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  • November 24, 2017, 10:32:15 PM

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Author Topic: How to give a used gift  (Read 4278 times)

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Zizi-K

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Re: How to give a used gift
« Reply #30 on: October 22, 2017, 09:32:12 AM »
I think this really is about audience and venue. My family got me lots of used stuff for my daughter (just turned 1!), and they spent a lot of money at times on it. For example, a used-but-still-perfectly-good bassinet retails for $175 and my sister got it for $70. It was a great deal, but still not cheap. I appreciated all of those gifts, and was very glad to have them. However, I think it would have been slightly weird to receive them at a baby shower, which makes a big production out of opening gifts. I would offer the playmat  to your brother, but just do so at a different time other than the baby shower. Wealthy people don't get wealthy because they spend their money willy-nilly. I would imagine that this family still appreciates a good deal. Why spend more when you can spend less on the same thing?

If you're worried about your one gift not looking substantial enough, you might round it out with some clothes. Places like Carters and other online retailers have crazy good deals all the time, like 60% off, etc. Or you could shop a place like Nordstrom Rack or TJ Maxx for great baby clothes super cheap.

Or just go with your one gift and be fine with it! One gift is perfect!

TracyXJ

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Re: How to give a used gift
« Reply #31 on: October 22, 2017, 10:54:04 AM »
If it ends up they don't want it, perhaps you or nearby family can use it for when the baby is visiting.  (As long as the hygiene / cleanliness is not an issue, as other posters mentioned.)

I think this is a great idea!

I was scanning through the whole thread to see if someone mentioned this.  My mom has a bunch of stuff at her house that she got from neighbors whose grandkids out grew it and another neighbor that likes to pick up things at thrift shops.  It's awesome when we come to visit with our 2 boys and don't have to haul stuff that they already have.

Cor

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Re: How to give a used gift
« Reply #32 on: October 22, 2017, 07:50:29 PM »
Snip

However, I think it would have been slightly weird to receive them at a baby shower, which makes a big production out of opening gifts.

LOL. My (very wealthy) SIL offered me her nursery set (curtains, bumper, etc) when she found out we were planning a theme similar to the one her kids had had. I accepted. She wrapped it and gave it to me at the shower. I had to ooh and aah over it. It was made so much weirder by the fact that my other SIL had given me SO many handmedowns weeks earlier and then at the end of the shower...not wrapped up and not expecting the whole crowd to smile in approval. First SIL did not buy anything else to go with the used gifts (although she was co-hostess for this family only gathering, maybe she over-contributed there?).

LemonZen

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Re: How to give a used gift
« Reply #33 on: October 23, 2017, 09:22:58 AM »
I agree with the majority that I think it's fine to get used items, especially for kids who often outgrow them long before they wear them out, but I wouldn't present it as a gift.

I've received many used item for my kids, and it's been a huge help and I'm very grateful. I also think it's much less wasteful to pass along kids stuff than to always buy new. But most times, it was presented as a "Hey I have this item/these clothes my kids have outgrown, would you like them?"

I did receive a used item, presented as a gift, and it was a bit confusing. It was wrapped as a present, with a card, given to me in passing so I ended up opening it at home. It was a baby boy's jacket, clearly used with no tags (and some cat hair on it.) The person who gave it to me had all girls, so I'm pretty sure it wasn't theirs. I'm guessing it came from a thrift store or something. I ended up using it, since I was able to give it a good wash, and in the end it was a pretty useful gift, but it kinda threw me a bit. I would have liked to have a heads up that it was used so I knew to wash it before putting it on my child (I mean, I could tell it needed it, but what if I couldn't have? Or what if someone in my family had cat allergies?)

Anyway I think used items are best presented as such so parents can be aware. Most parents in my acquaintance have been happy to get hand-me-downs or thrift store finds to cut back on the many costs of outfitting a house for a baby. If your brother and his wife have "snobbish" traits, they may not be among them, so go with your instinct on that one.

Lulubelle

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Re: How to give a used gift
« Reply #34 on: October 23, 2017, 01:12:06 PM »
This thread gave me a nice memory.  My DD was the first baby girl of the 3rd generation. Everyone was very excited, and everyone went a little overboard buying things.  My aunt is very thrifty, and she found an adorable white faux fur coat at a flea market.  She found it towards the end of the day, and the seller gave her a large plastic bag to fill for $3.00.  We had the coat professionally cleaned, and it looked like it was brand new. It was sized for a 2-3 year old.  My daughter wore it for two winters. When my cousin (Aunt's daughter) had her baby girl, I gifted her lots of baby clothes.  I had the white coat professionally cleaned again and I added a pair of mittens to go with it.  She daughter was able to wear it for 2 winters.  When that little girl outgrew it, the next little girl had a turn.  We have pictures of all of the little girls at 2 dressed up with the white coat on.  Pretty good investment.

TurtleDove

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Re: How to give a used gift
« Reply #35 on: October 23, 2017, 04:51:44 PM »
I don’t know that not wanting used items for your child is “snobbish.” People are allowed to have preferences. The parents should not be rude about any gift given to them, but to say it is “snobbish” to not want certain used items is not fair. If I were given something used that I did not want, I would thank the giver but not use the item. Especially since the OP seems to already know the parents won’t want her used gift, I don’t think it makes sense to give it to them.

lowspark

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Re: How to give a used gift
« Reply #36 on: October 24, 2017, 07:52:48 AM »
I don’t know that not wanting used items for your child is “snobbish.” People are allowed to have preferences. The parents should not be rude about any gift given to them, but to say it is “snobbish” to not want certain used items is not fair. If I were given something used that I did not want, I would thank the giver but not use the item. Especially since the OP seems to already know the parents won’t want her used gift, I don’t think it makes sense to give it to them.

To be fair, the OP did not associate them being snobbish with their desire for the gift. At this point, we really don't know how her brother and his wife feel about the gift being used. OP has not actually posted that she has asked and gotten a response.

Here is her original quote about them being snobbish.
I only mention their salary and that they prefer the finer things in life as an indirect and polite way of saying their personalities are a bit.... snobbish. (And I'm not implying that all people of a certain wealth are snobby. Just these particular people are). This whole question was, "Should I give a used gift to a snobby couple, and if so, how do I do it?"

OP has the impression that the couple is snobbish based on things that have nothing to do with the gift, since at the point of this post, the couple know nothing about the gift and the OP doesn't know if they will want it or not.
Houston 
Texas 
USA 

kudeebee

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Re: How to give a used gift
« Reply #37 on: October 30, 2017, 11:58:13 PM »
Call your brother and mention to him that you found the playmat at a thrift store and that it was in great condition with a good price and you couldn't resist buying it.  Take a picture of it and send it to him so he can show his wife.  Tell him that you thought of their new baby and wanted to ask him first if he and his wife would like it for their baby before you passed it on to someone else.  This gives them the chance to say no graciously and not feel obligated to take it and then have to get rid of it/store it for when you visit/etc. 

If he says "yes", great!  If he says no, donate it back to the thrift shop; sell it online and use that money to buy another gift; or donate to a church/organization that helps mothers. 

I wouldn't ask anyone to keep it at their house for baby to use, especially since it is good sized and will have to be stored somewhere when not in use.  Also, the baby may not visit this house a lot and could easily outgrow it.

TootsNYC

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Re: How to give a used gift
« Reply #38 on: November 01, 2017, 12:14:06 PM »
Is that possibly an Infantino (name brand)?  Because those are not really just "play mats".  They're considered 'gyms' and are often quite a bit more expensive than the typical baby shower gift.

I understand why you bought it and truthfully I think it would be a great gift that the baby would love, but sadly I have to agree with previous posters that your well-to-do brother and his wife might not fully appreciate it because of where you got it.


In this case, I would frame the gym/play mat as "what a phenomenal find, I thought it was so very cool and the baby will love it." In other words, play up your PERSONAL thoughts in giving the gift. Link it to your enthusiasm, tell them that you personally are invested in this specific object as a gift for their baby.

Maybe even say, "I would never be able to afford to buy one new, so I was really thrilled to find one that's in such lovely shape. It's basically just missing the packaging."

And I would give it before the shower. Or after, I suppose, but really I'd call them and talk about it now, and then -deliver- it at the shower.