A birthday party for a dead person with a bunch of people who never met the dead person?!?! Wow .
That's a first!
I definitely think Dee was out of line to continue to question you about attending! The original email to her should have been the end of it. I also think it's odd to invite people who never knew the deceased to attend a 'birthday' celebration for that person, but I have heard of it before! I have actually been wanting to share this story on eHell for awhile, but didn't think it was worth it's own thread, so I'm going to include it here, hope it's not threadjacking.
When I first started going out with my DH, my February birthday came around about two months later. We were out celebrating it, and one of his best friends "Will" commented that his deceased father "Sam" and I shared the same birthday. Fast forward about five years, it was February and birthday time for me again. I have never been one to make a big deal of my birthday, and this one happened to fall on a Monday. A week or so before, my DH kept bugging me about what we were going to do that night. I said I didn't care, it was a Monday and it was just going to be a normal work day and evening at home as far as I was concerned.
On Sunday, DH tells me that Will and his wife had invited us and some other friends to their house on Monday because they really wanted to celebrate my birthday. Since my own family and friends have never been the type to make a big deal of adult birthdays, I was quite flattered by this so I agreed to go.
After work on Monday, I ran home and changed and headed over to Will's, once again thinking how nice it was for my DH's friends to do this for me. I walk in and everyone acts perfectly normal, no "Happy Birthdays" or anything like that, but that was fine. Then I noticed the cake. A birthday cake for me, I thought! I haven't had my own birthday cake in years! I go over to look at the cake and to my surprise, it said "Happy 100th Birthday to Sam" Then it hit me, the party wasn't for me at all. It was a 100th birthday party for Will's long deceased father. On top of that, other than DH, no one even knew or remembered it was my birthday at all. DH tricked me because he knew I wouldn't go otherwise and he wanted to go. I was not very happy with him, although I ended up having a decent time anyway. But I did find it odd to have a birthday party for someone that had passed away a long time ago, and no one at the party other than Will had ever even met the man.