Signs that crack you up

[Linley]

Close to wear my father lives there is a company called Vibrascrew.

Yes, you read that right. My sense of humor doesn't usually run in the direction of the gutter but there just isn't any other way to interpret that. I start laughing every time we drive by there.

[skbenny]

Wife "What did you do today dear?"

Husband "I put in my application at Vibrascrew."

Wife, being hauled away in handcuffs after beating husband with cast-iron frying pan "Why couldn't he have just loved me?"  massive tears.

Cop "Sir, can you tell us what happened?"

Husband, bloody and bruised "I told my wife I filled out a job application......

(OK, I admit I am not Tabris )

[magiccat26]

More fun with Movie Theatre Signs

"Honey I blew"
"Three Ninjas"

Strip mall in tiny Texas town:

Donuts
Guns
Day Care

(Fun for the WHOLE family!)

At the pet store where I used to work, we had problems with unattended children.  So I put up a sign (with pictures) that said:

"Unattended children will be fed to the Snakes" - The picture was of our three, over 10 foot long, Burmese Pythons.

[TheaterDiva1]

Wife "What did you do today dear?"

Husband "I put in my application at Vibrascrew."

Wife, being hauled away in handcuffs after beating husband with cast-iron frying pan "Why couldn't he have just loved me?"  massive tears.

Cop "Sir, can you tell us what happened?"

Husband, bloody and bruised "I told my wife I filled out a job application......

(OK, I admit I am not Tabris )

That's too funny!

Signs DH has to comment on:

Pedestrian signs (usually with a stick figure and "200 ft." written below). 
DH: What?  We have 200-foot giants coming after us?

Also, we used to line hear a store called "Beer & Soda" (gee, what do they carry there?  Can I buy a diamond bracelet there?)  At one point, the "Soda" part of the sign was gone.  The sign simply said "Beer &."

Need I comment furthur?

[RainhaDoTexugo]

Pedestrian signs (usually with a stick figure and "200 ft." written below). 
DH: What?  We have 200-foot giants coming after us?

Oh, that reminds me of this one I saw on the Sunset Strip:


So let there be no confusion.

I love it.  What in the world is it supposed to mean?

ETA:  Nevermind, I see that the top of the sign is missing now

[Paper Roses]

A few miles south of where I live, there is a main route that goes through several towns.  Driving along a wooded area of it, all of a sudden you see a sign that says, "Hot Dogs, 1/4 mile"  Every time I see it, I say out loud, "Wow! A quarter mile?  I've heard of foot-longs, but . . ."

[Clarissa_Brunhilda]

In NY there was a street called "Electric Street."  Directly under the street name sign was another sign that read: "No outlet"

On a dentist's office in Brooklyn:  Dr. Yellin

A pet shop in Greenwich Village:  Fish & Cheeps

A florist in Penn Station:   Petal Pushers

[T'Mar of Vulcan]

There's a comedian who does skits on signs and what he thinks they mean as opposed to what they're supposed to mean.

For example:

GAS FOOD
(Mimes burping) "Yeah, can't get enough of that gas food..."

GAS FOOD HOSPITAL
"Aaargh! Good thing we didn't stop!"

FOOD LODGING
(Mimes choking) "Quick! Get me to the Gas food hospital!"

HILL
"What's this for? People from Iowa not familiar with the phenomenon? Oh my goodness, my car's getting higher! What's going on...? Oh, hill. Oh."

"And those signs with pictures? It's like a Rorshach test! Uh... my father sitting on a sewing machine! My car on LSD with melting tires!!"

[Miss Misery]

"Unattended children will be given a double espresso and a free puppy."


Heh-heh. 

[Miss Misery]

There was a strip club that used to have on its marquee: "Thirty Beautiful Ladies! One Ugly One."

Driving past an RV dealership on the same road as the strip club, RV dealership marquee had: "Dozens of Beautiful RVs! One Ugly One."

[RainhaDoTexugo]

I just noticed the other day that the park near my school has a "no loitering" sign.  I ask you, what is a park for, if not loitering?

[extranormal]

Aquigoth, had I put up that sign in my yard, would my horrible, loutish neighbors have been forced to go away? So simple, and yet I didn't think of it!

[White Dragon]

I used to live in Thunder Bay, Ontario.

This city is located on the shore of Lake Superior.
There is a peninsula in the lake that looks exactly like a man lying down on his back in the lake.

Not surprisingly, this feature is called "The Sleeping Giant" http://www.cbc.ca/sevenwonders/wonder_sleeping_giant.html

There was a yellow pages listing at the time for a local crane service.

Their name?

"Sleeping Giant Erections"

Really!

[White Dragon]

St. Monica, that's hilarious. Are they still around?

Sadly, not to my knowledge.
I tried to google them a while ago and found no trace of them in the online yellow pages.
Granted, they were rather hard to look for since I didn't want to attempt putting their full name into a search engine. 

I do know that I kept a copy of that local phone book for several years, simply for that ad. People didn't tend to believe me....

[Clarissa_Brunhilda]

I remembered some more....

On the center of Long Island there's a place called "Half Way Motel."   I guess it's for illicit lovers who don't want to go ALL the way?   

Years ago, one of the NYC subway ads was for the Air Force, and it showed some jet fighters with simplY the words, "Keep It Up!"   

That in itself wasn't funny, but one day a man was asleep on the subway bench directly underneath the sign....with his fly open!     (So, I'm easily amused!)