My friend, straight out said, dump them. Startled I asked him to repeat himself. He said, dump them, you're lives are completely different now and they won't want to do anything but deal with the baby, they won't be able to go out and they'll talk about nothing but the baby. I have to admit I laughed, but it was also kind of true.
It is true. I wouldn't go so far as to say "dump them" but in a way it happens anyway. I've been through it with friends when they had a baby. It's a different form of GU (geographically undesirable.) No matter how much both parties might want to keep up the friendship, you are now living in different worlds. I've had long breaks from good friends when they were in the newborn stage, and eased back into the friendship in a slow and limited way as the kid grows up, but the truth is- you're now living in different worlds.
Until the child achieves some level of autonomy, or the parent can find ways to spend friend time without the kid there or crying in the background the whole time, there's just not a whole lot that you can really share. To the parent, the new baby is the most fascinating thing in the world. As it should be. But to everyone else- not so much. A limited dose of "yes isn't it adorable" is ok but long talks about anything other than diapers, sleeping habits, and various baby illnesses, are something that will only be regained after the child begins to grow up.
Some parents allow the stage where nothing is important but the Baybee to go on far too long, and it doesn't matter how old the child gets. The parent will never again have time to give serious attention to anything else. You never can tell, so don't write it off completely. My closest friend took years to get to the stage where she could talk about anything other than His Wonderfulness, so I kept in touch via short perfunctory *phone calls and even shorter visits. The day she woke up and decided she wanted an adult life again, we were able to reconnect. Still in a limited way, sure, but at least she began to be interested again in something other than what came out of her birth canal.
I wouldn't say 'dump them', more like, don't expect much for quite some time. Develop other friendships. Little as I care for babies and young kids, I can't resent someone for making their child their priority. If they won't, why did they bother to have one? It's only when it goes on forever that I take exception to. It's sad to realize some people only used to pretend to be interested and interesting but they were really just waiting for something to subjugate themselves to and tick off the the List (had baby...check. Lost all interest in anything outside family... check.)
*Do not attempt to MAKE the phone call with parents of young ones. Insist that they initiate them at a time when the kids aren't screaming in the background. If they try to talk despite ear piercing shrieks and countless interruptions, you are allowed to say "clearly this isn't a good time for you, we'll talk later" and go off to thank your lucky stars you still have the ability to recognize "this isn't a real conversation" even if they don't.
