Adorable Old Lady/Man Syndrome

[Clara Bow]

Why is it that when people get to a certain age (over sixty five, say) they decide they can say whatever horrible thing that they want and people have to take it?? My grandmother is the worst for it, she is cat-spit mean to her kids and gets all wounded when they call her on it (rarely happens). My own Evil Grand Aunt was the same way (see my post on Comebacks That Never Were in the Coffee Break folder) and working with the public all these years I've seen it a million times. They say something Godawful and then if you respond you have no respect for your elders and they go insane on you.
I call it Adorable Old Lady/Man Syndrome. Anyone got any examples? Or know what I'm talking (read whining) about?

[wetblanket]

Or know what I'm talking (read whining) about?

Yes, althought some people do not wait until they are old to start acting like that!

In our building there was a fire alarm one night and so all the tenants congregated in the lobby.  One woman was there with her little girl (about 2).  The little girl was getting a bit bored and fidgety while we waited, but it wasn't too bad.  Nevertheless this old man picked up his cane and shook it at her in a threatening sort of way.  The girl's mother didn't see this and I don't think the girl knew what he meant.  But I did and I was not impressed. 

[Brentwood]

I have fortunately been spared this so far, but I've heard enough horror stories to know the behavior is pretty common.

My parents are 67 and just about the nicest couple you could ever hope to meet. My maternal grandmother was set in her ways and fairly rigid about that, but very kind and polite all her years.

My paternal grandmother underwent a personality change in her declining years, but she'd been in a car accident that shattered many of her bones and possibly caused a stroke. (My uncle, who is a doctor, believes she had a stroke that caused the car accident, and that the accident itself caused a second stroke.) She spent ten years in a nursing home, living in a bubble of unreality. Sometimes she became downright mean, but it seems to me more a function of her diminished mental capacity and/or frustration, and not as a function of her having been old.

I have elderly neighbors who smile and wave when I walk by with the children on our way to or from school, but I'm sure this neighborhood must have its own version of the grumpy old man who shakes his fist and warns people to "stay off my lawn!"

[Clara Bow]

Oh, now people suffering mental illness/injury don't count! If you can't help the things you say I don't hold it against you!

[HogwartsAlum]

We used to get people like that in the deli-cafe I worked at all the time.  We had several regulars who were seniors, and they were some of the sweetest people I have ever met in my life. 

Others were - well, not so much.  I kind of got the feeling that they were already like that, and being older, just felt like they didn't have to censor themselves so much.  I was always nice to them anyway, and in a couple of cases, managed to break through and actually befriend them. 

[Ulla dances in a silly way]

My issue with working retail and having elderly customers is that the bad ones get angry because a) things are more expensive now than when they were a kid, b) stores are bigger and associates cannot devote as much time to a single customer as mom and pop shops could, c) I'm young, d) clothing no longer comes in a particular style they like (I actually had my own great-aunt yell at me about this one), or e) all of the above.

Honestly, things change, live with it.

Of course, there are many, many more elderly customers who are a delight and who I love to serve. Those few really do stick out, though.

-Ulla

[MrsP81]

My Gramma will no longer have her SIL and me in the house at the same time because it causes wars. Gramma's SIL says something terrible and I call her on it. She tells me I am being rude and I stand up to her. I refuse to treat her like a sweet little old lady when she is a miserable old hag who thinks her point of view is the only one worth listening to.

[Slartibartfast]

My mother always told me that when you get old, you become more like you've always been.  Grumpy little old ladies have always been grumpy, they just get more so when they get older.  Sweet little old ladies have probably always been sweet and cheerful, and they continue treating people that way.  Rude old people have always been rude - they just say things louder and more frequently now.

[dawbs]

My mother always told me that when you get old, you become more like you've always been.  Grumpy little old ladies have always been grumpy, they just get more so when they get older.  Sweet little old ladies have probably always been sweet and cheerful, and they continue treating people that way.  Rude old people have always been rude - they just say things louder and more frequently now.

I don't disagree with that concept.  It's a loss of inhibitions.

When my grandmother's dimentia started getting worse (I know, this post isn't about those w/ these sorts of handicaps, but I think it's somewhat applicable nevertheless), she said things she always *thought* but had been to polite to say.

So when she commented loudly on how overweight someone was or used obscenities (before her illness, her favorite public expletive was "for the love of Pete"), those of us who knew her WELL knew that those were tings she always commented on quietly, but she had always had inhibitions (good ones, obviously) that prevented her from saying these things--at least to most people--she had always thought them.

[JoyinVirginia]

My mother always told me that when you get old, you become more like you've always been.  Grumpy little old ladies have always been grumpy, they just get more so when they get older.  Sweet little old ladies have probably always been sweet and cheerful, and they continue treating people that way.  Rude old people have always been rude - they just say things louder and more frequently now.

I agree 100%. This has been my experience in my own family. The sweet aunts stayed nice and sweet. The bossy know-it-all rude aunts  became more bossy, more rude, louder because hearing wasn't good anymore, and angry at younger relations because they were getting older and less able to function while the younger relations still had all their faculties and independence. Part of it is jealousy, part is anger at aging in the first place, part of it is anger at being ignored more frequently by the family and (former) friends they have chased away by their unpleasant  behavior over the years.
Joy in Virginia

[IndianInlaw]

Clara Peller made a career out of it.

"Where's the beef?"

[madmusician]

Oh! I have a really good one! This occurred when my Mimi (mom's mom) was about 72.

Mom and Dad are divorced, but Mom has always been close with Grandma (Dad's mom). When she died, Mom, Sis, and I were all heartbroken. The funeral was about an hour away from home. We all rode there with Mimi, who also knew Grandma and was fond of her.

After the service, Mimi began to get really snippy with Mom because of a situation that has been dormant and in the past for a good five years. I was about 12 and on the verge of tears all day. I looked at Mimi and said, "Mimi, this is my grandma's funeral. I can't take you going on and on about it. Please shut up and you can gripe some other day." Not the nicest response, but I feel I was excused, it being Grandma's funeral and all.

Apparently Mom and Sis made similar comments--your comments are inappropriate for a funeral and we can talk about it another time. Mimi stormed out to the parking lot, and a few minutes later we went out after her. She proceeded to scream at us for a good 10 minutes, calling us jack@sses repeated times. At the top of her lungs. Just outside a church where a funeral has taken place. Then she drove off, and a couple weeks later wrote us all letters about what awful people we are.

I could tell stories about her all day long, that's just the most memorable.

And no, at that time she had no dementia, alzheimer's, etc. She was in perfect health.

[Emmy]

I think people should get a pass if the meaness is a result of mental decline and not just "I'm old, therefore I'm entitled".

DH's grandmom (I never met her) was described as being a super nice and wonderful woman.   That doesn't suprise me, because her daughter, DH's mom, is also a wonderful caring woman and a great MIL.  However in her older years she became paranoid and even violent at times.  She would name comments to DH's brothers gf (now SIL) about how ugly some of her clothes were (granted this was the late 80's so clothing was ugly).  Who she was at the end of her life was not the person she was throughout the rest of her life and was a result of mental decline.

Of course you can't tell by looking who is actual mean and who is senile.

[Maggie]

As someone who works in retail, I've noticed that the ones who think it's ok to go over the limit in the express lane are usually older and seem to think that they are entitled because of their age.  One woman said well I'm in a hurry so it's ok if I have over 20 items.  Oh really who told you that? (No, I didn't say that but I wanted to)

[Lisbeth]

Why is it that when people get to a certain age (over sixty five, say) they decide they can say whatever horrible thing that they want and people have to take it?? My grandmother is the worst for it, she is cat-spit mean to her kids and gets all wounded when they call her on it (rarely happens). My own Evil Grand Aunt was the same way (see my post on Comebacks That Never Were in the Coffee Break folder) and working with the public all these years I've seen it a million times. They say something Godawful and then if you respond you have no respect for your elders and they go insane on you.
I call it Adorable Old Lady/Man Syndrome. Anyone got any examples? Or know what I'm talking (read whining) about?

Yes.  My grandmother (now deceased) and great-aunt (still alive), on opposite sides of the family, behaved like that for years.