock into place with toys that dangle over the baby as he lays on his back.

It is in excellent condition and looks brand new. But it's large and is a very awkward shape and is obviously used since it doesn't have it's original box or any other kind of packaging.

I normally wouldn't care about giving a used gift because most people in my life are also thrifting lovers like me, but my brother and his wife make around $250k combined (in the Midwest), live in a rich neighborhood, and prefer the finer things in life.

How can I present this large, awkwardly shaped, and obviously used gift so that it's not awkward to open in front of a wealthy crowd at a baby shower? Or should I just not?

FWIW, I don't have anyone else in my life to give the gift to.

Here is what the playmat looks like. It's about 3-4 feet long - https://target.scene7.com/is/image/Target/5996eeeab3768d00012e413814300791_Vid01


Kiwipinball

  • Member
  • Posts: 1458
Re: How to give a used gift
« Reply #1 on: October 20, 2017, 10:53:59 AM »
I LOVE used stuff, especially for little kids. I don't know that I would give it at the shower though. I feel weird doing that with used items (unless you can't tell). Can you gift it at another time?

BeagleMommy

  • Member
  • Posts: 3905
Re: How to give a used gift
« Reply #2 on: October 20, 2017, 10:54:15 AM »
You don't need to mention to your brother and SIL that you bought the gift used.

Sometimes you can find large gift bags to wrap gifts that are of unusual size or shape.  You could check a local card store to see if they have something.

TeamBhakta

  • Member
  • Posts: 1634
Re: How to give a used gift
« Reply #3 on: October 20, 2017, 10:57:46 AM »
I would not suggest lying by omission that it's used, even in good condition. Just present it your brother as "Hey, I was in a thrift store & found something cute for the baby. Let me know if you'd like it." If he & his wife are uncomfortable with the gift, just redonate it to the thrift store.

zainabzks

  • Member
  • Posts: 1754
Re: How to give a used gift
« Reply #4 on: October 20, 2017, 11:02:38 AM »
I agree with Team Bhakta. Also, I don't think I'd buy and give a used playmat. It may be in excellent condition, but another baby most probably has spit, leaked and rolled in it. At least wash it (and its toys) very well so that there isn't any "other baby" stuff on it.

Tell your brother in advance so he can do whatever he wants with it. Give the gift discreetly if you feel like it.

It is very thoughtful and kind of you to want to get the baby stuff! :) Congrats to you and your family!

Outdoor Girl

  • Member
  • Posts: 16414
Re: How to give a used gift
« Reply #5 on: October 20, 2017, 11:04:07 AM »
Will you see them before or after the shower?  If so, I think I'd give them the play mat separate from the shower and give something off the registry at the shower.

Easier on everyone, if they are dead set against having something used for their baby.

(Personally?  I think it's a great gift!)
After cleaning out my Dad's house, I have this advice:  If you haven't used it in a year, throw it out!!!!.
Ontario

POF

  • Member
  • Posts: 3201
Re: How to give a used gift
« Reply #6 on: October 20, 2017, 11:17:07 AM »
I'm thrifty and I will gladly use certain second hand things. 

However the only time I would give something secondhand to another person would be to pass on something I or my kids had used. ( such as clothes, some toys, etc. )

I would not gift a thrift item, nor would I pass it on to new parents unless I had been asked to look out for this particular item. 

POF

MurPl1

  • Member
  • Posts: 1533
Re: How to give a used gift
« Reply #7 on: October 20, 2017, 11:18:17 AM »
I think there's a difference between used by your family and used by strangers you've never met and left out at a thrift store.  I personally wouldn't feel comfortable presenting either category as a gift.  And definitely not at a shower.  I would be taken aback if I was at a shower where handy-me-downs were given in the same way a new item was.  Obviously if it's an heirloom that's different.  But anything from Target? No.

If You do give them this item then I agree with the PP that it must be thoroughly cleaned first.  And when you give it to them do not wrap it up as a gift.  Just package for transportation and say you saw it at the thrift store and thought they might like it.  And that you thoroughly cleaned it. 

Fwiw my advice is the same from both the perspective of someone making $30 living in a $100K home and someone who lives a lifestyle now that is not unlike this couple. 

bah12

  • Member
  • Posts: 6866
Re: How to give a used gift
« Reply #8 on: October 20, 2017, 11:54:57 AM »
How would you have gifted it to someone that doesn't make $250K a year?  If you think that they wouldn't like the gift because they are 'used to the finer things in life', then why give it to them at all?  If you think that it would embarrass them at the shower, then why present it there?

I agree with ensuring it's thoroughly cleaned.  Other than that, you can either put it in a large gift bag, or, since you are purchasing something from their registry anyway, let them know that you found it, thought they would like it and offer it to them outside of the baby shower.

Hmmmmm

  • Member
  • Posts: 8883
Re: How to give a used gift
« Reply #9 on: October 20, 2017, 12:15:27 PM »
My older brother and his wife are having their first child, yay! They are having a baby shower later this year.

I'm planning on buying something nice from their registry, but in addition to that, I also want to gift a used baby playmat that I found for only $5 at a thrift store. It is one of those playmats that have attached legs which you lock into place with toys that dangle over the baby as he lays on his back.



For the shower, I would only take one gift and that would be the item you purchase from the registry. I would save the playmat to give at a later date.

In my family, something picked up from a thrift store is almost regarded the same as a hand me down. We are all excited and happy to receive them, but we wouldn't gift them as a shower gift.

Harriet Jones

  • Member
  • Posts: 8650
  • Yes, we know who you are.
Re: How to give a used gift
« Reply #10 on: October 20, 2017, 12:45:57 PM »
I have no problems with hand-me-downs, either, but I wouldn't give it as a shower gift.

I'd make sure it was clean and give it at another time.

daisies

  • Member
  • Posts: 56
Re: How to give a used gift
« Reply #11 on: October 20, 2017, 12:55:43 PM »
Thanks all, I was already considering giving it to them outside of the baby shower, and I think that's what I'm going to do. I'll only give the nicer, new gifts during the shower.

How would you have gifted it to someone that doesn't make $250K a year?  If you think that they wouldn't like the gift because they are 'used to the finer things in life', then why give it to them at all?  If you think that it would embarrass them at the shower, then why present it there?

I have a feeling you are a bit offended by my mention of their economic status. I only mention their salary and that they prefer the finer things in life as an indirect and polite way of saying their personalities are a bit.... snobbish. (And I'm not implying that all people of a certain wealth are snobby. Just these particular people are). This whole question was, "Should I give a used gift to a snobby couple, and if so, how do I do it?"

As for why I'm giving it to them at all?
I just want to help my brother with as many things as I can but I can only afford one new gift, so I am excited to give them a used gift I found at a bargain, at the risk that they won't like it.

RainyDays

  • Member
  • Posts: 344
Re: How to give a used gift
« Reply #12 on: October 20, 2017, 01:15:07 PM »
I'm thrifty and I will gladly use certain second hand things. 

However the only time I would give something secondhand to another person would be to pass on something I or my kids had used. ( such as clothes, some toys, etc. )

I would not gift a thrift item, nor would I pass it on to new parents unless I had been asked to look out for this particular item. 

POF

I agree. I would give the playmat at a different occasion, not at the shower.

FWIW, I have gifted used items at a shower, but they weren't thrifted. They were items either I or my DS had used and outgrown, that I knew would be appreciated. I also think that's key -- that you know they will be appreciated. In my case, I also gave new items in the gift as well -- basically, the hand-me-downs were in addition to a typical shower gift, not instead of.


Some people loved thrifted things, others do not. I fall in the second category. I am all about hand-me-downs from friends and family. But something about cloth items that cannot easily be thrown in the washing machine that came from a family I don't know (who for all I know purchased that item used themselves) I just can't do.

Lulubelle

  • Member
  • Posts: 191
Re: How to give a used gift
« Reply #13 on: October 20, 2017, 01:19:02 PM »
You know your brother & his wife.  Do you think they would appreciate this gift?  Is there a grandparent that baby will visit?  Would this be received better by grandparent?

Runningstar

  • Member
  • Posts: 807
Re: How to give a used gift
« Reply #14 on: October 20, 2017, 01:27:20 PM »
The only thing that bothered me when getting used baby items was whether or not they could be completely and safely sanitized.  If it could be washed in hot water with detergent, ok.  If not, then I would not have wanted it.  This is just a safety issue imo, not a problem that it was bought in a thrift store.

I will also admit that I did prefer new items as a gift, the second hand stuff was either just given to me or I bought it myself.

I'd ask your brother, and if he is hesitant - many daycares/churches/shelters might love to get it.