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Author Topic: Sick about IL's visit  (Read 3560 times)

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Sick about IL's visit
« on: November 12, 2017, 02:29:12 PM »

I realized that I am officially married to a DuH. We have been married two years. We moved across the country and seven states away from his parents, which has been the best possible thing for our relationship. We are both much happier as a result of this.
His brother died almost two years ago, so he has been an only child since then. I really think MIL believes she is married to him. His parents are exceptionally passive aggressive people. MIL rules the roost, and FIL is completely submissive to MIL. Other than that, his extended family is fabulous (excluding Grandma).
I am sick about this upcoming Thanksgiving. His family all stays with family when they come into town. I think this is a horrible idea, but DuH wouldn't agree to putting them in a hotel. I backed off because I think he needs to see how this will work itself out before he agrees it's a bad idea going forward. I think he needs to experience the consequences of his actions. They are also bringing Grandma, who is just a mean angry woman to begin with. I have not spoken to any of them since May.
I am not sure if I can handle all of them in my home for five days. I am an assistant school principal, so I have plenty of work to do at school if I need to leave. I just need to know what to be prepared for. I do know if MIL spouts off about our fertility (currently TTC for 10 months-which may be off the table pending the outcome of the visit), or my dishes, or anything else, I will say "if you don't like it you can leave".
In terms of DuH, I am not sure divorce is the answer, but we did sign up for couples therapy which hasn't started yet. I think a lot will be answered after this first upcoming visit. Putting distance between us is great, and I think DuH is trainable.
So, what do I need to be prepared for? What else do I need to do? I know one of you may not like the fact that I backed off about staying in our house, but I think DuHs are a lot like kids, they need to experience the consequences of their actions before they make the right decision.


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Re: Sick about IL's visit
« Reply #1 on: November 12, 2017, 03:08:48 PM »
Someone else posted about a similar situation some time back, and one of the responses was to make the DuH totally responsible for feeding, watering, and entertaining his family while the poster took a vacation of her own.  Make him deal with everything, then he won't be so eager to host next year, I'll bet.


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Re: Sick about IL's visit
« Reply #2 on: November 12, 2017, 04:01:25 PM »
If a man came here and referred to his wife by some derogatory acronym, all hell would break loose. You don't seem to have a lot of respect for your husband, which is your right but the term "DuH" is rude, sexist and will not be tolerated. Also, this post is a rant.

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