General Etiquette > Life...in general

Do NOT go through my trash. (Vent!!!)

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smarterthanu213:
As some of you know, I am 17, a freshman in college, and living with my mom.

My room is always cluttered and it drives me up the wall. Tonight I decided that I wasn't going to take it any more. I pulled out 5 trash bags full of clothes and shoes to donate to the Salvation Army and three trash bags of crap that just needs to be thrown away. Mentioned it to mom later. Bad idea!!!

She tells me that she WILL NOT allow me to donate ANYTHING to the salvation army. She doens't have a problem with them, she just wants me to keep all the crap sitting around until she gets around to having a garage sale. Because selling stuff is obviously much better than DONATING it, dontcha know. She tells me to put the SA stuff in the storage room and SHE will GO THROUGH IT to make sure I'm not getting rid of anything SHE doesn't WANT me to get rid of.

Then she tells me that I need to keep teh trash around till she HAS A CHANCE TO GO THROUGH IT and make sure I'm not throwing away anything "good".

At this point I need to point out something about me. I collect crap. I acquire it by various means, and it enters my room and clutters it up. The ONLY WAY to get rid of the clutter is to REMOVE IT PERMANENTLY FROM THE HOUSE. It either goes to SA or the trash. Because if it sits around I will end up going through it again eventually and pull out crap and re-clutter my room.

So I tell her I really don't like it when she goes through my trash. No one wants their trash snooped thru, right? I ask why she wants to go through my trash. "Because I've found things in there before that I didn't want you throwing away." I asked her what sort  of things. do you know what she said??

Undergarments, including underwear, hose, bras, etc.

Please note that this is all USED, and no one wants USED UNDERWEAR, do they?? That's just gross. I tell her it's all used and no one wants used underwear. She says it didn't look used to her. But that's so disgusting!!!!!! It makes me really uncomfortable when she goes through my trash.

I like to write down my thoughts, and I will fill a notebook half full and then it will get buried under a pile of stuff and not resurface until I throw stuff out. Private stuff, mind you. If she sees such a notebook she will pull it out, READ THE CONTENTS, and then KEEP IT. Just in case she needs it sometime. (Please note here that she is VERY well-off)

So can you see why I don't like her going through my trash? As for the SA stuff, I just want to get rid of it so it doesn't wind up back in my room. And I like donating stuff--you know, contributing to a noble cause and all. She couldn't even come up with a good reason why she didn't want me donating it.

And then you know what she said???

She thinks I must be hiding something and trying to sneak it out of the house!!!!!

I have NEVER done anything to violate her trust. I am a very quiet, shy girl. I don't drink, smoke, do drugs, party, talk back, stay out past curfew, none of the stunts that the some teenagers pull. But it feels like she's constantly punishing me for things that other kids do--she doesn't trust me. Because obviously no 17 year old is trustworthy.

Really, all I want is a little respect and decency. DON'T go through my trash, and DON'T act like I'm hiding something just because I want to get rid of all my clutter and crap.

kethria:
It could be worse... when I lived at home my mother would randomly throw away clothes that I love and had purchased with my OWN MONEY... she did this to my sister and myself, if she didn't like an item of clothing, it would go down to the laundry room and NEVER return. She did this with books, board games and all sorts of stuff. My sis and I got so we would go down to the local thrift store after we noticed something was missing and buy it back...

Suze:
Wow - I can't say too much to you about this one. 

About the trash, do you have a cat? The contents of a litter box could be quite usefull in stopping the "I will go through the trash bags"  or lacking that cleaning out the fridge could work.  Wet garbage like rotten milk would work well I think.

That is, unless Mom LIKES going through stinky garbage.

The notebooks --

invest in a paper shreder and remove private thoughts from it and shred them. (I suggest a cross cut, If she really has to read your thoughts, she will have to WORK for them.) Then she can have the rest of the notebook. either that or take them to school with you and dispose of them there. 

about the clothes --

If you can't get them all out of the house at once (like when she is not at home) a backpack or two at a time might work.  It is amazing what you can fit in a grocery bag if you work at it.

I agree --  Who wants used underwear?  ICK

IndianInlaw:
Do what prison escapees do...double dress.

Wear whatever you want to discard UNDER your regula clothes...then go out to some ladies room, and toss the stuff you don't want.

JoyinVirginia:
Use small plastic grocery bags to put trash in, take out a small bag and dump it at school when you get there. Throw out your notebooks there.  Does your mom have any hoarding tendencies?
joy in Virginia

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