Please keep your kids away from me

[Venus193]

I'm still a little confused about what I should have said/done about the Mom who WATCHED her child go into my purse, take out my keys, and then hid the keys from me, claiming he had "lost" them.   

I don't think you need have worried about a reproach from Miss Demeanor over calling a parent's attention to the fact that this child was stealing your keys and then lying about it.  If this ever happens again don't hesitate for a second to stop the child if you catch him in the act and take the mother aside to bring her attention to this.

Of course, this mother will be paid back later when this kid steals from her purse.

[Pixie]

I do not care if she was a guest or not, you had a right to ask her to find your keys.   After all, it was her child that hid them and she was the one responsible for her child's behavior.  This woman is extremely lucky that her child did not steal a prescription medication that you needed to take on schedule or pepperspray in your purse.

I did ask her what she would have done had he pulled out a "female product" or something dangerous from my purse. She replied that I shouldn't have those items in my purse.  Then I left the party.   I didn't want to ruin my niece's party, and I was just too angry to be rational just then, I needed to walk away and calm down.   That was 3 years ago, and I still have no idea what would have been a polite way of dealing with it.

[Venus193]

Safety trumps politeness if that's the case.

[sammycat]

This thread is very timely as I had an incident last night that made me want to go screaming for the hills.

I took my 2 children (10 and 6) out to Sizzler for dinner as DH was away.  A few minutes later a couple came in with their toddler son and were seated a few tables away from us. I had my back to them but could hear this kid screaming and grizzling non-stop at the top of his lungs.  I had seen these people in the car park and the kid was screaming then.  I tried to ignore it for the first 10 minutes then kept turning to glare at the table.  I don't think either parent saw me unfortunately, nor did I see them make any effort to control this tantrum.  They seemed to be just letting him scream it out. 

Eventually one parent took the brat outside, but then they were back    And it started all over again.  I did notice that the kid had a cochlear implant device thing on the back of his head, but that is no excuse for these so called parents to not either (a) permanently remove him from the restaurant, or (b) not enter the restaurant when the kid was already screaming in the car park.  If he was in pain from his cochlear implant (or anything else) then they should have responded to his needs and not brought him out to such a public place.

I was going to ask the server whether there was a restaurant policy regarding asking diners to consider other patrons but the staff were so busy I couldn't find an appropriate moment to ask them.

[ehartsay]

I do not care if she was a guest or not, you had a right to ask her to find your keys.   After all, it was her child that hid them and she was the one responsible for her child's behavior.  This woman is extremely lucky that her child did not steal a prescription medication that you needed to take on schedule or pepperspray in your purse.

I did ask her what she would have done had he pulled out a "female product" or something dangerous from my purse. She replied that I shouldn't have those items in my purse.  Then I left the party.   I didn't want to ruin my niece's party, and I was just too angry to be rational just then, I needed to walk away and calm down.   That was 3 years ago, and I still have no idea what would have been a polite way of dealing with it.

At that point I would have told her that it was NOT my job to childproof MY OWN PURSE just because she had decided to train her child into a little felon.

[Ciarrai]

I did ask her what she would have done had he pulled out a "female product" or something dangerous from my purse. She replied that I shouldn't have those items in my purse.

Er, then where are you supposed to put your female products? It's not like you can stick them in your pocket or go without them for a few hours.

[Scritzy]

I did ask her what she would have done had he pulled out a "female product" or something dangerous from my purse. She replied that I shouldn't have those items in my purse.  Then I left the party.

Okay, you're not supposed to be able to choose what you carry in your own purse?

I'm seriously boggled.  

[supernova]

I did ask her what she would have done had he pulled out a "female product" or something dangerous from my purse. She replied that I shouldn't have those items in my purse.  Then I left the party.   I didn't want to ruin my niece's party, and I was just too angry to be rational just then, I needed to walk away and calm down.   That was 3 years ago, and I still have no idea what would have been a polite way of dealing with it.

Perhaps she was a friend of "Crazy Aunt Babes" (from the Classic Posts thread of the same name) and just assumed you'd be wearing your feminine products as jewelry? 

Seriously...  who gets to tell you what you can have in your purse?  That's utterly ridiculous.

Five bucks says the boy will be in juvie for shoplifting within ten years...  and the mother will be screaming, "But he's just a chiiiild!"   

     - saphie

[Sharnita]

Great topic. I enjoy kids. I hope to have some of my own some day.

That having been said, I work with kids all day. I have somewhere between 100-160 kids pass through my classroom every day (it depends on the year). It intercact with at least 50-100 more in the halls every day. On my own time, I do want a little break. I don't mind being around kids in public if they're well behaved but when they start tallking back, when they start arguing, wrestling, etc. it is horribly obnoxious.

I rarely speak to them - though sometimes if they are being evil I might give the stink eye.

[T'Mar of Vulcan]

That having been said, I work with kids all day. ... On my own time, I do want a little break.

Me too. When I was in Standard 3 (5th grade), our Maths teacher wrote a list of "you know you're a teacher when..." for the school magazine and I've never forgotten it. One of the points was:
It doesn't matter where you're going on your off-time as long as there aren't any kids around.

Mr Soma, wherever you are, I want to say: NO $HIT!!

I have reprimanded kids who've bothered me. I frankly don't care if their parents don't like it - if they were better parents their kids wouldn't be running around misbehaving.

Once I was at Pizza Hut with some friends and these kids (about 5/6 years old) were running up and down up and down between the booths, no parents in sight. I finally snapped and in my 'teacher voice' said, "STOP that IMMEDIATELY and go SIT DOWN before I do something DRASTIC." (Like call the manager, but of course I left that part out.) They got these huge eyes and disappeared for the rest of the time we were there. My friends said, "Wow, we've never heard your teacher voice before. I'd be good!!"

I never go to Pizza Hut anymore, or Spur. Too many kids around. I'll stick to fancy restaurants where you either don't find kids or you only find well-behaved kids.

[jaxsue]

I have two teenage boys, so I know how kids are, but I had high standards for their behavior in public (even my autistic son).

From what I see on a daily basis, one of my pet peeves is when parents/adults think it's so cute to have "junior" push a shopping cart. Junior might not be able to see over the handle, but I suppose mom/dad thinks he/she is helping. So, junior's weaving all over the store aisle, blocking it, or even racing up and down the aisle and the parents are clueless. Those are stupid parents.

This thread also reminded me of why I stopped inviting a certain family over. They had three kids around my boys' ages (lower elementary at the time). The first thing their kids did upon entering my home was to jump on the sofa! This mom and dad's style of discipline was to plead with the kids - god forbid you hurt their little egos! It didn't help that all 3 kids were strong-willed.

The funniest - and most pathetic - display of this family's discipline (or lack thereof) was when we were at a farm. The daughter, who was about 5 at the time, went into the cow pasture. Cows are generally harmless, but they are big, so DD stands there, bothering the cows, and mom and dad are pleading with her to come out of the pasture. They didn't go in after her. She ignored them and they eventually got tired of pleading with her. The kids are teenagers now, and I wonder how they turned out. Not good, I'm guessing.

[Pixie]

I did ask her what she would have done had he pulled out a "female product" or something dangerous from my purse. She replied that I shouldn't have those items in my purse.  Then I left the party.

Okay, you're not supposed to be able to choose what you carry in your own purse?

I'm seriously boggled. 

Which was why I left. I was so angry, I knew whatever I would have said would have been rude.  However I did have visions of keeping a mouse trap in my purse for a while....

[NOVA Lady]

I've never had a child draw on anyone, and I'm usually pretty in my child's face about discipline. So, it's unlikely, but not impossible, that he might act out even when I'm right there.     

But, just because something is bothering you, it does not necessarily mean that it is something I should be disciplining or something the child should "cut out."  Maybe it is (about to use a marker on someone), and maybe it isn't (looking.)  When the parent is right there, it is inappropriate to be intervening unless you or he is in danger and the parent is incapable of reacting to the need.

It's a parent job to discipline their child, and when strangers do it for them they both let the parent off the hook and potentially intervene inappropriately with the child.

I am jumping in on this late. Sorry for that. Normally I don't say boo to a misbehaving kid who has a parent right there *if the parent is disiplining them or controling them* if they parent just allows the child is annoy me and decides I am part of the "village" that must just tolerate the child then I can and will say whatever I please.

I have no sympathy for parents who don't control their children and allow them to aggrivate others. Also, just because a parent doesn't feel something is wrong doesn't mean the people around the child who have to deal with it aren't annoyed by it. I know parents who don't think they need to disipline a child to touches people around them, but I don't want to be touched by strangers. So even though the parent wouldn't displine for their child grabbing my shirt of touching my parents I would tell them in no uncertain terms to stop. If the parent took issue with it I would let them know it would not have been necessary if they were controlling their child.

That wasn't directed towards you, I simply disagree that people should never speak to a child if they are doing something obnoxious if there is a parent there...some parents are pretty worthless for controlling their kids. (Not you!!!!!)

[NOVA Lady]

And I will correct people who do it if there is a situation that I am able to handle....people may or may not like it.    But, adults are not exempt from proper behavior, either.

Well if a parent is already handling a situation then there is no reason for a stranger to speak up. But if little hellion is run amok near me and the parent is blabbing away on a cell or otherwise ignoring it I will tell the child to stop. Like I said earlier, not ALL parents are good parents. Good parents usually act fast enough when their children are misbehaving that no one will need to reprimand their children.

[ccnumber4]

When I am teaching private lessons in my home, I tell parents they are welcome to stay or go, whichever they are more comfortable with.  I am pretty laid back and welcome parent participation, unless it is disruptive to the student, or the student requests that they not be present.  Siblings are also welcome to stay as long as they have brought something to occupy themselves with or can sit quietly and listen.  The vast majority do very well.  However, if I have a situation where a parent and sibling are sitting in on a lesson and the child is being disruptive, I do not bother speaking to the parent, I tell the child to be quiet or leave.  I figure the parent is seeing/hearing the same thing I am, and if they don't speak up before me, then too bad.  I am happy to say, "Thanks for coming, Johnny, you and Mommy have to go outside now."  This is definately a different situation than some of the others that have been posted.  In this case, this is my home as well as my business.  If your child is so disruptive that I cannot effectively teach your other child and you are not handling the situation, then I most definately will.