Funeral: How Not To Deliver Bad News !!!!!!!!!!!

[amaiaisabella]

I'm not one to advocate lawsuits, but I really hope you reported that nurse.

[T'Mar of Vulcan]

A friend of mine, Beth's, mother died two weeks ago. At the funeral one of her relatives came up to her and said, "It's a good thing she died, because now your father can get on with his life."    Yes, Beth's mother was sick for a very long time, in a wheelchair, couldn't walk, didn't know who anybody (except her husband) was, etc. It was still a mean, nasty, insensitive thing to say.

[CreteGirl]

In this story, I was the insensitive one.

I was 24 when my Dad died, and my Mom instructed me to call my Grandfather (my Dad's Dad) and tell him.  Since I had no experience in relaying bad news, I bungled it horribly.

I started the conversation by making small talk about the weather, and our recent move to Arizona.  About 5 minutes or so into the conversation, I finally got brave enough to say, "oh, by the way, Dad died".

It did not go over well. 

I have since learned the proper way to convey bad news.

[twinkletoes]

I am so sorry for those of you who have had to hear the worst news possible - that your loved one is dead - in such an insensitive way

In 2000-2001 we lost 8 family members in the course of a year, including my FIL, my grandfather, my DH's grandfather, my godfather, and a cousin. Six years later I still can't help feeling dread every time the phone rings. There's a part of me that automatically assumes that the person on the other line is calling to tell me someone has died.

I had a time in my life where I lost four people within about a year, and I'm right there with you about the phone call.  The worst is when someone calls at an odd hour - I about had a heart attack when my dad called me one morning around 6, and screamed at him when he told me he was calling me to get something-or-other for him. 

[Dixie Darlin]

I posted about my experience with this once already, but will retell the story b/c it applies to this discussion.
I once informed a teacher that I wouldn't be in class because I had to go to a funeral. (I didn't say whose, but it was my grandfather's, whom I was very close to). She didn't say "I'm sorry" or anything to that effect. It hurt my feelings a little. Generally speaking, this teacher and I got along pretty well, although there were things about her that got on my nerves.

[milosparront]

My mother passed away in 2003.  After making the appropriate phone calls to NON immediate family members, my father asked me to call some of his friends.  Short, sweet and to the point, here is the conversation with one " friend" as follows:

me:  Mrs. So-'n-So....  My father wanted me to call you to let you know Mom passed away last night."

Mrs. S-'n-S:  My husband died with his mouth open......  Was her's open??

CRUD MONKEYS! who says things like this??   .......  I simply hung up the phone.   

[mddg4]

This is actually kind of funny in a sad way.
DH and I went to a friends house one night for dinner. Halfway through the evening he looks at me and says "By the way, my dad called, My grandmother kicked the bucket this morning". 

UMMMMMMM. Honey that is not usually the way such news is conveyed.  Granted they were not close at all, but stilll!

Love the DH, need to find a brain to mouth filter replacement. 

[TychaBrahe]

I just found out that my great uncle died last week - my aunt told me online on the day of the funeral.  Thankfully, I didn't know him, so I didn't feel too bad. Such a crappy way to hear about it though.

I had a foster daughter whose mother was diagnosed with cancer.  We knew it was terminal.

Her family called the house about 1:00 am on the day of the funeral to let us know where to go.  She had died three days earlier.

[Calbrini]

GFILs mother was dying and they were at our house when GMILs phone rang. It was one of GFILs relatives who she started talking to then just looked GFILs way and said, "yes, shes dead".  after she had finished on the phone she just continued to pack etc and expected him to be wanting to drive within ten minutes!!! He just wandered out and lit a cigarette while she continued to waffle on to us, mentioning that the deceased wasnt the nicest person she had met and liked to drink.

[asta]

A little OT.  An acquaintance of mine passed away - he was in his mid-20's.  At his viewing, alot of his buddies were in the parking lot, drinking.  It was very sad inside; I went to pay my condolences to the family and was sitting in one of the rows. 

His hockey buddies come in.  Though they were alittle loud, mostly okay.  UNTIL ONE OF HIS BUDDIES BARFED IN THE GUY'S CASKET.  Pandamonium broke loose - it was horrible.  Then, Mr. Barf Buckets was half-passed out and had to be dragged out by the others.  The deceased's father stormed out after the guy, who I'm sure got a few biffs in the parking lot, the mother and other relatives were mostly screaming.

I waited until the father came back in, and made a quiet exit.

[asta]

At my grandfather's funeral, my parents had their born-again, fire & brimstone pastor march in with about 5 deacons.  It was a small service, but "Brother Gray" standing right next to Grandpa's casket, orated that my Grandfather was burning in Hell because he didn't accept Jesus Crist as his personal saviour.  Then, he tried to "save" those of us attending.  I was so disgusted - all my parents said, "well, it was a bit much."

[Twik]

A little OT.  An acquaintance of mine passed away - he was in his mid-20's.  At his viewing, alot of his buddies were in the parking lot, drinking.  It was very sad inside; I went to pay my condolences to the family and was sitting in one of the rows. 

His hockey buddies come in.  Though they were alittle loud, mostly okay.  UNTIL ONE OF HIS BUDDIES BARFED IN THE GUY'S CASKET.  Pandamonium broke loose - it was horrible.  Then, Mr. Barf Buckets was half-passed out and had to be dragged out by the others.  The deceased's father stormed out after the guy, who I'm sure got a few biffs in the parking lot, the mother and other relatives were mostly screaming.

I waited until the father came back in, and made a quiet exit.

OK, that's got to be in the Top Ten Worst Viewings Ever, I'd say.

[asta]

Twik, yes, it was terrible.  I have no idea how the funeral home cleaned everything and my friend up.  I felt so sorry for his family.  Besides, he was their only child, nice guy I knew from high school.

Was at another viewing where little kids were "rocking the casket" by holding onto the ledge of it and trying to "see" inside - the funeral director had them ushered out.

[Twik]

The worst part - I know that it really doesn't matter to the deceased - but I'd be there ranting to the funeral director that "my loved one is NOT spending eternity in a casket that someone threw up in!"

[milosparront]

A little OT.  An acquaintance of mine passed away - he was in his mid-20's.  At his viewing, alot of his buddies were in the parking lot, drinking.  It was very sad inside; I went to pay my condolences to the family and was sitting in one of the rows. 

His hockey buddies come in.  Though they were alittle loud, mostly okay.  UNTIL ONE OF HIS BUDDIES BARFED IN THE GUY'S CASKET.  Pandamonium broke loose - it was horrible.  Then, Mr. Barf Buckets was half-passed out and had to be dragged out by the others.  The deceased's father stormed out after the guy, who I'm sure got a few biffs in the parking lot, the mother and other relatives were mostly screaming.

I waited until the father came back in, and made a quiet exit.