Funeral: How Not To Deliver Bad News !!!!!!!!!!!

[MeanMom]

First year of college home for Christmas break.  My brother is in a motorcycle accident with a friend.  My mother gets the call from the hospital and has her typical reaction to an emergency, screaming hysterics.  I drive to the hospital to pick up my brother with my then boyfriend.  I go to the ER and ask about the boys in the motorcycle accident, the perky nurse on duty (didn't look to be much older than I was at the time) responds with you mean the DOA?  Now I'm doing the traditional family hysterics.   I've about gotten my second wind when around the corner strolls my younger brother, with a cast and several stitches across his eyebrow.  I look at the nurse and ask her if he looks DOA? 

Sometimes you have to wonder what they're thinking. 

MeanMom

[snowflake]

People are bad with death, period.

In High School, one of my old friends started dating a guy who ran with a slightly shady crowd.  You need to realize that I was in the LA area at the time.  So even in the bland, WASPy areas, there was a fascination with the "wangster" type of style.  Friend's boyfriend knew someone who knew someone who was having a wild party and they didn't realize that it was at the house of a gang member.  They only knew that the host was, "Like, really popular."  The rival gang found out about the party and had a drive-by shooting.

This is how we found out.  Another friend's father was a policeman.  He saw us after getting off of work and said, "Did you know that XXXX was shot?"

She had sort of faded out of our group when she started seeing her boyfriend.  We knew he wasn't much good but we had been hoping she'd wise up.  We were all immediately horrified.  "What happened?  How is she?"

"She died.  But hey - it was gang related!"

Yeah!  It was gang related.  Therefore we were supposed to say, "Whatever.  That's what you get for dating an idiot who was trying to be cool. Good riddance."

He couldn't figure out why we were crying when IT WAS GANG RELATED.  What?  She wasn't supplying drugs to us, was she?

[Asharah]

People are bad with death, period.

In High School, one of my old friends started dating a guy who ran with a slightly shady crowd.  You need to realize that I was in the LA area at the time.  So even in the bland, WASPy areas, there was a fascination with the "wangster" type of style.  Friend's boyfriend knew someone who knew someone who was having a wild party and they didn't realize that it was at the house of a gang member.  They only knew that the host was, "Like, really popular."  The rival gang found out about the party and had a drive-by shooting.

This is how we found out.  Another friend's father was a policeman.  He saw us after getting off of work and said, "Did you know that XXXX was shot?"

She had sort of faded out of our group when she started seeing her boyfriend.  We knew he wasn't much good but we had been hoping she'd wise up.  We were all immediately horrified.  "What happened?  How is she?"

"She died.  But hey - it was gang related!"

Yeah!  It was gang related.  Therefore we were supposed to say, "Whatever.  That's what you get for dating an idiot who was trying to be cool. Good riddance."

He couldn't figure out why we were crying when IT WAS GANG RELATED.  What?  She wasn't supplying drugs to us, was she?

IDIOT!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Paper Roses]

I will never understand how people can think certain deaths are justifiable.

A woman in my office died a few years ago from a heart attack.  She was an older woman, one of the sweetest, kindest people you could ever hope to meet.  She had had a heart attack before, and they had done an angioplasty (I think that's what it was) and she was working hard at doing everything they told her to (diet, moderate exercise) to prevent another one.  Well, about a year and a half later, she had just come home from a vacation and had another attack, and this time she didn't make it. 

Another girl and I were at work one day when our supervisor came over and said, "Did you guys hear that XXXXXX died?"  Of course, we were in shock, and asked what happened.  Supervisor said, "She had a heart attack.  But, she had had one before."  As if that somehow made it ok.  Tell that to her two sons, you insensitive twit.

[Paper Roses]

My husband used to work at a place that was run by a bunch of complete jerks - and believe me, I'm being nice. 

One morning, he was working on something when his supervisor walked up to him and asked "Are you familiar with the job XXXX is working on?" to which my husband said he was.  Supervisor said, "Oh, good.  'Cause he's dead, and you need to finish it."

XXXX was a close friend of my husband's.  Stupidvisor knew that - but the extent of his concern was making sure the job got done.  Turned out the poor guy had pneumonia and died in his sleep the night before.  Left a wife and a couple of very young kids.

[amaiaisabella]

My grandmother was having trouble with her pacemaker, and my dad was advised to fly overseas to be with her. He made a flight for a few weeks later, since it wasn't life-threatening, just concerning.

The next morning, he got a call from his sister over there. My grandmother died. Turned out, wasn't the pacemaker. She had advanced stage cancer! Somehow the doctors missed that one. My dad got a flight an hour from then and flew over, but man, the guilt he felt! 

Not bad news, but doctors, do you THINK you might actually pay attention to a patient long enough to see, hey, maybe there might be something ELSE wrong with her, and why she was still having trouble even when the pacemaker was working fine!!!! 

[Clara Bow]

I rarely comment but I felt compelled to on this post. 

When my son died I was holding him in my arms, when the moniters read zero to everything the doctor on duty came in, listened to his heart, said "Finally, he's gone"  I almost died right there.  I started yelling and crying "how dare you say finally, Sweet monkey fritters! do you mean?"  I was so upset I almost needed a shot to calm down. 

That's heartless

This is why I'm becoming a nurse. I would have been helping out with your son, disconnecting the tubes and trying to hold your hand. The doc would have said that. I'd have smiled at you, smoothed your hair, and slapped the living p*ss out of him.

[feistyboysmommy]

I am so sorry for those of you who have had to hear the worst news possible - that your loved one is dead - in such an insensitive way

In 2000-2001 we lost 8 family members in the course of a year, including my FIL, my grandfather, my DH's grandfather, my godfather, and a cousin. Six years later I still can't help feeling dread every time the phone rings. There's a part of me that automatically assumes that the person on the other line is calling to tell me someone has died.

[McCutieBelle]

Hi everyone, I am new here. I cannot imagine losing so many people in such a short time. Within 2 years of eachother I lost 2 close friend of mine and my professor. My 2 friends died suddenly, the one I found out about while watching TV. I had graduated a year before and still had many friends at school that were a year or 2 behind me. Earlier that day my mom had said she heard someone from my school had passed away, but she was a freshman and I probably did not know her. Later I called a friend of mine to see if she heard the story and she said no. I was watching the news and there was a teaser for a story at the 11 o'clock news and there was my friend on the screen singing and then they said she had died that afternon! She was rehearsing and her heart just stopped, she was 20 years old.


A family friend lost 2 sisters, her mother and father within 1 year of each other. It is so painful and I think people really need to watch how they relay the news.

[Mrs. Eclipse]

I am so sorry for those of you who have had to hear the worst news possible - that your loved one is dead - in such an insensitive way

In 2000-2001 we lost 8 family members in the course of a year, including my FIL, my grandfather, my DH's grandfather, my godfather, and a cousin. Six years later I still can't help feeling dread every time the phone rings. There's a part of me that automatically assumes that the person on the other line is calling to tell me someone has died.

I went through that back in 1999 when we lost a lot of relatives, both close and distant, including my father's father who I never got to know, and the dog that had been in the family since four years before I was born.

But I was young then and my parents broke the news to me those times, and they're very tactful people.

[Pat]

My father died when I was 25. We had not been on best terms for the previous 7-8 years, but we were reconnecting slowly after my son's birth earlier that same year. His death was a hard blow. Not only was I very sad, but I am a single child, my parents were divorced and I had to take care of everything, at an age I had no idea how to handle this.

Of course, I told my friends. And one of them replied: "oh, it's not that terrible, is it? you weren't getting along with him anyway..."

So insensitive! I don't know what she was thinking.

[amaiaisabella]

Hi everyone, I am new here.

Welcome!

[T'Mar of Vulcan]

Sorry for bumping an old post, but I just have to say that I cannot believe how insensitive some people are when it comes to someone else's death. Have they no compassion at all for their loved ones??

I was shocked when I returned to work after my mother died and received this piece of 'advice' from the male PE teacher: "Be strong." Yeah, I was planning not to be; in fact, I was thinking of shattering into pieces a la the guy who got zapped by the wires in Cube, you idiot!

Also, another teacher came up and said to me, "Did you enjoy your week-long holiday?" HOLIDAY? I had to arrange a funeral (luckily I had tons of help), pacify my mother's little dog and work out how to live by myself in a house built for six people. You freaking try it! HOLIDAY! I still can't believe she said that.

[Shortcake]

Sorry for bumping an old post, but I just have to say that I cannot believe how insensitive some people are when it comes to someone else's death. Have they no compassion at all for their loved ones??

Also, another teacher came up and said to me, "Did you enjoy your week-long holiday?" HOLIDAY? I had to arrange a funeral (luckily I had tons of help), pacify my mother's little dog and work out how to live by myself in a house built for six people. You freaking try it! HOLIDAY! I still can't believe she said that.

It truly shocks me when I hear things like this! I can not believe people are so insensitive & uncaring! 

[aeeden]

 

but she was a freshman and I probably did not know her. Later I called a friend of mine to see if she heard the story and she said no. I was watching the news and there was a teaser for a story at the 11 o'clock news and there was my friend on the screen singing and then they said she had died that afternon! She was rehearsing and her heart just stopped, she was 20 years old.

CRUD MONKEYS!! this happend to a girl i graduated with. my parents were like.. oh yeah, we heard.. well so? it isn't like you knew her right!?" -knew her, i played soccer with her, was in band with her, and yeah i knew her, we weren't best friends or anything, but she was soo cool. and now 10years later we are planning a reunion, and my heart breaks a little when i see her pic. I am so sorry for you.. truly.