Author Topic: Avoiding interrupting roommate?  (Read 4445 times)

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Gyro Widget

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Re: Avoiding interrupting roommate?
« Reply #15 on: December 08, 2006, 08:13:48 AM »
"How do people who share a single dorm room manage?  I know I wouldn't be comfortable being in a room with someone having sex in the bed beside me, and would also resent being kicked out of my room for long periods, but the roommate has a life too, and not many other options"

Most people that I know move out of the dorms after one year of it if they are forced to share a room.  One of my friends awoke one night to his roomie and the resident floozy entertaining each other just a couple feet away from him.  He told me that he just got up and left instead of asking them to quit.  If it were me, I would have screamed so hard that the RA's would be there in a second. 

Athos_000

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Re: Avoiding interrupting roommate?
« Reply #16 on: December 08, 2006, 10:23:41 AM »
Blech... this situation is disgusting. Having sex in a room that is occupied with non-involved persons is the ultimate in roomate disrespect. I would really have a talk with Allison, there is no reason this should be going on. The BF has an apartment (even if he doen't like being there), so presumably he has a bed of his own that they could be using when his roomates aren't around.
 


Clara Bow

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Re: Avoiding interrupting roommate?
« Reply #17 on: December 08, 2006, 11:28:49 AM »
I have a problem with her boyfriend living with you. You're paying the bills, and he's mooching. Not cool. Also, are they out there getting freaky with your other roommate in the room  :o. That's just nasty! I think I would tell her that I need the bedroom to use my computer and we all need to be able to navigate the living room without seeing live action porn. They either need to do the do while you guys are not home, or at more convienient times. And boyfriend doesn't need to be there 24-7. That is not appropriate, and it robs you of your privacy.
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Twik

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Re: Avoiding interrupting roommate?
« Reply #18 on: December 08, 2006, 11:44:05 AM »
I believe that one of Miss Manner's correspondents had a daughter in the same general position. She recommended to her daughter whenever she awoke to find nocturnal activities underway, the daughter arise, turn on all the lights, and start vacuuming, on the grounds that if she couldn't sleep in the room she was paying for, she might as well get something useful accomplished.
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ShadesOfGrey

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Re: Avoiding interrupting roommate?
« Reply #19 on: December 08, 2006, 11:49:14 AM »
I believe that one of Miss Manner's correspondents had a daughter in the same general position. She recommended to her daughter whenever she awoke to find nocturnal activities underway, the daughter arise, turn on all the lights, and start vacuuming, on the grounds that if she couldn't sleep in the room she was paying for, she might as well get something useful accomplished.

HA! That's great! I love it.  Dont know if I'd have the chutzpah to do it, but I hope someone does!
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Olivia

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Re: Avoiding interrupting roommate?
« Reply #20 on: December 08, 2006, 12:20:55 PM »
From your update, I get the impression that they actually get off on doing it when you are there.  It would be one thing if they were in another room at least trying to be quiet.  But if they are being extra noisy, it makes it seem like having an audience may be part of the excitement for them. 

I think that you should be blunt with your roommate.  "I get really embarassed and uncomfortable when you are having sex in the room when I'm here or when you're having loud sex in the living room.  Yes, I may be asleep when you start, but it wakes me up.  This is awkward for me, but I just wanted you to know that you need to be more considerate.  That means NO sex when I'm in the room (gross) and keep it down when you're in the other room." 

You could possibly meet her halfway by making yourself scarce every now and then, whether it's going out with friends or just studying at the library or the common area of your building in the evenings. 

RuneGuardian

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Re: Avoiding interrupting roommate?
« Reply #21 on: December 08, 2006, 01:35:39 PM »
annette: As much as it disgusts me to have awakened to those two more than once, my ex-roommate has sadly achieved worse. She and some guy she just met started getting it on in her room. Okay, fine...except the only thing separating them from the living room was a thin curtain. My friend and I also ahppened to be in the apartment, in the living room, wide awake, and trying to have a conversation. Ex-Roomie was trying to be quiet, I could tell...but it's very hard to be discreet about that. I was just floored by her lack of shame, but whatever. That's why her bed was in the living room and mine was in teh bedroom behind a closed door.

Auntie Venom: I agree...especially when said BF has walked in on me twice in the bedroom while I was getting dressed. I know he's used to me saying 'come in - it's safe', but that doesn't mean I was not embarrassed to be seen without a shirt on. I've had my roomies do the same, but I feel slightly less embarrassed about that because we're all girls. I realize it was an accident, but still...I could do without the risk of being seen hiking my jeans up by my roommate's boyfriend. I know they usually do not have a problem making out when I'm in the room on my computer. I usually stick my headphones on to drown out any smoochy noises, but that doesn't work now considering I've lost my headphones. They (or rather BF) probably knows I will pay them little heed, so they go about doing it. Honestly, I can get over the making out five feet away from me because that means they'll have to listen to my music (which I know they probably dislike)...but having sex in the bed three feet away from mine when I'm in my bed just makes me uncomfortable.

Also, as far as I know, they do not get freaky when my other roommate is out there. As said, for a long period of time my other roomie stayed with one of her friends...meaning the living room was free range. I have not yet awakened to them doing the orizontal jog while the other roommate was in her room, but I could be mistaken. The sad part is, because Other Roommate has been sleeping on the couch recently, Allison and BF will most likely be coming back into the bedroom at night. Joyness.

Twik: Hahaha, that's pretty good. I think we do actually have a vacuum in the closet in the bedroom. Oh the schadenfreude would be delicious if I were to begin vacuuming, singing loudly, jumping on my bed, or any other ridiculous things during their escapades.  :)

Olivia: I also got the impression that perhaps these two feel an added thrill when they know someone can possibly see or hear them. As said, though...I really don't think it's Allison's decision. Her BF seems a bit pushy when it comes to the romance at times, so I assume it's him who doesn't care whose in the room.
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Twik

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Re: Avoiding interrupting roommate?
« Reply #22 on: December 08, 2006, 01:51:39 PM »
I really don't think it's Allison's decision. Her BF seems a bit pushy when it comes to the romance at times, so I assume it's him who doesn't care whose in the room.
Sigh. I guess I'm showing my old-foginess here but...

IMHO, if you are too young and/or insecure to look at BF and say, "But RuneGuardian is 3 feet away! Are you out of your MIND?", you're too young/insecure to be having sex in the first place. If she really thinks it's out of her hands to refuse sex in front of an audience, I hate to think what her decision will be the first time BF decides he's fed up with "safe sex".
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VorFemme

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Re: Avoiding interrupting roommate?
« Reply #23 on: December 08, 2006, 02:11:13 PM »
I second the idea of a partition (shower curtain might be cheaper than a three fold screen) set up so that you can get to the bathroom in the middle of the night without seeing them dance the mattress mambo.

I have learned (from past BFs and DH) that men and women are "wired" differently - more men seem to be visually stimulated and also stimulated by the idea that they have an audience for their "great performances".  Women usually (not all women and not all the time) prefer things to be *private* because it is more intimate that way...........

There will always be exhibitionists (of all genders) who would dance the horizontal samba in Times Square at midnight on New Year's Eve while the ball is dropping (for maximum audience with cameras rolling) - but I would hope that room mate and her BF are not quite THAT bad........

You could also suggest that they spend HALF their nights in his dorm suite just to let his room mates be the ones who are inconvienced half the time.  Or suggest that they "get a room" at a local hotel.......



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Twik

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Re: Avoiding interrupting roommate?
« Reply #24 on: December 08, 2006, 03:38:16 PM »
I have learned (from past BFs and DH) that men and women are "wired" differently - more men seem to be visually stimulated and also stimulated by the idea that they have an audience for their "great performances".  Women usually (not all women and not all the time) prefer things to be *private* because it is more intimate that way...........
Perhaps (although I think the "wiring" is less important that cultural conditioning), but the fact remains that roommate and BF are the ones inconveniencing other people. They should be aware of this, and be the ones taking the steps to solve the problem, not the other way around.

Unfortunately, rude people rely on the fact that politer people still feel inhibited in pointing out that they have been inconvenienced, and asking for a solution. By acting as if such behavior is obviously normal, they intimidate others into going along with it. If it were me, I'd just cheerfully flip on the lights each time I had to leave my room, with a brisk, "Hey, howya doin'?". If they were having sex in MY room, I'd simply ask them to leave - just as if they had decided to start playing the radio in the middle of the night and slow-dancing in the centre of the floor. Their libido is not my concern - my comfort in facilities I'm paying for is.
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Athos_000

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Re: Avoiding interrupting roommate?
« Reply #25 on: December 08, 2006, 04:03:15 PM »
Quote
I really don't think it's Allison's decision. Her BF seems a bit pushy when it comes to the romance at times, so I assume it's him who doesn't care whose in the room.

If Allison is participating consentually, she has a say in the decision!
 


Ki

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Re: Avoiding interrupting roommate?
« Reply #26 on: December 21, 2006, 04:41:35 PM »
Much like the vacuuming, I think my roommate had a good response when he walked in on a couple of his former roommates getting it on on the couch:

Him: "You guys *have* a room, you know."
Them: "Yes, it's very nice" (continuing their amorous activities)
Him: *turns on the Playstation, sits in a chair next to the couch, and begins playing as though the couple were not present*

They kept to their room after that.

Unfortunately, as the couple in the OP don't have their own room, this wouldn't really work in that situation.  I think a divider, and a conversation with her regarding noise levels, are probably the way to go.  It would be nice if they could use his room occasionally too, but I don't know how feasible that is.

alli_wan

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Re: Avoiding interrupting roommate?
« Reply #27 on: December 21, 2006, 05:00:48 PM »
As the resident prude, I'd argue that if you don't have your own room (or some pre-arranged agreement), you aren't entitled to the priveledge of having sexual relations in your home.  Common spaces are simply not acceptable unless the only people who have them in common are the participants (or you are absolutely sure the kids are away at summer camp).

If that means you don't have sex, too bad.

Additionally, in my college days, showers were often where people had their 'intimate time'.  Assuming you have a bathroom in your suite, it's not unreasonable to expect your roommates to limit their couple time to a private area when people are not showering.  If they want the freedom to have sex whenever and wherever, they can pay for the priveledge by getting their own apartment.

(If this were a case where there were only 2 roommates, the boyfriend wasn't there all the time, and it was a matter of simply timing, I'd agree that some sort of arrangement could be made, but with three roommates, the leech boyfriend, and only one bedroom, I just don't see how that could work out.  If the two lovers are that inconsiderate, they should move in together somewhere else.)

sweedetobee

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Re: Avoiding interrupting roommate?
« Reply #28 on: December 21, 2006, 05:03:14 PM »
Since you have a good relationship with them and seem to like Alison and her BF I have to alter what I would usually tell you to say or do .  ;)

You don't have the issue that he's not paying rent and upping the electricity bill since that is somehow worked out through your college.

And BF has a roommate so it is not like they have anywhere private to go - and (I'm assuming?) you would want to have a SO over too (don't know your situation if you have one or not...).

So - the question is how to get the point across that you don't want to view or listen to an X rated show...

I personally believe that you only have one option - given the above points - and that is to talk to her about it. I think you have to sit down with her and tell her your points. You have to talk to her or your situation will never change - you are too worried about being nice and while I can see that this is not a hostile situation, you don't want your frustration to stay pent up and grow until it does become a hostile situation....

Sandi Papaya

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Re: Avoiding interrupting roommate?
« Reply #29 on: December 21, 2006, 06:16:42 PM »
If Allison's BF can't stand his roomies, too bad. That's (usually) what you get when you live in student housing (if that's what he's in), unless you choose your own roommates, and even the best of friends can turn out to be complete toads when it comes to the roomie situation (been there, done that, got a large single room the following year all to myself). Well, maybe not toads, because I don't want to give toads a bad name...but you know what I mean.

Getting back to my original point: if Allison's BF doesn't like his roomies, boohoo, too bad, so sad. Allison may be a nice girl, but it sounds like she's also a pushover when it comes to the sex-type thing (not unusual when you're young - been there, done that, learned to be assertive). She needs to be more assertive and more conscious of the inconvenience she is causing you and your other roommate (who, like it or not, are paying to live there, while he is paying to live SOMEWHERE ELSE).

The harder solution would be to get them to spend more intimate time in HIS apartment, where, whether he likes his roommates or not, they might have a more appreciative audience for the free live sex show.

No one should have to put up with a potential bladder infection just because they can't get to the bathroom for fear of disturbing the two lovebirds. No one should have to rearrange their study time, computer time, sleep time (or sleep location!), which they are paying for. You need to sit Allison down and have a very frank talk with her about having consideration for everyone who lives there, and that means spending a few nights down at the BF's, whether he likes his roomies or not (personally, I think this is a big fat excuse to put the girls out rather than the boys - which group is more likely to take action to put a stop to this?). If they absolutely, positively cannot do this, then they need to make arrangements to get a more private space to have their amorous liaisons.

While I lived with roommates, unless I had my own space in which to "entertain," I didn't do so out of consideration for my roommate. My good luck was that I was mostly attracted to upperclassmen or students who lived off-campus so I had excuses to be off-campus to be "entertained" during those 2 years. The 2 years I had my own space, all bets were off. Allison doesn't have your room to herself, she has to share it. I'm not saying she should turn into a nun while she lives there, but either cut down on the "private time" that keeps you from your space, your sleep time and your study time, or make arrangements so that you know when she's in need of some "private time" - the old scarf/tie on the door, a "Do Not Disturb" sign, or something like that, but the main point is that it should not interfere with your use or your enjoyment of the facilities you're still paying for.

If you live in some states (like CA), the general rule of thumb for figuring out the maximum number of people who can occupy an apartment (not sure if this applies to on-campus housing, but this is for private apartments) is 2 people per bedroom plus one - so in a 1-bedroom, that's 3 people. In private apartments, having an extra "long-term" guest like that would be enough to be considered breaking the lease, and could get you kicked out. Might not be an issue here, just saying.

There's no reason why you should have to avoid these two, if they're choosing to have "private time" in a space that is anything but private. If they're adult enough to pursue "private" activities, they're adult enough for you to point out that it's not cool for them to pursue those activities when other people need your shared space. Sure, it sucks to be in that situation, but you all have to share that space whether he likes it or not. He's paying to live somewhere else. There's no need for all of you to be sympathetic and accommodating to his distaste for his roommates. If he doesn't like it there, he can move elsewhere, not make your living situation an intractable one.