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  • November 23, 2017, 04:33:45 PM

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Author Topic: Babysitting rules  (Read 3922 times)

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lowspark

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Re: Babysitting rules
« Reply #15 on: November 14, 2017, 01:29:25 PM »
This:
This could end up applying to many things while you care for him. 

Begin as you mean to go on. You are doing her a huge favor and as such, I think you get to set your own terms. Honestly, even if she were paying you, you can set your own terms. She then gets to decide whether or not she will accept those terms.

If you start setting separate rules for each kid, what will you do when she begins making other requests for rule differences? She might not, of course, but I'd be prepared in case she does.

If she is serious about no phones, or any other rules, she can pay someone who will adhere to her house rules.

Blue words are mine in the above quote.
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Mustard

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Re: Babysitting rules
« Reply #16 on: November 14, 2017, 02:12:22 PM »
I think the fact you are doing your neighbour a huge favour is laudable, but I'm in the 'your house, your rules' camp.  An 8 year old is mature enough to understand that concept.

As an aside, has your neighbour got any back-up plans if you are unable to provide care for whatever reason at any time? 

BlendedFamily

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Re: Babysitting rules
« Reply #17 on: November 14, 2017, 03:11:58 PM »
I think the fact you are doing your neighbour a huge favour is laudable, but I'm in the 'your house, your rules' camp.  An 8 year old is mature enough to understand that concept.

As an aside, has your neighbour got any back-up plans if you are unable to provide care for whatever reason at any time?

She has no family in this country. Her husband has family but are all grown, living on their own with jobs and such. She mentioned using my daughter but my daughter is my babysitter. My needs will come first and daughter has said she’s not comfortable watching both boys, even for an hour. So no, she doesn’t really have any back up or support.
Strive to be the best possible person you can be, not what others have dictated are their expectations of you!

GardenGal

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Re: Babysitting rules
« Reply #18 on: November 14, 2017, 03:17:23 PM »
OP-  You're very kind to be doing your neighbor such a big favor.  I agree with those who say your house, your rules.  She should be the one to tell her son that he cannot use the phone while he's at your house, it's not on you to enforce that.

Also,
Quote
There are no set days or hours. She works retail and is very new there so she’ll be getting a schedule soon. It won’t always be the same days/hours though. Some will be full days on a weekend though
  This is a LOT of time you expending.  What has she proposed to do for you in exchange?  Sounds like this could significantly impact what you might otherwise be doing with your own family.  Even if she can't pay you, she should be doing something.  Maybe watch your son sometimes so you and your DH can have a date night, something like that.
"No matter where you go, there you are." Buckaroo Banzai

mime

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Re: Babysitting rules
« Reply #19 on: November 14, 2017, 04:02:51 PM »
If it were me, I would put the phone away until after the Neighbor Child had gone home.  You can easily explain to your son that "Neighbor Child is not allowed to use phones for games and we don't want him to feel left out when he's here.  We will play board games, watch TV, play outside, etc. while he's here and you can play games on the phone when he goes home.".

I think I would tend towards this. Not that it is required, but I think it is a kindness that is easy enough to do. There are plenty of hours remaining in the day after the neighbor goes home when my kid can use the phone.

I would definitely not let the neighbor kid play on the phone unless I had a talk with the mom and she was OK with it.

JoieGirl7

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Re: Babysitting rules
« Reply #20 on: November 14, 2017, 10:42:13 PM »
Allowing something special like phone access for one child and not another is a recipe for frustration.

I think you do one of two things.  Restrict your son's use of the phone while the neighbor kid is there or let mom know that if her child is going to be in your home, he is going to use the phone.

If she wants special circumstances for her child she can pay for it, her choice.

TootsNYC

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Re: Babysitting rules
« Reply #21 on: November 14, 2017, 11:14:14 PM »
Then again--this kid is rough enough that your daughter doesn't want him touching her tablet.

Your phone has a good case, but you also watch your kid relatively closely when he has your phone. Do you want to put that much energy into watching this kid? And will he treat your phone well?


lowspark

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Re: Babysitting rules
« Reply #22 on: November 15, 2017, 07:22:06 AM »
Then again--this kid is rough enough that your daughter doesn't want him touching her tablet.

Your phone has a good case, but you also watch your kid relatively closely when he has your phone. Do you want to put that much energy into watching this kid? And will he treat your phone well?

For me, the issue of whether the OP wants this kid playing on her phone or not, due to how rough he might treat it, is a red herring.

Sure, she might want to put the phone away while he is there, for the sake of the phone, but the real issue here is, whose rules get enforced when the OP is babysitting, the mom's or hers?

Because right now, the issue is playing with the phone. But other issues can and will crop up. What the child eats or drinks, what shows he's allowed to watch, how much outside playtime is allowed, etc.

Now is the time for the OP to set down the rules. When you take your child to a daycare, for example, you don't get to dictate to the daycare what toys your child can play with or how they set their curriculum. You have chosen the facility, and you trust that they will do their best to provide your child with a safe, comfortable environment.

The same goes here. Mom does not get to micromanage the daycare that OP is providing, and the time to lay down that law is now.
Houston 
Texas 
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rashea

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Re: Babysitting rules
« Reply #23 on: November 15, 2017, 09:29:56 AM »
Honestly, I think you're setting yourself up for feeling resentful. You're watching this kid with little notice due to her not having a consistent work schedule. You're trying to follow her rules. You're losing out on time for your life.

I'd have a few questions for the family. I'm not saying you need to answer them here, but you should know the answer.

1. What are they doing in return? Could they cook you dinner or something? Do they have skills they could barter?
2. I'm all for people going to school, but I don't see why that would mean he couldn't watch the kid most of the time. Especially weekends.
3. Have they looked into social services? Could you get some compensation from the state for watching this kid?
4. What's their plan for if you are busy? What if you want to go away for a few days?
5. What's the timeline for this massive favor to end?
6. What costs will you have to do this favor? Feeding a kid can add up fast. Are you taking him to activities? What about gas?
7. What are they doing to provide him with entertainment for when he's at your house? A bored kid is harder to manage.

As for their rules. I think in this situation, they don't get to make much of a say on any of it. They can set some general rules, but if they want you to enforce rules that are different than your own, I think they need to pay you. Otherwise, it's your call.
"Manners change, principles don't. It's about treating people with consideration, respect and honesty." Peter Post

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miranova

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Re: Babysitting rules
« Reply #24 on: November 15, 2017, 10:04:35 AM »
To me, this isn't about house rules at all.  Just because I let my own child play with my $400 device, doesn't mean I am obligated to let anyone else's child play with my $400 device.  It's my expensive property. If my own child damages it, well, that's on me.  But if someone else's child damages it, that's opens a can of worms.  I do not want to even risk that.  It would be awkward, no matter what the parent's financial situation is, to ask for reimbursement.  I'd rather not put myself in that position.  I'm not giving my phone to anyone else's 8 year old child. 

And, I also don't see this as a guest situation, where I'd expect my child to entertain this child the whole time, or expect them to alter their routine the whole time the child is there.  If the child is going to be there a lot, for babysitting, then they need to bring some of their own entertainment (books, toys etc) or entertain themselves by watching TV at my house or playing in the yard etc.  If my child had a guest, who was there to play with him, then I'll say no phone for a few hours for either of them.  But that's not the situation.
« Last Edit: November 15, 2017, 10:06:08 AM by miranova »

YummyMummy66

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Re: Babysitting rules
« Reply #25 on: November 15, 2017, 10:19:30 AM »
As someone who used to babysit in her home, I see a few red flags.

Although, their situation is not your problem, it is nice that you wish to help this neighbor out, but I see this becoming old real fast. 

If the husband is in school, why must you watch said child full days on weekends?   Does he go to school on weekends?  You state he has no income, so I assume he has no job.  Is he also planning to get one?  If not, I would say no to the weekends  Dad can watch his own kid.  8 years is old enough to take care of and get your school work done or whatever needs to be done around the house.

As for the phone issue, there are other things the kid can do.  If he is rough, I would not let him on any of my devices at all.  But, you wil have to realize that there will be times, (not always), that you will have to engage all the kids together in some kind of activity, instead of letting them all play with devices.  I don't think it is right to have two kids playing on devices while one cannot.  Because I can see this kid getting bored if the other two are on devices and he is not.  And that is where the trouble will come in.  Bored kids tend to get into mischief.   Although, your house, your rules, I agree with. 

Two Ravens

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Re: Babysitting rules
« Reply #26 on: November 15, 2017, 12:01:58 PM »
To me, this isn't about house rules at all.  Just because I let my own child play with my $400 device, doesn't mean I am obligated to let anyone else's child play with my $400 device.  It's my expensive property. If my own child damages it, well, that's on me.  But if someone else's child damages it, that's opens a can of worms.  I do not want to even risk that.  It would be awkward, no matter what the parent's financial situation is, to ask for reimbursement.  I'd rather not put myself in that position.  I'm not giving my phone to anyone else's 8 year old child. 

This may Be he reason the other mother does not want her child to play with phones, because she knows she doesn’t have the means to replace it if it gets broken.

I think if the OP allows the child to use her phone against the mother’s wishes, she has no grounds to ask her to replace it if it gets broken.

bopper

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Re: Babysitting rules
« Reply #27 on: November 15, 2017, 02:57:53 PM »
I agree... abide by her rules. Don't let her son play on phones. This is a reasonable request (and why would you want him to play on your phone).
I know at our babysitter had parents ask that their child be fed organic food/no candy and they honored that request (parent brought the food).

May not be a bad idea for your son not to play on a phone he is there in general because it is good to play and color and build. But that is your choice and does not impact the other boy.

I also agree that it seems easiest for your neighbor to have you watch her son...easy and free.

But has she looked into programs that support people going to school?
Is her husband doing his share of the work?
What if the kid is sick?
What if you are sick?
Who pays for food?
What if you want to do something on the weekend? Do you have to pay for him?
Is there a regular schedule?
What if you are on vacation?


I would suggest doing a trial run and see how it goes. You may find it is no big deal (and maybe easier if the kids play) or you may find yourself with a disrupted house.

miranova

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Re: Babysitting rules
« Reply #28 on: November 15, 2017, 03:31:53 PM »
To me, this isn't about house rules at all.  Just because I let my own child play with my $400 device, doesn't mean I am obligated to let anyone else's child play with my $400 device.  It's my expensive property. If my own child damages it, well, that's on me.  But if someone else's child damages it, that's opens a can of worms.  I do not want to even risk that.  It would be awkward, no matter what the parent's financial situation is, to ask for reimbursement.  I'd rather not put myself in that position.  I'm not giving my phone to anyone else's 8 year old child. 

This may Be he reason the other mother does not want her child to play with phones, because she knows she doesn’t have the means to replace it if it gets broken.

I think if the OP allows the child to use her phone against the mother’s wishes, she has no grounds to ask her to replace it if it gets broken.

Oh I totally agree with that as well.

Hmmmmm

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Re: Babysitting rules
« Reply #29 on: November 15, 2017, 05:50:38 PM »
I wouldn't allow the child to use your phone for a few reasons:
1. Your DD has "her" tablet which you will be enforcing the concept that neighbor child does not get to use. I wouldn't complicate that with saying he can use other electronics you own.
2. Allowing the 8 yr old to use your phone that is normally the "toy" of your 4 your old gives the impression that other toys of your 4 year olds is fair game.

I wouldn't stop your son from using your phone when the boy is around. Since you are normally interacting with your son when he's on it, you'll need to have come up something for the neighbor boy to be doing anyway. So maybe you and your son play with the phone when neighbor boy is watching a favorite show or is outside playing.