General Etiquette > Family and Children

Underacheiving son... letter to the teachers (LONG)

(1/12) > >>

fklwmn:
Okay, I need your etiquette expertise regarding a letter I just composed to email to my son's teachers en masse.

A little background:

My son is extremely gifted. But he is also lazy. Basically he figured out in elementary school that he could get straight A's and not have to do any work. in 5th grade they finally moved him into our gifted program and there he realized he could get B's and C's without doing any work. Not as good as A's, but I guess he was happy with it since they were easy.

Enter Middle School. Not just Middle School, but Gifted Middle School. Andthe kid who hasn't done any work at school for 3 or 4 years. In this program he can't do that. The classes are on his level, which means he actually has to do the work to learn anything, and if he doesn't do the work, he can't pass the tests and therefore falls behind. And fails. Then he feels awfule for failing and is afraidt o try b/c he feels like he should be able to ace it all without trying like he always has *sigh*

In November I had a meeting with all of his teachers. He was failing pretty much all of his classes b/c of this. I hadn't seen his interim b/c he forged my signature and turned it back in so I was shocked to find out he was failing pretty much everything. By this time he was already too far behind in Math to catch up so they moved him back a level (he started out in 8th grade math, got moved back to 7th grade math). At that time we came up with a bunch of strategies (that are named in my letter so I won't mention them here.)

Basically, I am upset about a few things. The first thing is that my son essentially did NO work for almost 3 months before they contacted me. they let him get so far behind that he was unable to catch up in at least one class before letting me know. IMO, if he wasn't turning in his work, they should have let me know at the latest 3 weeks into the school year so that I could nip it in the bud and get him on track while there was still time. but I don't mention that in my letter b/c it is water under the bridge.

But since our meeting, I have not seen ANY effort from the teachers to keep up thier end of our plans. This really bothers me. Please don't develop a plan with me and then not hold up your end of the bargain! I feel like I have been working my tail off to do what I need to do and that I'm doing it all alone. And it's not doing any good b/c there is only SO much that I can doAT HOME to improve his performance AT SCHOOL. I understand that you have 130 students, but you knew that when you told me you would do these things and you still committed to them.

So... in frustration, I sat down this morning and penned this to email to his teachers (I had to hunt down their email addresses). Please take a look at it and give me your opinions. thank you thank you thank you!!


Good Morning,

I am concerned that there has not been adequate communication regarding DS1’s progress since our meeting in November. In that meeting we came up with several strategies in order to help DS1 succeed in this program. We determined that he should have his planner signed each day by his teachers so that I can make sure he is completing all of his homework. Mrs. E stated that any class work that was not completed would be given to DS1 to complete during ASE (equivalent to study hall). Finally, we determined that each of you would email me prior to interims being released to update me on DS1’s progress so that we could alter the plan if necessary.

I have not heard from any of you since that meeting, so imagine my surprise when DS1’s interim had 4 failing grades.  In addition to that, there was at least one comment on the interim about DS1 not completing and turning in his class work. I’m not sure why that is still an issue since he is supposed to be spending his time in ASE completing any work he did not finish in class. If this is not possible, then please make sure he writes the incomplete class work in his assignment planner so that I can make sure it gets done as homework.

I am working to keep up my end of the bargain, but without regular communication from DS1’s teachers I am out of the loop. I know that we all want to see DS1 succeed in this program, so I’m not sure why I have not been kept up to date with his progress. When I did not receive the email prior to interims I assumed he must have gotten himself back on track. I can’t imagine why, after the meeting we had, I would not have been notified that he was still failing 4 classes and what needs to be done to raise his grades.

Please advise if DS1 has managed to raise his grades since interim time. I would like to know if he has been turning in both homework and class work since interims and if there is some other problem that is keeping his grades down. I would like to know if it is a realistic goal for him to raise his grades between now and the end of the 9 weeks, and what he needs to do in order to accomplish this.


I am sending a copy of this email to Senorita Santiago via her school notes page because I do not have her email address. I look forward to your replies. Thank you for your dedication to J’s success.

Best Regards,
DS1's Mom

ginlyn32:
Sounds like par for the course for public schools. Teachers and school admin. basicly expect parents to be mind readers. I told my sons teachers to email me his homework assignments and they NEVER DID!

Ginger

fklwmn:
Yes. this kid should have been in gifted since 3rd grade (which I think would have pre-empted a lot of his laziness issues) and his teachers knew it. The principal told me in 2nd grade (when they should have tested him for 3rd grade admittance) they don't test kids that young for gifted b/c the test is too hard. I didn't find out until he finally got into the program in 5th grade that there are 6 classes county-wide of gifted third graders!!

In 3rd grade when they tested him he had a fever of 102 and an abscessed tooth. He missed th cut off by like 6 points in one subject (he qualified in the rest, but had to qualify across the board for placement)!!!! His principal pulled me aside and said they KNOW he should have gotten placed and that he only missed it b/c of his fever so they would test him again in 4th grade (which they did and that is when he FINALLY got placed). What she DIDN'T tell me was that we could have re-tested him for 4th grade placement!!! I found that out the next year talking to one of his classmate's mom's who had to be re-tested to get in.

Talk about mad!

Sharnita:
Wow.
Your son is lazy and he lied to you and his teachers by forging your signature, correct? There are honestly a lot of questions I'd ask you before I know if your letter/feelings are reasonable.

You say that they didn't notify you for three months, does that mean the grades he intercepted were sent out three months after the school year began?

Did your son apologize for what was basically fraud?

Is son bringing his planner to the teachers to have it signed or are you, and he, expecting them to ask him to get it out and/or track him down? I'd happily sign the planner if the kid brought it to me. By 7th or 8th grade it would be his responsibility to come to me, though. Especially if he's gifted.

Did you and/or he get a description of parental and student expectations for this program? What do they involve?

What happens next year when he is still lazy? Three years from now?

Why should he get more time to do work he chose not to do in the time originally provided?

Bob Ducca:
fklwmn, I sympathize with the situation- I know it is frustrating when any child underachieves, let alone a gifted one.  I was reading on a 10th grade level and almost failed 5th grade reading because it was so boring, and it drove my parents nuts.

That being said, I have to agree with Sharnita's post that, from a teacher's viewpoint, there is a lot of information we don't have.  I think I understand that you and the teachers came up with strategies for you to follow and the teachers to follow, but what about him?  It sounds like the breakdown of communication could be happening because your son isn't following through on his responsibilities.  I would suggest that you find out if he is participating in the plan by taking the planner to the teachers, correctly noting assignments, etc. and your e-mail could include a request that the teachers let you know if he is doing what he is supposed to do.  Perhaps a conference with his teachers and an administrator would help- sometimes teachers who are used to gifted children are unaccustomed to taking extra time on kids who are failing, so an administrator may be able to supervise them.  If you are reluctant to do that, then at least cc a copy of your e-mail to the principal.

ginlyn: Although many people disparage public school teachers, in reality most of us work very hard and try to help each student become successful; however, learning is an active process and even the best teacher can't teach a student who refuses to learn. 

Another problem is that the majority of junior high schools have teachers that specialize in one subject, meaning their student load is as much as 10 times more than that of an elementary school teacher.  While it perhaps could be reasonable to ask that an elementary classroom teacher e-mail parents homework assignments and the like, asking a secondary level teacher to do that is really going above and beyond, considering that students that age should be able to keep track of their own homework assignments.  All of the secondary schools where I have taught issue each student a free homework planner to make sure the kids can do this.  As a secondary level music teacher, I taught between 180-200 students every day.  I worked very hard to make sure each one had the opportunity to succeed.  But students have a responsibility as well...blaming the teacher isn't always the way to go.  I know there are bad, lazy teachers out there, just as there are bad, lazy parents.  Please don't generalize that we are all bad.

Navigation

[0] Message Index

[#] Next page