Bad Classmates...Tell Your Story (or Stories)

[Gigi]

There was a boy in my first grade class who was bigger than the other kids and quite a bully.  Whenever we were on the playground he would commandeer the merry-go-round and only allow the kids he liked to play on it.  For some reason he didn't like me, and I was also one of the smallest kids in the class, so I never got a turn to play.  

I remember being quite upset and complaining to my big brother who was 4 years older.  A few days after telling my brother I was  suddenly allowed on the merry-go-round.  As I was telling my family about it  at dinner that night big bro confessed that he had told the next-biggest boy in my class that he would pay him to beat up the bully.  He did this in the bully's hearing.  When my astonished parents asked him why he did that he said he knew he was so much older and bigger that it wouldn't be a fair fight, so he thought it would be better to get someone nearer the bully's size to do the job.  The bully was really a coward, as most bullies are, so just the threat of someone taking him on was enough to adjust his attitude.  I attended that school for 9 years and never had another problem with him.  

I've had my share of disagreements with big bro over the years, but I've never forgotten that he was once willing to give up his allowance, and probably get in trouble, to protect me.

[Amitisoo]

I had gone through so much torture throughout school, and a combination of prescribed drugs (the shrink really dropped the ball on that one), had made me so angry and aggressive, and the drugs got rid of what internal self-check I had, that I had a fully loaded, sawed off shotgun shoved into my pants that morning.  There were 8 people I was going to take out that day.  It's a good thing I let this little plan slip the evening before while I was so drunk I could barely walk.

Sounds like me. If I would have had access to a gun someone WOULD have died. Luckily I didn't and now wouldn't harm a fly.

[Hawkwatcher]

Its amazing how similar our stories are... It makes me wonder, was it mostly the teachers fault?  To this day I carry the harassment scars.  I'm afraid to walk alone without my sweetie or my dog, I'm too afraid to go to restroom at night (I live in a co-ed university dorms during the week days), I still sleep with the lights on during the week because my sweetie isn't here. 

I am sorry that you are still suffering from the scars from being harassed. 

I suspect that in the most severe cases of bullying, the bullies learn that the teachers or administrators are not going to do anything to stop them and that they can get away with extremely cruel behavior.  Because bullying can leave such deep scars, I would definitely advise parents who are afraid that a bully might hurt their child to hire a lawyer if complaining to teachers and the principal does not work.     

[rockingrandma]

??...your mother chased you trying to shoot you?   

I don't know how to respond to that except to say that I'm so so sorry.

LOL, it's all good.  That was the third time she'd aimed a shotgun at me.  The first time I was 5 and the bullet whizzed by my ear and lodged in the wall.  The second time I was 7 and it was point blank but the safety was on.  That last time I ended up running to my room, locking the door really fast, and then diving through the window.  And those were three of the LEAST dramatic incidents that happened with me and mom.  I never have any planned contact with her anymore.  I'm not exactly the most well-adjusted adult on the planet, but I have a husband and daughter that understand my, um, "quirks".

[rockingrandma]

Sounds like me. If I would have had access to a gun someone WOULD have died. Luckily I didn't and now wouldn't harm a fly.

Not to be inflammatory (but still donning my asbestos panties), any time I hear of a school shooting my first reaction is sympathy for the shooter.  Violent video games and mental illness aside, I know first hand what it takes to become that shooter.  People blame violent games, violent tv, mental defects, etc, but the the truth is they never blame the true source.....bullies and the people that turn a blind eye.

[kingsrings]

When I was in high school, I signed up for a dance class for credit for P.E. because I got tired of sports, which I wasn't good at. Part of the class was we would learn a dance routine, then break up into little groups of two or more to perform it for the class. No one would ever let me be a member of their group. One time I told the teacher that I wouldn't be able to do the routine for a grade because I couldn't find a group that would let me in. So she made one of the groups take me. They then gave me a hard time about it because they didn't want me in the group, and proceeded to shut me out of rehearsal as much as possible. This happened the rest of the year throughout the class, and I ended up with a D- because of it. I even confided to my school counselor about what happened, and she talked to my teacher and advised her that she really shouldn't let her students pick their groups themselves, because students could be shunned that way. My teacher didn't care. Unless you were a cheerleader or a popular girl, you were a loser in her eyes. The whole school was always talking about Mrs. M and her 'cheerleader pets'.

[RoseRose]

Junior year I was in a class called Political Action Seminar (a mistake on my part).  It was very student-run, and the teacher was often not around.

Two incidents there were worse than the others (if I told all my stories, I'd be here a long time...)

1.  I was sitting at a computer in the classroom, and it was a chair that turned.  I turned my chair to find two guys' behinds shaking in my face.  (Both of whom I had a very negative history with, and already was somewhere between scared of them and loathing them).

2.  One of the guys from the previous incident got me in a hug... and wouldn't let go... I fought a bit, but I'm 5'2, and not THAT strong, and he was over 6 foot, and a football player... I just had to wait for him to let go.  I can still hug my friends, but I better initiate the hugs with any new aquaintances.

At least these incidents were after I had stopped being suicidal... if I hadn't met my now-fiance when I did, the combination of nasty peers and problems at home would probably have led me to suicide before I graduated high school.

I turned everything inwards... I still feel worthless from what I was told then... not always, but sometimes...

[Yarnspinner]

Can't resist.

When I was in grade school, there was a girl who was several years older than the rest of us because she had been held back so many times.  Years later, we'd all realize she was mentally retarded but at that time, she was called "slow".  

For reasons I could never understand (my mother said it was jealousy and as I think about it almost 45 years later, Mom was probably right) D hated me with a passion.  She would take the lovely scarves, hats and mittens Mom and my grandmother knitted for me--and unraveled them to shreds.  She tore my beautiful homemade dresses and chewed (yes) up a plastic pink lunchbox of mine.  But it was in the fourth grade she did the worst thing.

We always had to line up and walk from one room to another for our math class.  I hated math to begin with and still do, but I hated even more that class because D was always put in line right behind me.  She wore the pointy, pointy shoes that were so popular way back when.  As she walked behind me, she kicked me in the heel with those pointed shoes.  All the way to class.  All the way through class.  All the way back from class.  My heel felt funny, but I didn't see what it was until I got home that night.  She'd kicked a hole through my shoe and into my heel.  No joke, it was like half an inch in and the blood was pouring out.

Mom started talking to the teachers who all said things like "Oh, poor D just isn't as bright as Lily is and we hate to discipline her because she has so many problems."  So instead, Mom mentioned lawyers and lawsuits and suddenly D was in another class.  Years later, D decided I was her best friend which was almost as much torture as having her hate me.  

I went through another round of hell through high school when, for reasons I will never, to this day, understand, two girls and their "gang" targeted me and a few others for "special" treatment.  They started the rumor that my best friend and I were lesbian lovers.  They got their brothers to call me and another girl they hated and ask us out on dates.  (They were stupid enough to try and call me and say "Hi, this is S.  This guy just called me up and asked me out...what do you think?"  and I would reply "I think you better work on your voice impersonations, {name of tormenter here}".  Then there would be a hang up.

It got worse when the two of them and I wound up in the same home economics class.  I don't even know if these exist anymore...home ec rooms with small kitchen set ups and another room for sewing.  The misguided cooking teacher took it upon herself to pair me up with them for everything in the futile belief that we would get along once we had a project to work on.  These two witches would sit on their hands and do nothing while I did all the work, decorated the bulletin boards (another bright idea from same teacher) and whatever else.  We all got the same grade, but I did all the work!  The sewing class was worse as they had access to pins in there and they would stick me with pins.  I complained to the teacher (she was a young student teacher and seemed to be more in charge than the teacher who was supposed to monitor her) and she said "Oh, W and B are so much fun.  They're just high strung, is all."  Yeah, like when W tried to stick her dress making pins in my eyes and I got hell from the teacher for complaining about it.

What always makes me laugh is that, today, all you hear about is how "popular" kids make lives miserable for the not so popular.  The thing is, the "popular" kids never bothered with me.  I wasn't even on their radar.  It was this group of five or six who were even less popular than me, who made life miserable for some of us.  And all the teachers seemed to think that they were the ones who should be excused while those of us who were hurt, flamed and abused were criticized for being babies and "tattling."

On the other hand, it's helped toughen me up a bit when the little thugs and thugettes at my current library job start calling me names.  I just laugh and tell them that they will have to reach way high to touch the shoes of the monsters who used to pick on me and my friends.  This really drives 'em nuts.

And still, I often find myself journaling about my high school years and wonder if I was so obnoxious a kid that I couldn't see it and they were reacting to my obnoxiousness in the only way they knew how.

[dietcokeofevil]

Marcy had been my best friend since kindergarten. Our parents were friends and we lived in the same neighborhood.  It was inevitable.  She was always the leader in the relationship, and among our classmates, she was slightly more popular than me, but I did slightly better in school than she did.  At least once a year while we were in elementary school, she would get mad at me for some reason and stop talking to me for a couple of weeks.  She would also convince the rest of our friends to stop speaking to me as well.  She wasn't popular enough to turn the whole class against me, but it still hurt.  Even though she pulled this frequently I would apologize and we would go back to being friends.  Can anyone say "Doormat" ?    6th grade was the worst.  First she befriended another classmate who I had been close to for a few years, but she had not.  Then she stopped talking to me for the entire year, and managed to convince the other person to do the same.  I basically spent the year with a few non-close friends. Miraculously, the feud ended once school was over and I was the only one in the neighborhood to play with.

Once we entered junior high, the problems seemed to stop.  Of course by them we had a close group of 7 girls and she had plenty of other victims.  One of her favorite ploys was to decide she didn't like somebody right around the time she was having a party.  Then this person wouldn't be invited and it would be this big thing that we couldn't mention the party around her.  

All was fine until 11th grade.  Suddenly, she stopped speaking to me once again.  Now that I was older, I realized what she was mad about.  My best friend dumped me, because I was on the prom planning committee and she wasn't.  It wasn't like I orchestrated this, our class sponsor decided to limit participation to the class officers (I was treasurer).  Marcy's mom actually said something to the sponsor about it, and the sponsor said that Marcy could help out.  All she needed to do was show up at the next meeting.  Marcy refused because it was being held at the house of one of the popular girls.  This girl was one of the nicest I knew and there was no way she would have made Marcy feel uncomfortable.  This time the plan to turn our friend's against me didn't work.  They were mature enough to think for themselves, and were as confused as I was about the situation.  When asked, she would never give a reason for being mad at me.   The good thing this time was that I had other friends who were not part of our group.  Her not talking to me didn't really affect me as much as I thought it did.  We managed to make it the rest of the way through high school, being civil to each other.  We still had friends in common, and had to spend the occasional evening together.  Looking back I finally noticed the pattern.  Every time she stopped speaking to me was when she felt I was getting attention that she needed.

Growing up didn't even seem to cure it.   Sometime when we were all home on college break, the old gang decided to get together for a slumber party.  The girl who was hosting had told me she would call to let me know when the party was starting.  Hadn't heard from her, so I went ahead and called her.  Everyone was already there.  I was a little annoyed, but I went on over.  Found out from someone else, that Marcy had managed to convince her not to call me.   And I hadn't even talked to Marcy since graduation.

[Ciarrai]

Children and teenagers can be horribly cruel.
The one that sticks in my mind is grade seven. My best friend had just moved away, so I was completely alone in the class with no friends at all, since my other two best friends had ditched me for no reason. This guy would make fun of me every day and blame me for everything, even if it was obvious that I had not done anything. I could never make a presentation in class without him poking fun at me for something. Ever since then I have been afraid of speaking in front of a class. Other groups I have no problem with, but a classroom makes me panic.

[Cyndi]

I was a lot like Carrie(you know, the Sissy Spacek movie) in school. Luckily my prom was romantic and nobody dumped blood on me. But if I'd had access to a weapon at that time in my life, I probably would have shot many people without a thought because I had so much hate inside of me.

Heck, I remember after seeing the movie, I'd concentrate on the heads of some of the people who bullied me just to see if I could cause them to have a stroke.

[MissRose]

**I was often picked on alot (called names, etc) throughout my school years because i was quiet, got good grades, behaved myself in school (cause i know if i didnt, my parents would punish me bad) kind of shy, and didnt dress in the latest fashions.

**Most of the time when others had people to sit with at lunch time, i often sat alone and after i ate lunch, we could go outside or to the library, i chose to go to the library to be alone to read.

I'll never forget at my 10 year class reunion... one girl who picked on me constantly came up to me with true remorse in her voice & eyes, and asked my forgiveness, and i told her she was forgiven.  I found out after high school, she went to college for a bit then got a job and got married and had kids, and now divorced.  She told me i never deserved to be picked on because i did nothing to deserve it.  It does take a lot for a person to admit that after all that time.

Of course, i had some of my male classmates at the same reunion party ask me if i was married or not, and a few even with wedding bands were even trying to flirt with me.  And they were the same idiots (being nice here with words) that wouldnt even give me the time of day in high school.

[Twik]

I was bullied a bit as a child - by "a bit", I mean it made my life miserable at the time, but nothing like what many other posters had to go through.

I remember once when I was about 8. I was walking to my aunt's house, and I had to go past a house where a male classmate lived. He saw me, came out, and pushed me into a mudpuddle. I ended up at my aunt's dripping mud and tears in equal amounts.

Many years later, I met him at a trade show. He was very nice and polite. He was also very FAT, which he had not been as a youth.

Somehow I went home feeling very chipper that day.

[Ko-Ko]

I've got one. There was a girl in my gym class who was nasty to everyone she didn't like. During a volleyball game, she yelled at me for being incompetant (I was, but there was no need to shout about it). She yelled at me never to hit the ball again. I marched over there, and told her to shut up, that nobody cared about her and her opinion, and that it was warm enough in the gym without her useless hot air.

From then on, she hated me. She would tell her own version of the story when she knew I was listening, involving me meekly telling her that she was hurting my feelings, and slinking off after she scared me away. Yeah, right. Anyway, my science teacher unwisely decided to pair us together, thinking that we would learn to get along. The girl informed me that I was going to do all the work, as she had more important things to do.

The day of the presentation, I told her that I would present most of the project, (a cell model) and when I cued her, I would pass her the next notecard, and she would read it, just so she would get a good presentation grade. I handed her the card that was supposed to describe how the cell reproduced. Instead of describing mitosis on the card, I gave her one which read, "When a mommy cell and a daddy cell love each other very much, they decide to have a baby." She actually read it outloud! Throughout the presentation, I gave her cards like this, and many times I gave her nothing to read at all, naturally she failed. Not only that, but she knew better than to mess with me after that. I was never sure how to describe this, but my friend put it both simply and brilliantly saying, "She got owned." And she certainly did. Not bad for a seventh grader right? 

Ko-Ko

[MerryRaven]

In 7th grade girls I had grown up with and been friend with for 6 years started getting invited to parties and sleepovers and I was not.  I would just hear about them afterwards.

In 8th grade it got really bad.  I was 13, wore glasses, was pudgy and had acne.  My mother picked out my clothes.  In an era (1967) of Woodstock I wore things my Mom thought were suitable; including I might add a panty girdle.  

I was wearing a new dress my mother had bought me.  I was in the colors of the rival Junior High.  I had suffered teasing and making fun of my skin and glasses and fat for a while.  On this day this one boy came up and hit the back of my new dress with an eraser.  I swung around and slapped him.  Really wrong thing to do.

For the rest of my school days this one boy and his friends tormented me unmercifully.

The teachers didn't help.  I complained to my science teacher about being teased and he said I deserved it because I was an 'obese procrastinator'.  

He said he knew I was 'too stupid' to figure out what that meant so I should know that it meant 'fat and lazy'.  

He said it in front of my tormentors in class so of course they had ammunition and permission.

I didn't realize that it might have been political.  My father had been a prosecutor and was at that time a judge in civil and juvenile court and may have had dealings with the teacher, some of the kids or their parents.

Even though I was in a prominent family and met senators and presidential candidates, my parents never let on that we were anything special and I didn't realize how much influence my parents had in the town until I was grown up.  

I remember praying to God to change the hearts of my classmates and asking him to fix whatever was wrong with me...

I will say that the guy who started it all with hitting me on the back appologized to me right before our 20th reunion.  He ran into me by chance and asked for my forgiveness and forgave me for the slap.