Last Minute Stuff

[Zilla]

I have a family and friends that love to call me up and ask to hang out or do a favor with few hours notice.  I admit, I am a pain in the sense that I like at least a day or two notice.  A week would be awesome as I am a planner.  I hate hate hate last minute things.

Example, my mom calls me on Friday night and asks me if I want to go to the beach the next morning.  Umm, it is an hour to the beach and I don't have any foods to take or even have current bathing suits for the girls.  My mom, "Ah let's just wing it.  You don't have to plan everything!  We will buy stuff at the store on the way over and the girls can be in her diapers and/or shorts just fine!".

Umm no.  When I ask to do it for the following weekend....it is too far ahead.

Am I unreasonable?  How can I tell people politely that I like to have notice before events?  You would think by my politely refusing after several times to last minute stuff that they would get a clue.....

[Sharnita]

Did you have other plans? If so that would make it unreasonable.

Is it possible to wing it the way your mom suggested? Yes. Does it stress you? Yes. You have a couple of options and I don't know that one is better than the other. You could just decide to go with Mom's plan, stress a little, then sit back and enjoy. You could reiterate that it is stressful not to plan and work out something else. Could you compromise - wing it this time, plan the next one?

I do kind of think it would be neat for the kids remember the time mom and grandma through us in the car and took off for the beach, even if they only remember it from photos. I also think your family needs to remember parents need to plan for events.

[willow08]

I don't think you're being unreasonable. I think your mom is forgetting what's it like trying to "wing it" with kids, which can be just miserable. When you're dealing with a trip that involves hygiene issues and water safety (diapers, floaties, etc.) you just can't "wing it." You need to plan ahead or you will be miserable and unprepared, which will make your kids miserable and cranky.

your mom sounds like she wants her needs and wants met now, NOW NOW! She has to understand that you are a mother now and have to put your kids comfort and safety before spontanaiety. I think you handled it fine, but the trick now is not feeling bad about it.

[Sterling]

I don't have kids so i can't say anything on that front.  However I am just like you about planning.  I can't stand to not have a plan.  My BF doesn't see the point.  He once talked me into to going backpacking through Europe with no plan except for the date we would fligh home.  I enjoyed it but was stressed.

He loves last minute camping trips or hiking.  I now keep out camping materials in a rubber main box with canned goods in it.  I also keep water bottles, sun block, and small snake items in the house at all times so at 10 am on a Saturday if he says "Let's go for a hike" I can toss things in a bag and be ready in less than 10 minutes.

I still would rather plan things out.  What if you get to the store and they don't have water proof sunblock because htey are out of stock?  Those are the toughts that plauge me when I am not in charge of planning.

[Mikayla]

Having gone through this myself, I've decided that the only solution is for everyone to promise to try harder to recognize the others' idiosyncrasies.

I am last minute to the max!  In fact, a few weeks ago, my BFF called me around noon wanting to go to a restaurant for dinner, and she then asked if this was too much notice  

OTOH, she can't cross the street without an itinerary (complete with emergency phone numbers).

I don't think you are unreasonable, nor is your mom.  But people don't change in this regard - they just mellow to a certain extent.  As always, good communication is the key.

[Pixie]

I am a planner, Hubby is a spur of the moment type.  We balance each other very well. Now I "plan" to do things spur of the moment!      And he has gotten better at giving me a little bit of advance notice.

It actually works out well most of the time.   It takes all kinds to make the world go 'round, the key is to accept the differences in others.  (IMO).

[Morty'sCleaningLady]

I am a planner as well.  I would not have gone on the trip.  Not having proper garb and sunscreen for the little ones puts the brakes on that for me.  I know what it takes for me to go swimming -- I have a mental checklist: do I have an available swimsuit? Towel? Sunscreen? have I shaved my legs recently enough? Don't forget menstual issues.  

Perhaps to help your mom understand, you could send her solo to the beach with your girls?  The only mandatory thing is sunscreen (to prevent skin cancer later).  She could deal with the random hunger or diaper issue or 'My shorts are wet and I need dry ones NOW' comments.  I bet she would be back significantly earlier than anticipated, with two hungry and tired little ones, and she'd give better notice in the future.


Good luck!

[kiero]

I like spur of the moment, DH is a planner.  We've had an interesting couple of years.

Personally I make plans right before I want to do something - ever with a baby.  

I think that if you cancel just because it's too short notice - that's a bit uncool.  But if you had other things planned, like a day at home to relax, then that's perfectly fine.  I know if I call people up last minute that some people might already have plans.  

[bopper]

You have a planning personality type...your friends/family either don't have that personality type or have planned the event for themselves but not bothered to tell you.
See more information about the Myers-Briggs personality type:
http://www.personalitypathways.com/type_inventory.html

There is nothing wrong with a planning personality type...it is just different than the "let's keep our options open" type.  I would tell your friends family that you really would prefer some notice, otherwise you will have to turn some of their offers down.

[Zilla]

Did you have other plans? If so that would make it unreasonable.

I do kind of think it would be neat for the kids remember the time mom and grandma through us in the car and took off for the beach, even if they only remember it from photos. I also think your family needs to remember parents need to plan for events.

My mom comes every other weekend and we always do stuff.  Zoo, parks, movies etc.  I have a 20 month old which does require a bit of planning.  My six year old though, I can wing it with her.  Plus knowing my mom, it involves her laying getting a "suntan" while I watch the two girls the entire day by myself.  I rather go with my dh and mom and make it a day of it which I had suggested for the following weekend.  But my mom declined saying it is too far ahead.  Whatever.

[Zilla]

your mom sounds like she wants her needs and wants met now, NOW NOW! She has to understand that you are a mother now and have to put your kids comfort and safety before spontanaiety. I think you handled it fine, but the trick now is not feeling bad about it.

I guess I was looking for a polite way of saying that I do need more notice without alienating the person.  I have alot of family and friends that do it to me all the time.  But thank you for understanding what it is like having a toddler and a dramatic 6 year old. LOL

[Bijou]

I have a family and friends that love to call me up and ask to hang out or do a favor with few hours notice.  I admit, I am a pain in the sense that I like at least a day or two notice.  A week would be awesome as I am a planner.  I hate hate hate last minute things.

Example, my mom calls me on Friday night and asks me if I want to go to the beach the next morning.  Umm, it is an hour to the beach and I don't have any foods to take or even have current bathing suits for the girls.  My mom, "Ah let's just wing it.  You don't have to plan everything!  We will buy stuff at the store on the way over and the girls can be in her diapers and/or shorts just fine!".

Umm no.  When I ask to do it for the following weekend....it is too far ahead.

Am I unreasonable?  How can I tell people politely that I like to have notice before events?  You would think by my politely refusing after several times to last minute stuff that they would get a clue.....

Some things I am ok with last minute plans, but others, I feel the need for planning time (probably stuff I don't really care to do, anyway).  It also depends on how I am feeling.  If I am feeling pulled in too many directions I am not likely to want to do last minute unplanned things.  I know how it is with kids, too.  Sometimes you are are not prepared for jumping in the car at the last minute to do something. 

[Clara Bow]

I can't do the last minute thing either and my husband's stepmother and father have had the worst time getting that through their thick skulls....they even showed up at my job one day on their way home from some event in the southern part of the state. And yes, they were expecting me to jump off work and entertain them. Thank God they were cool about going out to eat, I didn't have enough fish thawed out to feed everyone! It was awful. They continually push at us, and we continually politely refuse anything with less than a week's notice....

[Adah]

Just say, "Oh, I'm sorry but we already have made plans for tomorrow morning. Next time if you give me a little more notice, we may take you up on your offer."

[JoyinVirginia]

With little kids, I think people forget how much preparation and how much stuff you may need to tote along with child. I don't think one week is unreasonable to plan outings, but maybe you could occasionally take them up on activities closer to home that wouldn't be all day. Or compromise, suggest that you check with each other mid-week to see what weather forecast is like, what weekend plans you might want to make, what your availability is.

Another thing I started to do, when my kids were small and sometimes we would get invited to the pool on short notice or want to go to the beach if the weather was nice, is to keep a "beach/pool bag" packed all the time. I would keep bathing suits, towels, sun block, car toys, and snack crackers or raisins packed all the time. Whenever we got back from the pool or beach, I would repack it ASAP and keep it handy so I could grab it and go.
Joy in Virginia