Proper way to wear mom's solitaire?

[Millicent63]

Good evening everyone,

My mom died recently and my sister has informed me that mom wanted me to have her diamond solitaire ("engagement ring" though she didn't receive it till about 10 years into my parents' marriage.  I still remember that night in the early 70s when dad beckoned my sister and me to the basement to "help" him wrap the tiny box. ) He died about 5 years ago.
Anyway I was shocked and honored that mom left the ring to me.  We are still and always will be devastated by her death (she was only in her late 60s; cancer) but I do find comfort in having the ring and other jewelry nearby.  I noticed today that a coworker was wearing her late mother's ring on the middle finger of her right hand.  It looked fine.  My hands are small and mom's ring is about one carat -- typical Tiffany setting, sits up sort of high --  not sure if that looks odd on my middle finger. Maybe if I wore another ring on the same hand to balanc it out.  But that seems overkill.
On the other hand it feels strange to wear it on the ring finger of either hand.  And I don't want it made into a pendant.  Just wouldn't suit me but I do love rings. 
This is not a pressing problem because it will be quite a long time before I can even look at the ring without a meltdown but she was always one to urge USING things rather than setting them aside for a mythical 'someday' so I don't want it to sit in the basement safe forever.  I could possibly stand the idea of modifying it with the addition of extra stones...maybe. Any other ideas?   Btw I am single and while not feeling exactly frisky these days, in the long run I do not want to wear the ring in a way that will discourage potential suitors. 
Thanks for letting me think aloud....

[madmusician]

I feel most comfortable having my rings on my ring fingers; in fact, I can't wear rings anywhere else. I figet and fumble with them until I go crazy and take the stupid things off.

I would put it on your right ring finger.

[Rei-chan]

Hi Millicent, and welcome to the forum. 

When my Mom passed very suddenly, my Dad gave me all her jewelry (only child here), including their wedding bands and Mom's engagement diamond.  DH and I used their bands when we got married, and since my engagement ring is a oval cut sapphire, I can't wear it on the same finger as the band.  As a result, I wear the sapphire on my right hand and Mom's ring with my wedding band (at least when water weight will allow).

Since you don't want to discourage any prospective dates, have you thought about putting the ring on a simple chain?  That way, you don't have to have it modified, and can wear it on your hand at a later date.  I had to do this with my Mom's Claddaugh ring, as it is too small for my fingers.

On a side note, I am sorry to hear about your Mom, I know how hard that is.  You may get upset by looking at it now, but one day you will be able to wear her ring with pride and a fond remembrance of her. 

[Millicent63]

Thanks, Willow.  The idea of putting it on a chain for now is a good one.

[Pixie]

I was given my Mom's wedding set when she passed.  Since my husband and I had simple gold bands.... I just had the jeweler split my band and drop Mom's setting into it.  He did a beautiful job of turning 3 rings into one.  I  wear that one ring on my left ring finger as it still includes my original wedding band, AND my husband approved of that.

  My deepest sympathy for your loss.  Losing my Mom was the hardest loss for me, and you are in my thoughts.



Edited because I forgot to add:   I believe you should do what brings you the most comfort.  It is totally up to you, and whatever comforts you is the proper thing to do.    I hope you won't mind if I say, "Bless you, and may your Mom rest in peace."   

[kherbert05]

You get to wear it any way that brings you comfort.

My sister insisted that I keep Mom's engangement diamond. I had given her all the jewlery, because I can't wear rings, watches, or bracelets (skin condition). So Sis had Mom's diamond reset in a necklace. I wear it all the time.

When our paternal grandmother died, our aunt took a setting of Mimmi's (paternal grandmother) and a diamond from Texas Nanny (Aunt's MIL a 3rd grandmother to sis and I). She had the diamond put in the setting and gave it to Sis. When Sis was very little, Mom would drop her off with Mimmi and Texas Nanny, while Mom went shopping. They would have a tea party. So having something from both of them meant a lot to Sis.

Wear it  on a ringfinger, middle finger, have it reset if you want. Do what honors her mother in your heart and brings you comfort.

[MineralDiva]

I personally would wear it on the ring finger of my right hand.  But I agree with khbert:  "Do what honors your mother in your heart and brings you comfort."

[Elly]

Hi, Millicent:

I wear my late mother's diamond ring on the middle finger of my right hand, simply because it fits the best there. I find that wearing something she loved, and that she wore for 44 years, gives me great comfort and makes me feel like she's always with me, especially when it sparkles like her eyes did. Of course, that's a personal choice.

I hope that with time you will find comfort in your mother's ring as well. I think the idea of wearing it on a chain, so that you don't have to see it but know it's there, is a great one and maybe, eventually, wear it proudly on your finger. I know that for a few months after my mom died I had trouble looking at photos of her, but, eventually, time does heal.

[kkl123]

Wear it any way you want to-- it's perfectly proper.  I will note, however, that I don't find tiffany mounts very comfortable to wear, especially on the right hand, unless the band's been shaped to your finger so it doesn't turn.  For some fingers, it's impossible to keep a band from turning.  A hearty handshake when the stone is turned toward another finger can leave you gasping for air.  Tiffany mounts also need the prongs checked fairly often -- at least once a year for a ring you wear everyday.

If you decide you don't want to wear it as a ring, or you'd like to restyle it, a manufacturing jeweler (one who actually makes jewelry, as opposed to J. Random Mall jewelry store) can remake it into a different design, reusing both the band and the stone.

I'm sorry for your loss.  I hope the ring or whatever it might become brings you some happy memories later.

[lady_disdain]

I have a similar problem.

My family has a tradition of giving the girls a diamond ring on reaching a certain milestone (I got mine on my 18th birthday, my sister on her graduation, a cousin when she overcame a health condition).

Mine has been mistaken for an engagement ring, with embarassing results (I was with an ex who wanted to be my fiance, but never got to be ...).

I usually wear mine on a middle finger. Since mine is pretty delicate, I have also worn it "stacked" with a ruby ring or a plain silver one.

[SkrunchyB]

I think it is wonderful to wear family jewelry.  I also know that any ring resembling a solitaire worn alone on either hand can and propbably will be taken for an engagement ring.  If that doesn't bother you, then great!  It can be a nice conversation starter if you're the type to chat with strangers.  If you'd rather make the connection to your mom more clear, I'd wear it on your middle finger or with another heirloom non-solitaire ring.  The right pieces won't be overwhelming unless you wear a ring on every finger.

I do not wear rings on my left hand at all.  Before I was engaged/married, I had a very tiny opal ring that I wore on my right ring finger, and in just the right light it might shine like a dull diamond.  More than once I had to correct people who assumed it was an engagement ring.  I now wear my wedding set on that same finger and even though it's on my right hand, I've rarely had anyone question whether it's my own.

Side note: DH also wears his ring on the right hand and a few people have asked if it was his father's ring, or if he were widowed, divorced, g.ay, or European.  When he tells them the story (that he wears it that way for me) the ladies occassionally swoon at his newlywed sweetness.

[Millicent63]

Thanks to everyone for the suggestions.  I think I'll make a few trial runs with it on my right hand....and thanks so much for the words of comfort.... best to all -- M