Author Topic: Funeral: How Not To Deliver Bad News !!!!!!!!!!!  (Read 57850 times)

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IndianInlaw

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Re: Funeral: How Not To Deliver Bad News !!!!!!!!!!!
« Reply #60 on: January 29, 2008, 01:16:19 PM »
Earlier this year, my son took his cat to the vet.  Some people were in the waiting room with their dog.  Not having a lot of social skills, he said "Is he contagious?".

Later, he found out they were there to have their dog put to sleep.

He apologized profusely and feels bad about it to this day.

drebay

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Re: Funeral: How Not To Deliver Bad News !!!!!!!!!!!
« Reply #61 on: January 29, 2008, 01:30:42 PM »
Lots of backstory to this....Will explain later.  But, when MIL passed, DH called Aunt, and simply said to her "Mom's dead...Happy now?", and hung up the phone.

Paper Roses

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Re: Funeral: How Not To Deliver Bad News !!!!!!!!!!!
« Reply #62 on: January 29, 2008, 05:41:22 PM »
Lots of backstory to this....Will explain later.  But, when MIL passed, DH called Aunt, and simply said to her "Mom's dead...Happy now?", and hung up the phone.

I'm so sorry - please don't be offended - but that made me laugh.  Probably only because I can totally see it happening in my family. 
No, you can't, because you wishpishabonnyfish.

drebay

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Re: Funeral: How Not To Deliver Bad News !!!!!!!!!!!
« Reply #63 on: January 29, 2008, 05:49:00 PM »
Don't worry, I am not offended.  It was a long time ago., and I understood why it was said.

Lauren

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Re: Funeral: How Not To Deliver Bad News !!!!!!!!!!!
« Reply #64 on: April 25, 2011, 08:04:43 AM »
Know it's a bit old, but I've had some doozies in my life!

Co-worker was killed on the way to work in a car accident. Someone I was really close to. I found out by being called by my boss saying 'She's been killed, you need to cover her shift' Couldn't understand why he had so much trouble covering that shift.

I changed softball clubs this year, but had been in the same club for four years previously and was still very, very close with my team and my coach. When I went to a game was handed some black tape and told 'OldCoach died, we have to put this on for the old bugger' I didn't play that game.

This one thankfully didn't involve a death, but my dad had a biopsy when I was 21. he was told if he felt sick, go to the hospital (septicaemia) He refused and I kept trying to get him up and walking and finally my mum came and took him to hospital but said he'd be fine. I then couldn't contact my mother for the rest of the day, so was understandbly getting worried. About 8pm I hear the front door open and walk out only to see my grandfather and uncle, with both obviously having been crying. I went straight to the worst assumption and lost it on the living room floor. Thankfully he wasn't dead, but my brother and I needed to get to the hospital NOW and my mum didn't think anyone could call us with a straight voice and manage to convey it with me being in a condition to drive. (he was OK. It was a horrific week, as he not only had sceptecimia, but then had a reaction to the drugs and kept slipping in and out of a coma. Added to this, he just wanted to go home and could NOT understand how sick he was. Once he was better, to top it all off, he did end up having cancer so we then had to go through all that pain too)

To top that one off, estranged friends were the only ones told (as my father was convinced the husband, who he had been best man for would want to know. Never turned up.) outside family during that week. By the Saturday the crisis had passed, so my mum encourged me to go to softball. When I arrived heard a scream and a friend come running over demanding to know what was going on. Apparently her and her husband had run into estranged friends at the shops earlier that day. Heard all about their future trip to Europe and everything. Finished the conversation with 'Oh, Lauren'sMum called us, LaurensDad is in ICU and not expected to live past Wednesday' Of course, they couldn't contact anyone in my family (very close family friends, so had phone numbers for parents, myself and grandparents. None of us had charged phones at that point and no-one was home to answer landlines) before seeing me, so were fully expecting to hear that my father had died. That incident led to everyone accepting that estranged friends just simply didn't care anymore. (the sad side to that story is when estranged wife died, all their friends had been pushed away, so he had no support outside family left. He rang the mutual friends and told them not to tell my parents, which is a horrible position to put anyone in. They ended up breaking that, but my parents weren't going to intrude. He did call grandparents and tell them and asked if they'd think my parents would go. Their response was 'if you want them there, nothing will stop them from going' I think my dad, at the least, hoped it would bring the friendship back, but he choose not to)

mrs_deb

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Re: Funeral: How Not To Deliver Bad News !!!!!!!!!!!
« Reply #65 on: April 25, 2011, 09:46:58 AM »
I was doing the grocery shopping in January of 2001; my cell phone rang as I was unloading the cart.  It was my sister.  "Hi, it's me.  The nursing home called - Mummy died."

 ???

I love my sister, but there is so much terrible behaviour from her before and after this event that sometimes I wonder WHY!!

Sharnita

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Re: Funeral: How Not To Deliver Bad News !!!!!!!!!!!
« Reply #66 on: April 25, 2011, 04:09:38 PM »
My mom was good when she told me my grandmother died.  I was teaching and she knew they'd be taking grandma's body for cremation right away so if I wanted to see her one more time waiting until after work was out.  SHe didn't want me finding out in front of my class so she called the main office, explained, they had a teacher cover my class while another teacher told me I was wanted in the office.  The principal told me I had a call and that I could take it in her office.  I thought it might be my grandpa who had been in the hospital so the shock of finding out it was Grandma rocked me.  I was not all that tight with my principal but I sobbed all over that 6 foot woman. 

She told me she'd drive me home, took me to my room which the covering teacher had emptied into another available classroom.  I left my car keys with friends who promised to drop my car off later that evening and the principal took me to my mom's.  When my car was dropped off the front seat was full of cards the kids had made for me.  Everyone was very sweet and handled it sensitively - even kids who normally tested me on a daily basis.

It was nice to see everyone rise to the occassion

violinp

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Re: Funeral: How Not To Deliver Bad News !!!!!!!!!!!
« Reply #67 on: April 25, 2011, 04:46:20 PM »
Well, I've never had bad news delivered badly, but it's really come at horrible times.

My paternal grandpa died the day before a maternal uncle's wedding - Sis and I were singing in the wedding. My parents decided to wait until the day AFTER grandpa died to tell us. Why?

Mom: "So [we] wouldn't cry and ruin Uncle's funeral." Yes, that's the explanation my mom gave me. Honest, my mom is a wonderful person, but sometimes she says things that, well...aren't exactly the best thing to say at the moment.

***

Paternal grandma died the Tuesday after Spring Break, but she wasn't found until Thursday night. Around 11 on Thursday night, just as I was gonna go to bed, I get a call from Mom telling me Grandma had died. No real preamble, no nothing. Just, "I'm sorry to have to tell you this, but Grandma's dead."

I was so shocked that I asked my mom if she was joking. After she told me she wasn't, there was a very uncomfortable silence while I tried not to cry. Finally, I had to tell Mom that I loved her, but I had to get off the phone. I spent most of the night bawling and screaming.

Then, they planned the funeral for Saturday, the day before my birthday. I think it's pretty safe to say that birthday was the worst birthday I've ever had. :'( Everyone tried to be happy and give me a nice birthday dinner, but I was trying so hard not to bawl my eyes out.

***
6 months after Grandma died, I got an email from my parents telling me maternal grandpa had had to be hospitalized for heart trouble, but he was back home now. I was just told "in case it comes up in conversation." I started crying so hard, thinking my grandpa was going to die, like maternal grandma - I'd been told PG was in hospital, but was home now and fine 5 days before I found out about her death - that it took a professor I go to church with to calm me down.

I'm still pretty angry sometimes at my folks for that. Did I not even deserve a phone call? Especially since I had just lost a grandparent 6 months ago, that kind of casualness shocked me.
"It takes a great deal of courage to stand up to your enemies, but even more to stand up to your friends" - Harry Potter


loopyluna

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Re: Funeral: How Not To Deliver Bad News !!!!!!!!!!!
« Reply #68 on: April 25, 2011, 08:52:13 PM »
For some reason my parents never to think to actually tell me when someone has died. They always just wait until the next time I call/email.

The day after my grandmother passed away, I called my mom for, of all things, credit card advice. I was really confused when they both answered (on the bluetooth in my mom's car). I figure they're going to visit my brother. After we chat for a few minutes, one of them tacks on, "Oh by the way, we're driving down to [Mom's hometown] for your grandmother's funeral." .......What? "She died yesterday." I knew she was sick, but I had no idea she was that sick. I had to hang up; I was trapped in a very public place, bawling, with nowhere to hide.

We lost my dad's aunt on Saturday. I found out this morning when my dad replied to an email I sent with "PS Lucy died Saturday night. We figured it was her way of celebrating Easter." Again--completely out of left field. I still haven't responded, because I honestly don't know how to. Lucy was inspirational to me, and to find out as a postscript to an email? Didn't even mention what happened, just "she died." I get what he was trying to say about Easter, but it really isn't making things better right now.

Sharnita

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Re: Funeral: How Not To Deliver Bad News !!!!!!!!!!!
« Reply #69 on: April 26, 2011, 05:53:13 AM »
I sometimes don't get told about more distant relatives/aquaintances but I think that is because with 4 kids my mom sometimes forget who she told and who still needs to be told.

allimac

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Re: Funeral: How Not To Deliver Bad News !!!!!!!!!!!
« Reply #70 on: April 26, 2011, 06:51:45 AM »
I could easily be the subject of a post about delivering bad news poorly or at the wrong time.

A number of years ago I was home from uni for the summer, temping in my hometown.
My parents were abroad with my paternal uncle and his wife and due to come back home two days later. Then the phone rang. It was my cousin M, informing me that her grandmother (my maternal uncle's MIL) E had died very suddenly. We have always been a close-knit family and E was very close to us all albeit perhaps closer to me than my parents and brother as M also is one of my closest friends.
So what should I do? Disturb my parents on their vacation and inform them that E was dead? They would not appreciate being disturbed. Or tell them two days later when they were home again? They would not be pleased that I hadn't called them. Whatever I chose I knew I would get reamed out for my decision. That's why I did what I wanted to. I called. And got screamed at ::).

yankeefan2017

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Re: Funeral: How Not To Deliver Bad News !!!!!!!!!!!
« Reply #71 on: April 26, 2011, 09:40:07 AM »
I am so sorry for everyone's losses.

((((((((((((FORUM)))))))))))))


lipli

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Re: Funeral: How Not To Deliver Bad News !!!!!!!!!!!
« Reply #72 on: April 26, 2011, 04:19:40 PM »
Mine is odd.  My birthday is in early May so it is usually around Mother's day.  I would usually have a friend's party the weekend closest to the actual day.

My maternal grandmother had been sick for years.  I had my slumber party (I think 15th birthday) and we were getting ready to go (end of the party). My dad pulls me into a room and tells me she died (Saturday morning) and then sends me back to my friends for the last couple hours of the party.  My stepmother was aghast at what he did (she told me so later). 

What makes it odd instead of what was he thinking is that in the years since my mother always says she died on Sunday morning (Mother's day).  So either I forgot which day I had my party or they forgot which day she died.  Either way, Dad blew it. 

hannahmollysmom

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Re: Funeral: How Not To Deliver Bad News !!!!!!!!!!!
« Reply #73 on: April 26, 2011, 11:34:31 PM »
This was many years ago, but early one morning, I got a call from my grandmother saying my grandfather had a heart attack. (At the time he was in a nursing home with Alzheimers and diabetes.) I asked my grandmother if she wanted me to come up (3 hrs away) and she said no, she would let me know when she needed me.

We already had plans that day for a party/bbq to celebrate something (don't remember now) so continued with our plans. During the party, my Uncle called. He informed me of the funeral plans for my Grandfather. I was in shock as my Grandmother had neglected to tell me he had passed away. Unfortunetly, my way of dealing with severe stress is to laugh and that is what I did, although very embarassed afterwards.

I still can't believe she forgot the important detail to tell me. Maybe her mind wouldn't let her say it? She has since passed also, as well as both of my parents, but this one remains in my memory as the most confused notification ever.

GoldenGemini

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Re: Funeral: How Not To Deliver Bad News !!!!!!!!!!!
« Reply #74 on: April 27, 2011, 12:55:32 AM »
My mother is bad for this.  She sends me text messages, "Gavin died", "Shane is dead", etc.

I'm never sure of when I will open up my text and BOOM! another dead person.  :(


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