Bad Classmates...Tell Your Story (or Stories)

[emeraldsage85]

In junior high we had a substitute for French who could not control a class. The boys took every opportunity to be bad. They scribbled all over everything with markers and hung paper towels from the lights. The sub make a few feeble attempts to tell them to stop. Then she just went back to the desk, sat down, and watched.

[Chivewarrior]

I never went to traditional public school. I went to a Charter school, where it was pretty much the same group of kids from kindergarten through eighth grade, mixed-grade classes. And due to some level shuffling, we also had a lot of the same teachers from third grade onwards.

Advantage: the older kids didn't rule anything.
Disadvantage: the older kids didn't rule anything.

In fourth grade (he was in third), we had one nightmare classmate who tried to put his hand down the back of a girl's shirt, but the girls (and some of the guys, too) collectively shunned him for a while, which made him behave after that. We never really forgot, though, and even when we were in eighth and he in seventh, he had only two friends.

Actually, until fifth grade or so my best friend at school was the most popular girl in school and something like a rival of the Girl Gang, our only exclusive clique. My friend was my protector from just about all the nasties, because no one wanted to chance losing her favor. She switched to her town school system after fifth grade and we lost track of each other. Another friend who no one really wanted to mess with (she could probably have broken anyone at school in half) sort-of took over protecting me from the worst of the mess for the next year. And then, in seventh and eighth grades, the trouble struck.

I was a victim of political correctness, the "we can't punish them, they're black and they'll cry racism!" syndrome. (Not said in exactly those words, of course.)

So for seventh grade, it was D, for eighth grade, it was Freddie. They are brothers and still idiots, and Freddie is now best friends with a former friend of mine. She was a nice girl, too...

In seventh grade, D would do things like trap me at the end of the hallway and make risque comments, come up behind me, and pretend to ask me out. I would retaliate hotly, usually with a hardcover book. (I didn't often allow it to hit in seventh grade, and he knew that and didn't care.) He also once called my house and asked for me. At least, we think it was him, because he refused to give his name when asked for it. The first time I told the teachers, I got a response along the lines of "what do you want us to do about it". When my mother went, she got responses along the lines of "yeah, we know it's a problem, but he's black and we can't punish him". From my pod teacher and the level coordinator. If we'd gotten to the principal that year, something might have happened, but she left at the end of the year and was replaced...

And I got stuck with Freddie, who was a year younger than I. I seldom actually complained about him, although he would sometimes kick my heels from behind in line, make comments, and occasionally touch me. I'd learned, by that point, that complaining didn't do any good. And there was also my arch-nemesis J, and I'm not sure why no one ever punished her for harassing me, since she did get suspended for a day when she brought caffeine pills to school when she was in fifth grade. (I was in sixth.)

My poor sister is now stuck not only with Freddie and the others his age (who I could and did protect her from when I was still at that school- that trusty hardcover book again. Never stopped them from harassing me, but I guess they figured she wasn't worth the fight later.), but with a guy her age who the teachers got the bright idea to pair with her and her best friend on a science project. This kid touches them, pinches their rears, and kicks them. The teacher does nothing. My parents and the friend's parents complain to the school. Still the teachers do nothing. I suggested she orchestrate a shunning of him, since she's popular enough to do that, but they're already doing that and he doesn't care, and they have to talk with him to work with him. At least she's only got one more year after this one.

Strangely enough, I had much less trouble than could be expected with my dorm. There was this nice, influential, beloved senior who befriended me last year... and this year I hang out with the freshmen. They're all a very nice bunch and they don't try to mess with me.

[emeraldsage85]

In grade 1 I was very shy. The teacher had everyone's desks arranged in groups of two side by side. I was put next to the class bully. He would pinch me, poke me (hard!) with his pencil, and make fun of me. This went on for quite a long time before finally I couldn't take it anymore and told my parents. They went to the teacher about it. She moved him into a corner by himself.

[CutebutPsycho]

I find this thread very therapeutic! It seems as though alot of people had a hard time in school, it wasn't just me! As a previous poster mentioned, I can empathize with the school shooters - nothing makes what they did right, but I can see how a person might snap and open fire on their tormentors.

There was one girl who lived up the street from me and had the same name as me - she used to torment me relentlessly. One day in grade 8 she came running up behind me in the hallway and pulled my pants down. I talked to the counsellor about it and was told I was really being over-sensitive... what???

Kids and teenagers are the cruelest creatures alive - bar none!

[Shoo]

A lot of these stories make me want to ask if there are any standards at all for guidance counselors in schools.  How do these yahoos get to be guidance counselors?  It seems they have no brains or common sense at all.

[kherbert05]

I went to school with a sociopath. From K - 5 he would beat the daylights out of us, and threaten us with rape. Not just the word - graphic descriptions including various tools he would use. We could not get any adults to understand what he was threatening. Also the treatment for my skin condition back then was a tanning lamp. I had a very dark year around tan. It was uneven, because of my skin being in different stages of healing. As a result you couldn't see the bruises on my skin. Also simply being touched was painful (Think pouring salt onto a scraped up area with deep cuts).

The year between my 4Th and 5Th grade year we went to Canada to visit Mom's family. One of my Uncles was studying to be a teacher. A couple of other - well something happened to them when they were kids, but I don't know the whole story. The way I reacted to them and my boy cousins set off some big alarm bells. They told my parents they thought I might be being sexually abused - and my stories of bully threatening to put things in me slid into place with my parents.

A couple of weeks into 5Th grade bully kicked me in the throat during dismissal. Mom was picking me up and we went somewhere. I didn't say anything. When we got home the woman watching little sis asked if Mom had to take me to the Dr. Turns out my classmates' parents had been calling asking what my parents were going to do about bully.

Mom asked me why I didn't tell - I said, "Why no-one ever does anything - I'm going to stop him forever". It was a Thursday and Friday was a holiday.

This part I found out later.
Dad came home. Packed up his 22 revolver, 22 rifle, and shotgun. He took them to his best friends house to lock them up there (they were under lock and key at home, but I had been shooting since I was 6  and they weren't taking any chances) Best friend is also our lawyer. He and Dad mapped out a strategy.

I wasn't left alone for a moment the entire weekend. An adult was watching me at all times - including while I slept.

Monday My parents met with the school principal and bully's parents. Bully's parents said that I liked getting beaten up and asked for it.

My parents told them and the school that bully would never touch or threaten with rape another girl at our school. If he did
1. Bully would be arrested
2. Bully's parents would be arrested (failure to control a child old Texas Law)
3. Principal's supervisor would be arrested (failure to report child sex abuse, child endangerment, child neglect)
4. The supertendant would be arrested (failure to report child sex abuse, child endangerment, child neglect)
5. The school board would be arrested (failure to report child sex abuse, child endangerment, child neglect)

Note the teachers and principal constantly tried to protect us from bully but the Principal's supervisor, the district supertendant, and the school board members interfered and threatened their jobs.

The Supervisor, Supertendant, and school board members were "served" with some type of legal notice from our lawyer. We never had another problem getting an appropriate response to bullying again.

My parents took me to a child psychiatrist and that helped. I'm still very slow to trust, and you do not want to startle me from behind, because I will probably deck you.

Last I heard of bully he was is in Huntsville Prison for Rape.

[MerryRaven]

I thought things had improved from the time I was in school and I was sure it must have.

But you cannot stop bullying if your kids do not tell you.  I would have believed them and I would have backed them, but for some reason they would never tell me unless I pried and pried. I found out when they were adults that there were other instances I never knew about.

My youngest was getting harrassed by one boy in school in 8th grade.  To this day she has never told me the details. 

They had a "Make Your Day" program which is a kind of social discipline program.  You are suppose to rat out other kids so they wouldn't make their day or tell if they did something good so they would get extra points.  Of course all the bullies band together and give each other top points and God help you if you complain about being teased or bullied.

I did find out this one boy was bothering my daughter though I never knew how.  I took her to the one guidence counselor I knew was good and she got the details.  She would never tell me the details at my daughters request but assured me that my daughter would never be in a class with this boy and his friends ever again.  And he was punished. 

She went to high school two years later (Jr High here is 8th and 9th) and sure enough the same boy was in a class with her.  She complained to the teacher and he made her sit beside him. I was going to raise 7 kinds of hell, but she said she could deal with it. 

She had made a friends with a lot of the boys because she liked science and computers and they all confronted the guy on his own after school and told him he was being watched and would be hurt if he did anything to anyone.  He never bothered her again and a short time later was hauled off to juvenile hall for assult and destruction of property.

I found out about harrassment my girls were getting on the bus by accident. 

I don't understand why kids don't tell.  I was never a mom who disbelieved my kids.  I always assumed they were telling me the truth. 

[Hawkwatcher]

My parents, my teachers, and my guidance counselors all convinced me that it was "my fault" because I "reacted to them."  Gee, you wouldn't react when, for the first time in 4 years, you had a new coat, and the first week of school some (expletive) wrote "F... You" on the back in ink pen (all spelled out, incorrectly I might add) and so you had to go without a coat for the next 3 years?  You wouldn't react when pelted with rocks, mud and heavy objects that drew blood every day on the walk (okay, run) home?  You wouldn't react when threatened, harassed, beaten, sexually assaulted, robbed and had your property vandalized (especially my glasses; oh, how they loved to break my glasses).

Yes, I often received the same stupid advice from my teachers during the 70s and 80s.  At the time, I thought it was terrible advice.  I also thought it was strange that the schools expected students to ignore their bullies but expelled students for hitting teachers.  While I agree that teachers should not have tolerate physical violence from students, I feel that students shouldn't have tolerate violence from other students either.

[EveLGenius]

I can't say that it's nice to know that these things have happened to other people, but I confess that it's nice to know I'm not as alone as I always felt during grade school. I could also have been one of those kids that snapped and took a couple of people with her, but my mother, bless her, always told me that the problem was the maturity level of the students, not me, and that things would get better when I went to college. Boy, was she right.

I didn't get much physical abuse- it was mostly verbal. The one incident that leaps to mind right now was the first week of Junior High, when students from our grade school were suddenly mixed with students from 3-4 other grade schools. My hopes that I'd finally be able to make some friends were dashed when a boy I'd never seen before walked up to me in the hallway and said, "You're EveLGenius, right? Well, you're an ---hole."

[kherbert05]

My parents, my teachers, and my guidance counselors all convinced me that it was "my fault" because I "reacted to them."  Gee, you wouldn't react when, for the first time in 4 years, you had a new coat, and the first week of school some (expletive) wrote "F... You" on the back in ink pen (all spelled out, incorrectly I might add) and so you had to go without a coat for the next 3 years?  You wouldn't react when pelted with rocks, mud and heavy objects that drew blood every day on the walk (okay, run) home?  You wouldn't react when threatened, harassed, beaten, sexually assaulted, robbed and had your property vandalized (especially my glasses; oh, how they loved to break my glasses).

Yes, I often received the same stupid advice from my teachers during the 70s and 80s.  At the time, I thought it was terrible advice.  I also thought it was strange that the schools expected students to ignore their bullies but expelled students for hitting teachers.  While I agree that teachers should not have tolerate physical violence from students, I feel that students shouldn't have tolerate violence from other students either.

[/size]

I find that that attitude goes hand in hand with the "boys will be boys" and "He likes her that is why he teases her" attitude. I had a parent pull that line out, when discussing his son's habit of "accidentally" bumping into one girl. I looked at the Dad, and said, "So when he is older it will be OK for him to slap around his girlfriend"

Dad stuttered No

Me But it is OK for him to slam a little girl into the wall to get her attention

Dad, Sorry I didn't see it that way. I'll take care of it.

The boy was very upset when he came in the next day. Made a personal, private (except for me) apology to the girl and promise to not come near her. To the extent that if another teacher put them together he would tell the teacher, "I'm sorry (teacher name) but I was cruel to (girl's name) and can't be near her.

About a month later she forgave him, and felt safe working with him again.

One point we try to make our students understand is that an apology is just words, unless you change your behavior. Just because you apologise doesn't mean the other person has to forgive or trust you. You broke trust through actions you have to earn it back through actions. We don't let the bully get away with a surly I'm sorry.

One thing Parents need to remember is that civil liberties do not stop at the school house door. If it is a crime outside of school, it is a crime inside school. You can call the cops and you can press charges. Now I don't don't advocate calling the cops for every scuffle on the playground.  99% of the "fights" on my campus are bumping fights. Since they are dealt with quickly and firmly they don't escalate on campus. If your child is endanger of being hurt or has been seriously hurt - call the cops, get a lawyer, press charges.

Another thing for parents to understand is we can not control off campus behavior.  On campus Johnny is a surly little brat, but he doesn't lay a hand on anyone just glares at them. When they cross the street to the apartments, he beats the daylights out of your kid. We can't punish Johnny - you need to call the cops.

This really has happened and the parent came unglued because we "wouldn't do anything" (She wanted us to expell Johnny). We did plenty. Teachers escorting the Kindergartners found her son, and brought him back to school after finding out no-one was home at his house. Our nurse administered first aid. We called the Mom to come get the son, and called the free clinic to make sure they could be seen that day. All staff were notified to make sure Johnny was strictly supervised (he literally can't go to the restroom by himself - he must be escorted.) She refused to press charges or seek an RO against Johnny. The attack happened off campus and no staff saw it. We can't do anything. If she had pressed charges, we could have legally taken more steps. With out the charges, we did as much as we could legally.

[Emmy]

My heart feels for everyone here with a painful story.  I hear bullying is still as big a problem as ever.  On TV, I saw a report where people would slander other students over the internet, post false things on myspace, and threaten them over the internet as well as making their lives hell while in school.  While I never got physically beat up, my tormentors would would use humiliation; calling me embarrassing names in front of large groups, pointing and laughing, falsely being called a lesbian, ect. to humiliate me.  The extent of that is more than just being embarrassed, very few people want to risk being friends with a person being harassed.  I know what it is like to have my teeth chatter before school or a certain class because I was afraid of what may happen there.

I feel more should be done to protect students who want to learn from bullies in the classroom.  Nobody should have to sit next to somebody they are afraid of.  Nobody should be told they deserve it or are 'egging them on' because they get upset about being violated in some way.  Truth is many bullies will harass somebody - whether that person ignores them or not.  Granted, students can't be protected from bullies if they run into them off school property, but they should be protected while in school.  I think more bullies should be expelled permanently from schools if they pose a serious threat.  I feel they should lose their right to a free public education if they are abusive, just like somebody would lose a job for harassing a co-worker.

I was fortunate to have the 'angels' throughout my school career which made it bearable.  Some older girls on the bus befriended me while I was young and looked out for me.  In 5th grade, I had a friend Renee who was popular, and wasn't afraid to stand up to Lucy and others (see earlier post) for me as well as other friends and encouragers over the years.  In high school, I was getting good grades and planned go to college and start a new life while many of my bullies from earlier grades were already pregnant.  I was also shedding my awkward pre-teen looks and bad skin as I got older and became an attractive young woman.  Most of all, I had a good family.  They didn't understand me 100% of the time, but I knew they loved me and wanted the best for me.  I don't know what I would have done if I didn't have the many 'angels' in my life during many difficult times.

[hollasa]

In the 1970s and 1980s, apparently, all it took was the ability to say in a falsely sympathetic tone, "You know you're just egging them on by reacting.  If you ignore them and walk away, they'll stop."  Repeat that over and over and over again, do absolutely nothing else (except deny there was a problem), and presto!  You're a school guidance counselor.

Hey - we must have had the same counsellor - that sounds so familiar!

[freakyfemme]

In the 1970s and 1980s, apparently, all it took was the ability to say in a falsely sympathetic tone, "You know you're just egging them on by reacting.  If you ignore them and walk away, they'll stop."  Repeat that over and over and over again, do absolutely nothing else (except deny there was a problem), and presto!  You're a school guidance counselor.

Hey - we must have had the same counsellor - that sounds so familiar!

Was she related to my elementary-school principal from K-4?

[Suze]

maybe they were grown in vats somewhere, because that's what I heard too.

When someone punches you in the belly - how do you ignore them???

[freakyfemme]

maybe they were grown in vats somewhere, because that's what I heard too.

When someone punches you in the belly - how do you ignore them???

Yeah, I'll buy that.  Maybe the cafeteria suppliers sell Instant Powdered Guidance Counsellor along with the Instant Powdered Juice Crystals and Instant Powdered Scrambled Eggs, lol.