First of all, sincere condolences to weaslefrance on the loss of Dad. These things are never easy.
Given the way the obsequies are arranged, I agree that Ruby is very rude to Include Linda and Tony in everything.
It's interesting how different funeral customs are among different groups of people.
My tradition is Catholic, Irish and German in southern NY state. Here, wakes are what others call visitations and take place before the funeral and burial. The wake is held at a funeral home and anyone may attend. Because of state laws, food and drink may not be served to people attending the wake. That eliminates a lot of moochers.
Because Catholic and mainstream Protestant churches are usually open during the day for private prayer, anyone may attend the actual funeral. They just sit in the back of the church. They may also attend the burial if they so choose. After all, the cemetery is a public space.
The meal after the burial is a very different thing. It's usually a fairly small gathering of no more than 10 or 15 people. There are no formal invitations. It's more a case of, 'Jane and Jim, we'll be going out to Dad's favorite cafe for lunch after the ceremonies. Would you like to join us? Everyone will be paying their own way'.
The meal after the burial is something very different. No formal invitations