Adorable Old Lady/Man Syndrome

[Bijou]

Why is it that when people get to a certain age (over sixty five, say) they decide they can say whatever horrible thing that they want and people have to take it?? My grandmother is the worst for it, she is cat-spit mean to her kids and gets all wounded when they call her on it (rarely happens). My own Evil Grand Aunt was the same way (see my post on Comebacks That Never Were in the Coffee Break folder) and working with the public all these years I've seen it a million times. They say something Godawful and then if you respond you have no respect for your elders and they go insane on you.
I call it Adorable Old Lady/Man Syndrome. Anyone got any examples? Or know what I'm talking (read whining) about?

Auntie Venom, this thread offends me.  Rude behavior runs through all age groups and people who are rude at 30 will likely be the same way at 65.  Please, lets not bash older people just for the sake of starting a thread.  If you, personally, have a specific thing that is troubling you and involves a person who happens to be of that age that is one thing, but what is the point of holding up an entire group of people as targets?  This is no different than attacking people of another color, or ethnic or nationality. 

[Ulla dances in a silly way]

I can't speak for anyone else and I realize you were not addressing me but this thread has not been about bashing older people. It has been about the specific kind of rudeness that is unique to the people of older generations. I have seen many threads about rude teenagers, about the kids/parents "these days," and others.

Dealing with rude elderly people is different than dealing with someone of your own age or younger, I believe it deserves to be addressed.

If you have been offended by my post, I am sorry, but I was in no way intending a sweeping generalization and thought I had made that clear.

-Ulla

[MsEva]

Why is it that when people get to a certain age (over sixty five, say) they decide they can say whatever horrible thing that they want and people have to take it?? My grandmother is the worst for it, she is cat-spit mean to her kids and gets all wounded when they call her on it (rarely happens). My own Evil Grand Aunt was the same way (see my post on Comebacks That Never Were in the Coffee Break folder) and working with the public all these years I've seen it a million times. They say something Godawful and then if you respond you have no respect for your elders and they go insane on you.
I call it Adorable Old Lady/Man Syndrome. Anyone got any examples? Or know what I'm talking (read whining) about?

Auntie Venom, this thread offends me.  Rude behavior runs through all age groups and people who are rude at 30 will likely be the same way at 65.  Please, lets not bash older people just for the sake of starting a thread.  If you, personally, have a specific thing that is troubling you and involves a person who happens to be of that age that is one thing, but what is the point of holding up an entire group of people as targets?  This is no different than attacking people of another color, or ethnic or nationality. 

I think that Auntie V isn't trying to pick on the elderly. She cites a specific kind of behavior that is rude and then uses thier advanced age as the excuse for being rude. I really don't think that she meant all, or even most seniors.

I happen to know what she means since my FIL is that way to a T. I refuse to tolerate it any more.

On the other hand, I knew an old lady many years ago who had suffered a stroke. The only part of the brain that it destroyed was the part that governed the brain to mouth connection. She lost all tact. One always knew just where they stood with her. You wouldn't even have to ask "Does this outfit make me look fat?" She'd tell you as soon as she laid eyes on you. The best part was that her daughter was a very moody person that could be quite PA. When her daughter was in one of those moods, Lady would look at her daughter and say "Sue, quit being such a d%$m B****!" Nothing could have sounded funnier coming out of the mouth of an 80+ woman  

[Bob Ducca]

I can't speak for anyone else and I realize you were not addressing me but this thread has not been about bashing older people. It has been about the specific kind of rudeness that is unique to the people of older generations. I have seen many threads about rude teenagers, about the kids/parents "these days," and others.

Dealing with rude elderly people is different than dealing with someone of your own age or younger, I believe it deserves to be addressed.

If you have been offended by my post, I am sorry, but I was in no way intending a sweeping generalization and thought I had made that clear.

-Ulla

Well said, Ulla!  (and MsEva, too!)  While I'm sorry if anyone is offended, I have personally encountered MANY older people who will actually say, when called on rude behavior, "Well, I'm just an old woman and I can't keep up with everything..." and expect to get a pass.

If it is age discrimination to address this, then where does it end?  We complain about the behavior of brides all the time- is that sexist?  As noted above, we complain about teenagers and children- is that ageist?  There is a line, but I don't think this topic crosses it.

As far as dealing with the rude behavior of older people, I tend to turn on Super-Syrupy-Sweet-Polite-Southern-Gal and behave as though I am completely ignorant of anything they are talking about.  Answer in monosyllables, let them talk, then leave as soon as you can.  I get physically ill at the thought of being perceived as rude by an older person, but that's my (big) problem...

[Bijou]

This is to all who have responded to my post. 
I stand by my opinion of this thread, and will not be reading it further, nor participating in it.   

[Ulla dances in a silly way]

This is to all who have responded to my post. 
I stand by my opinion of this thread, and will not be reading it further, nor participating in it.   

Well, kudos to you for standing by your morals but there's no sense in stirring up the silt if you aren't going to be around to see the water clear again.

-Ulla

[Rei-chan]

Having read the entire thread, I see nothing offensive here, IMO.

As someone else said, we talk about rudeness of all kinds of people, and there are rude older people too.  Auntie V mentioned as well that she was not referring to those that cannot help what they say or do because of a medical problem.  I believe she also mentioned certain people in her own life that were like this, therefore stating her own personal experience with this issue.

Not agreeing with a perspective in a topic is just fine, but shouldn't it be left to the moderators whether a topic is inappropriate?  I have seen no such reaction so far....

Just my 2 cents......I apologize for bouncing OT, but felt the need to comment.   

[Clara Bow]

I'm a bit offended by that comment to tell you the truth. I was in no way bashing anyone, I pointed out that there are people who believe that because they have reached a certain age they can say whatever they please. No different from commentary on brides who think they can behave however they want etc.
One has to deal with the elderly differently than others out of respect for their age, but how much is too much. That's all I'm saying. No I am not bashing a group of people just to start a thread. If I wanted to "just start a thread" I would go over to the Coffee Break folder and ask what people's favorite color was.

[MsEva]

I'm a bit offended by that comment to tell you the truth. I was in no way bashing anyone, I pointed out that there are people who believe that because they have reached a certain age they can say whatever they please. No different from commentary on brides who think they can behave however they want etc.
One has to deal with the elderly differently than others out of respect for their age, but how much is too much. That's all I'm saying. No I am not bashing a group of people just to start a thread. If I wanted to "just start a thread" I would go over to the Coffee Break folder and ask what people's favorite color was.

green 

[Clara Bow]

You're incorrigible.
Green and red....

[madmusician]

The rest of us support you, Auntie V.

Lime green.

[Bob Ducca]

I've been up all night stewing about that first "offended" comment...so I'll say my say.

If someone says, "All ______ are rude," that is offensive.  BUT, if someone says, "This person, who happens to be _______, uses his/her __________-ness as an excuse for rude or inappropriate behavior," THAT is a legitimate topic for discussion.  How one deals with people is the purpose of etiquette, and the reason we have this forum.  This thread definitely falls into the latter category, in my own humble insignificant O.  I definitely did not consider the original post to be offensive; the thread is a legitimate topic for discussion.

Purple.  Nanny nanny boo boo.   

Edited for clarity

[behindbj]

I support you as well, Auntie Venom.

It seems we get this complaint every time there is a "protected" group under discussion.

For example, I am fat.  Not big-boned, not chubby, not pleasantly plump - fat (I will accept Reubenesque).

There have been threads on these boards regarding behavior by fat individuals that was, is and forever shall be rude.  Example:  When sitting on a plane, automatically folding up the armrest so they can bleed into the sear next to them (because they need more room).  When it's put back down, they get nasty and say that they need the extra room because they're fat.  Sorry - not my problem.  Another issue with some fat people is that they are not aware of or do not take into consideration how much extra room we take up.  This is not rude in itself, but can lead to rude and inconsiderate behavior.  It's just something that needs to be taken into consideration.

Both of those are fine.

An example of an unacceptable mention of fatness was the thread in which a man was at the counter at a McD's arguing about a food product.  The rudeness was to be found in his actions and words.  The OP decided that it was important that everyone knew he was fat.  That's not important for that discussion.

I don't need to be protected from meanness.  I'm 37 years old and more than capable of speaking up for myself.  Fat people can be rude in fat ways (hope that makes sense).  These ways, though particular to fat people, are legitimate topics of discussion.  My fatness in general is not.

Just like the fact that the old people discussed in this thread are not being called rude simply because they are old, but because they are trying to use the fact that they are old as an excuse.

Oh, and - scarlet. 

behindbj

[Clara Bow]

I too am....a big ol' fat girl. And you've just CRUSHED me!!!! WAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!
Tee-hee. Did I mention I am obnoxious too??
There are people of all stripe who are rude. And I don't think that you should be able to hold up your "protected" status (fat, thin, old, impaired etc) as a reason to be a jerk. If you are so mentally diseased that you cannot help yourself, I do not fault you (as I said). My husband has insulin dependent diabetes and has pulled some STUNTS when his sugar is low, and said some hateful things. Do I fault him? For heaven's sakes NO!! He cannot help himself!!
Thank you too all who support me. I just chalk it up to the fact that when you deal with a lot of people on a forum you can't please everyone. Some people offend easier than others.

[Ulla dances in a silly way]

There's not much I can add without bringing up people who have no argument but have lots of opinions they are unwilling to discuss or defend and that would be downright mean....

So... Red and black.

edited because I forgot to reread my post.