Author Topic: I Never Met Your Mother  (Read 3340 times)

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greencat

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Re: I Never Met Your Mother
« Reply #15 on: September 23, 2014, 07:36:03 PM »
I tend to prefer more honesty than "I have plans" when I don't actually have plans and simply don't want to attend the event because of the type of event.

"Thanks for the invite, but (event) isn't my thing.  Have fun!"  It still avoids sending the impolite "I don't want to spend any time in your company" message.

I think your coworker was pretty rude for pushing you about declining.  If I have to repeat myself because the other person evidently didn't find my answer acceptable, it makes me angry.

purple

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Re: I Never Met Your Mother
« Reply #16 on: September 23, 2014, 08:03:25 PM »
A birthday party for a dead person with a bunch of people who never met the dead person?!?! Wow  :o.

That's a first!


Ginger G

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Re: I Never Met Your Mother
« Reply #17 on: September 24, 2014, 02:06:21 PM »
Quote
A birthday party for a dead person with a bunch of people who never met the dead person?!?! Wow  .

That's a first!



I definitely think Dee was out of line to continue to question you about attending!  The original email to her should have been the end of it.  I also think it's odd to invite people who never knew the deceased to attend a 'birthday' celebration for that person, but I have heard of it before!  I have actually been wanting to share this story on eHell for awhile, but didn't think it was worth it's own thread, so I'm going to include it here, hope it's not threadjacking.

When I first started going out with my DH, my February birthday came around about two months later.  We were out celebrating it, and one of his best friends "Will" commented that his deceased father "Sam" and I shared the same birthday.  Fast forward about five years, it was February and birthday time for me again.  I have never been one to make a big deal of my birthday, and this one happened to fall on a Monday.  A week or so before, my DH kept bugging me about what we were going to do that night.  I said I didn't care, it was a Monday and it was just going to be a normal work day and evening at home as far as I was concerned.   

On Sunday, DH tells me that Will and his wife had invited us and some other friends to their house on Monday because they really wanted to celebrate my birthday.   Since my own family and friends have never been the type to make a big deal of adult birthdays, I was quite flattered by this so I agreed to go.

After work on Monday, I ran home and changed and headed over to Will's, once again thinking how nice it was for my DH's friends to do this for me.  I walk in and everyone acts perfectly normal, no "Happy Birthdays" or anything like that, but that was fine.  Then I noticed the cake.  A birthday cake for me, I thought!  I haven't had my own birthday cake in years!  I go over to look at the cake and to my surprise, it said "Happy 100th Birthday to Sam"  Then it hit me, the party wasn't for me at all.  It was a 100th birthday party for Will's long deceased father.  On top of that, other than DH, no one even knew or remembered it was my birthday at all.  DH tricked me because he knew I wouldn't go otherwise and he wanted to go.  I was not very happy with him, although I ended up having a decent time anyway.  But I did find it odd to have a birthday party for someone that had passed away a long time ago, and no one at the party other than Will had ever even met the man.

Kaypeep

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Re: I Never Met Your Mother
« Reply #18 on: September 24, 2014, 02:10:11 PM »
Quote
A birthday party for a dead person with a bunch of people who never met the dead person?!?! Wow  .

That's a first!



I definitely think Dee was out of line to continue to question you about attending!  The original email to her should have been the end of it.  I also think it's odd to invite people who never knew the deceased to attend a 'birthday' celebration for that person, but I have heard of it before!  I have actually been wanting to share this story on eHell for awhile, but didn't think it was worth it's own thread, so I'm going to include it here, hope it's not threadjacking.

When I first started going out with my DH, my February birthday came around about two months later.  We were out celebrating it, and one of his best friends "Will" commented that his deceased father "Sam" and I shared the same birthday.  Fast forward about five years, it was February and birthday time for me again.  I have never been one to make a big deal of my birthday, and this one happened to fall on a Monday.  A week or so before, my DH kept bugging me about what we were going to do that night.  I said I didn't care, it was a Monday and it was just going to be a normal work day and evening at home as far as I was concerned.   

On Sunday, DH tells me that Will and his wife had invited us and some other friends to their house on Monday because they really wanted to celebrate my birthday.   Since my own family and friends have never been the type to make a big deal of adult birthdays, I was quite flattered by this so I agreed to go.

After work on Monday, I ran home and changed and headed over to Will's, once again thinking how nice it was for my DH's friends to do this for me.  I walk in and everyone acts perfectly normal, no "Happy Birthdays" or anything like that, but that was fine.  Then I noticed the cake.  A birthday cake for me, I thought!  I haven't had my own birthday cake in years!  I go over to look at the cake and to my surprise, it said "Happy 100th Birthday to Sam"  Then it hit me, the party wasn't for me at all.  It was a 100th birthday party for Will's long deceased father.  On top of that, other than DH, no one even knew or remembered it was my birthday at all.  DH tricked me because he knew I wouldn't go otherwise and he wanted to go.  I was not very happy with him, although I ended up having a decent time anyway.  But I did find it odd to have a birthday party for someone that had passed away a long time ago, and no one at the party other than Will had ever even met the man.

How bizarre.  I suppose we should be grateful these aren't gift grab parties, at least, and no one is expecting guests to bring gifts in honor of the late "guests of honor".   :-\

Venus193

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Re: I Never Met Your Mother
« Reply #19 on: September 24, 2014, 02:33:29 PM »
That would be beyond the pale.  The whole idea of this is as far as I'm concerned.

FoxPaws

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Re: I Never Met Your Mother
« Reply #20 on: September 24, 2014, 02:43:17 PM »
How bizarre.  I suppose we should be grateful these aren't gift grab parties, at least, and no one is expecting guests to bring gifts in honor of the late "guests of honor".   :-\
Yet.  ;) ;D

Unfortunately, I've been on this site too long not to imagine the crowd funding plea that reads, "As you may or may not know, it was my Dad's dream to give me luxury item/exotic vacation/lifestyle choice, but he passed before he could do it. Won't you all help me carry out his last wish by donating so I can honor his memory."  >:D
I am so a lady. And if you say I'm not, I'll slug you. - Cindy Brady

Kiwipinball

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Re: I Never Met Your Mother
« Reply #21 on: September 24, 2014, 03:08:28 PM »
I tend to prefer more honesty than "I have plans" when I don't actually have plans and simply don't want to attend the event because of the type of event.

"Thanks for the invite, but (event) isn't my thing.  Have fun!"  It still avoids sending the impolite "I don't want to spend any time in your company" message.


I prefer this too if it can be done without hurting feelings.  I think this is easier if you're being invited along to something.  For example, two of my friends enjoy listening to live music at bars sometimes and invited me along.  I don't enjoy live music, and told them that.  They then knew to not keep asking me and didn't feel like I was constantly rejecting them when it's just the events that aren't my cup of tea.  And in return, I don't get hurt if they do something like that "without" me.  Perfect.

I think that's harder when it's an event specifically organized by the inviter.  A party or excursion that they have planned and are excited about.  In those cases I think a vague "I have plans" is better.  And hey, just because your plans are "anything other than going to horrible event," doesn't mean they're not plans.  :)

BeagleMommy

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Re: I Never Met Your Mother
« Reply #22 on: September 24, 2014, 04:08:02 PM »
Kiwipinball,

Dee is one of my coworkers.  I have never socialized with her outside of work because, frankly, we have nothing in common and I just find her off putting.  She has a higher position than me, but is not a supervisor.  Most of my coworkers are not attending because they teach until 4:30 and then spend another 2 hours at home correcting papers/preparing for the next class.

This is the first invitation of this type I've seen.  My office usually does not invite coworkers to personal events outside of work.

kategillian

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Re: I Never Met Your Mother
« Reply #23 on: September 24, 2014, 04:17:53 PM »
Ginger C, your husband tricked you into doing something that HE wanted to do on YOUR birthday? Um...

Kiwipinball

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Re: I Never Met Your Mother
« Reply #24 on: September 24, 2014, 06:51:43 PM »
BeagleMommy - well that's just weird then.  I can understand wanting some support on what might be a difficult day (although referring to it as a birthday party is a little odd) but I find it bizarre to invite people to whom neither the deceased nor the host were/are particularly close to.  And even worse that she'd interrogate you about what you're doing.  I'm guessing this hasn't dramatically improved your opinion of her for the better.  :)

Mergatroyd

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Re: I Never Met Your Mother
« Reply #25 on: September 24, 2014, 06:59:01 PM »
Ginger C, your husband tricked you into doing something that HE wanted to do on YOUR birthday? Um...

My thoughts exactly.

Ginger G

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Re: I Never Met Your Mother
« Reply #26 on: September 25, 2014, 10:06:19 AM »
LOL, it does sound bad but he honestly thought he was doing something nice for me, getting me out of the house on my birthday!  DH is a very social person, much more than me, so he doesn't always get that I'm perfectly content to stay home, even on my birthday.  We usually do pretty good at comprising between going out and staying home.

kategillian

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Re: I Never Met Your Mother
« Reply #27 on: September 26, 2014, 06:48:37 AM »
LOL, it does sound bad but he honestly thought he was doing something nice for me, getting me out of the house on my birthday!  DH is a very social person, much more than me, so he doesn't always get that I'm perfectly content to stay home, even on my birthday.  We usually do pretty good at comprising between going out and staying home.


Oh! Well, that's good :)

DanaJ

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Re: I Never Met Your Mother
« Reply #28 on: September 26, 2014, 05:11:57 PM »
A birthday party for a dead person with a bunch of people who never met the dead person?!?! Wow  :o.

And for a decedent who died seven years ago, no less. I would find it oddly morbid, actually.

I tend to prefer more honesty than "I have plans" when I don't actually have plans and simply don't want to attend the event because of the type of event.

For me it depends on how personal the event is. For example, I was invited for a group outing to a "Dock and Boat Show" where you can see the latest model of speed boats, yachts, and sport fishing gear. Not my cup of tea, and I had no troulbe declining and adding "Thank you so much for the invitation. I'm not much of a boat person myself, but I hope the rest of you have a wonderful time!" That way the organizer would know that they don't need to invite me again next year when the annual event comes back to town.

But if it was an invitation to someone's house for dinner or a party an event that's more personal in nature and hosting duties I think it's okay to decline and add "I'm afraid I have other plans" even if my other plans are "to be anywhere but that party."