The thread about the Mom who calls last minute and wants her daughter to go to the beach plus a phone call from one of my two "let's do something else extra" friends inspires this thread. It's going to be a vent more than anything so I can get on with what I am trying to do here.
I have two friends whom I will call Julie (as in "I'm Julie, Your Cruise Director") and Arnita (because I like the sound of it). They are two people I like a lot, but whom I wish would get over the idea that they are the only friends I have. (They know they aren't the only two friends I have, but sometimes, I think they would LIKE to be.) I wish they would get over the notion that a single woman is necessarily lonely.
Julie, for example, doesn't get that because she is retired and has lots of time doesn't mean the same is true for the rest of us. She calls me all the time with new ideas that cost money and eat up both my work and free time.
Arnita is my friend outside of work. AT work, she's my boss. (I wrote about her in the All In A Day's Work thread--she's the boss who hands me something to do as I walk in, adds on thing B, wants to know when thing C is going to be done and, oh, by the way, drop all of that and do thing D.) We have several other friends we get together with (and vacation with) outside of work. In addition, she is always coming up with something ELSE to do when I have a day off from work.
Here is Julie on a typical day (excursion itinerary changed to protect ME) "Well, I got up this morning around five, went to work, got home at eleven, picked up Dad and we went to lunch, then we went to the play at X Playhouse. From there we stopped at the Y Mall and then I picked up DH's dry cleaning on the way home. I dropped Dad off, went home, made a picnic dinner and when DH got home, we went out to Z Playhouse to see the new play there. On the way home we stopped for coffee and DH mentioned that a movie we wanted to see was having a midnight showing so we went there, too. Didn't get home until two a.m. I don't know WHY I'm so tired."
Me, either. I have been to plays and movies with Julie where she fell asleep and snored so loudly no one could hear the actors on stage or on screen.
We are always flying to things when we go anywhere. I don't get out of work until five thirty. Julie can't understand that I can't just leave work because she has tickets for a play thirty miles away. We drive so fast sometimes I nearly hurl. And if we go into NYC with the idea of seeing Musical A, Julie isn't satisfied unless we also hit St. Pat's, The Disney Store, Border's Books, Zabo's and Central Park, too. I'm so stressed by the time we race into our seats at the actual play I can't enjoy it.
Julie is also last minute Luci and master of manipulation. "Are you doing anything tonight? Oh, good. I wanted to go see [name of play I would rather have root canal than see] and DH is working. I have free tickets. What time should I pick you up?" If I say no, it's "But you SAID you aren't doing anything."
Julie's other charming habit is to call and say "I was thinking of a quiet dinner this weekend. Are you interested?" Yes I am. I enjoy Julie's company, despite my complaints. So I bake a pie and head over on the appointed day--only to find out that fifteen other people are also invited (and none of them knew about each other, either) so we all end up talking and none of us really know each other, so we are kind of stuck staring...and well, you get the idea.
And then there are the "interest groups." Julie got me involved with her {name of game} club because I mentioned I liked board games. Well, I like to play the game, but I don't want a standing appointment to play it every week. Nor do I want to join the gourmet of the week club, the book club or the daily bible study class. I HAVE THINGS TO DO.
Arnita will decide that I need (or another friend needs) cheering up after a long day and will insist we go out to eat on her dime. If I say no, she pouts and makes "funny" comments for weeks about how I am so unsociable. (Never mind that we are going out the following evening with three other friends, that we have plans NEXT week as well and that she has plans for the next month for all of us.)
Every time there's something even remotely resembling what she thinks of as "an occasion", she will harp on all of us until we agree to go to dinner, often at her house. Did she replace the lamp in the kitchen? We must come and admire and stay for supper. Did someone have surgery? Party time.
If we go on vacation and have a set itinerary, Arnita keeps adding to it until we crowd out all the things we planned to do in favor of the things she has recently found to do. It's so exhausting that we come home from vacation more tired and cranky than when we left. And Arnita is the ONLY one who KNOWS anything about where we are going, even if one of us was born and raised there. ("Take a left here, we'll get to the highway faster." "It does not say that on Mapquest." "That's because Mapquest didn't live around the corner for twenty three years. TURN LEFT." "I don't think I should deviate from what it says here." Two hours later, while we are stuck in commuter traffic, she complains that I should have told her about the traffic. Suppress....urge....to....strangle.)
I'm not a wimp. I have said "No" very often. But they can't hear it. This year they were told that I will NOT be available every day as I am making an effort to a) clean out my apartment of excess crap (much of which they both have given me because they also can't hear "Please do not give me gifts, as I have no more room.") or b) I am trying very hard to finish the novel I have been writing for the last five years. (Aren't you done with that? Arnita demands. You should stop hanging out with Julie. She runs you ragged. I'm NOT making that up. Both of them think I should drop the other because they keep me too busy. Riiiigggghhhhhttttt.)
So am I an antisocial curmudgeon because I want a clean, uncluttered living space into which I can invite friends? Am I mean because I don't need to see every popular movie that comes down the pike? Am I a hermit and cold because I would rather watch a DVD at home with only the cat for company? Am I a bad person because my three BEST friends are people I only see a few times a year (despite the fact that we live fairly close by each other) and who know me better than these ladies who would have me racing around every single night of the week to fifteen different events?
Thanks for letting me vent. Now I can get back to what I was doing (cleaning out the craft area so I can actually fit a table in here) and not have this chewing at me.
As you were, e-hellions. (And feel free to leave your own lengthy stories about how people try to suck up your time. Misery loves company.)
Lily "I'm joining a cloistered convent" Such
