Author Topic: A little care with this one  (Read 16665 times)

0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.

jimithing

  • Super Hero!
  • ****
  • Posts: 19737
  • Life Is Too Short to Wear a Bad Outfit!
Re: A little care with this one
« Reply #30 on: October 02, 2007, 11:55:43 AM »
I guess i don't understand how offering bean dip is any different than saying, "So, how 'bout those Mets?"  For me, they are one and the same.

Actually, I think that that line often comes across as condescending/patronizing as well. I'm equal opportunity that way. ;D

Me, too, in just the opposite direction!  :D

blahblahblah

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 1994
Re: A little care with this one
« Reply #31 on: October 02, 2007, 12:07:54 PM »
Me, too, in just the opposite direction!  :D

This can only mean one thing, then.

Steel cage death match!

jimithing

  • Super Hero!
  • ****
  • Posts: 19737
  • Life Is Too Short to Wear a Bad Outfit!
Re: A little care with this one
« Reply #32 on: October 02, 2007, 12:09:30 PM »
Me, too, in just the opposite direction!  :D

This can only mean one thing, then.

Steel cage death match!

LOL!  You're on!

demetra

  • Guest
Re: A little care with this one
« Reply #33 on: October 02, 2007, 12:13:56 PM »
I'll bring the bean dip!

RubyTuesday

  • Guest
Re: A little care with this one
« Reply #34 on: October 02, 2007, 12:14:07 PM »
Quote
I guess i don't understand how offering bean dip is any different than saying, "So, how 'bout those Mets?"  For me, they are one and the same.


Actually, I think that that line often comes across as condescending/patronizing as well. I'm equal opportunity that way.


I agree. Any abrupt conversation change meant to signal to one or more people, "You're out of line," is not cool. I would hear/see this and think, since when did you become the referee?

Politely and subtlely changing the topic in real life can be very effective, and, if done right, it doesn't treat the other party in a condescending way. Or, if a person really won't let up, I think you could be more obvious about it, like a previous poster mentioned she did with a friend's husband, and people will sometimes think it's funny. On a forum, though, I agree it comes across as high-handed.

jimithing

  • Super Hero!
  • ****
  • Posts: 19737
  • Life Is Too Short to Wear a Bad Outfit!
Re: A little care with this one
« Reply #35 on: October 02, 2007, 12:20:26 PM »
I guess that again, this is one of those situations where no matter what you say, someone will be offended and not take it the way it was intended.  The example Shores gave where I asked them to please take the conversation to a PM, someone could have been offended by that request.  Someone is going to be offended by offering bean dip, or changing the subject like in the dog example.  It's inevitable.  I don't think that we're all going to be able to agree on the right way to do this.

I do report threads to the mods when they get out of control.  The mods are great, but they have lives too, and aren't always able to address the situation immediately.  Going back to the OP's suggestion of just not reading the thread, that's fine if it's clear that the thread is going to be a hot topic.  But when the conversation was about Kanye West, Big Brother, eating out of a jar, etc., these are conversations that I want to participate in, and were going fine until someone comes along and creates drama. 

As a member of this forum, I think that it's fine to interject and ask people if they would mind breaking it up so that we can go back to the conversation, and to do that in whatever way they feel comfortable, as long as it's not intended to be rude or snarky.

blahblahblah

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 1994
Re: A little care with this one
« Reply #36 on: October 02, 2007, 12:25:29 PM »
I'll bring the bean dip!

Is this a good time to point out that I really hate bean dip? (I'm not a huge fan of any sort of beans that don't have the words "Boston" and "baked" in front of them.)

I think we need to change this line to "sour cream."

demetra

  • Guest
Re: A little care with this one
« Reply #37 on: October 02, 2007, 01:11:09 PM »
I hate sour cream ;)

Except when you mix about 12 oz of melted bittersweet chocolate with 1 2/3 cups sour cream and use it to frost a chocolate cake.

JoieGirl7

  • Super Hero!
  • ****
  • Posts: 7419
Re: A little care with this one
« Reply #38 on: October 02, 2007, 01:22:36 PM »
I guess that again, this is one of those situations where no matter what you say, someone will be offended and not take it the way it was intended.

I don't think that's true at all.
 
The problem is clarity.  While the bean dip thing means that to you, unless it is something common (which until this folder it has not bean), it is nonesense to someone else and that confusion adds to the problem rather than resolving it.
 
Certainly some people will be offended by anything you say.  But the clearer you are in what you say, the better the chance another person has of knowing just what your intent is.
 
In the heat of debate it might be better to be clear than cute.

DottyG

  • Super Hero!
  • ****
  • Posts: 18204
Re: A little care with this one
« Reply #39 on: October 02, 2007, 01:41:29 PM »
I guess that again, this is one of those situations where no matter what you say, someone will be offended and not take it the way it was intended.

I don't think that's true at all.
 
The problem is clarity.  While the bean dip thing means that to you, unless it is something common (which until this folder it has not bean), it is nonesense to someone else and that confusion adds to the problem rather than resolving it.
 
Certainly some people will be offended by anything you say.  But the clearer you are in what you say, the better the chance another person has of knowing just what your intent is.
 
In the heat of debate it might be better to be clear than cute.

I agree completely with this.  There are times when being cute (especially when it's been pointed out that it's really not being taken that way by the people you're saying it to) fuels the fire rather than helps solve the problem.  This phrase, as it's been pointed out several times now by several people ISN'T helping and is, actually, making things worse.

And, I love your little Freudian slip above. ;)


blue2000

  • It is never too late to be what you might have been
  • Super Hero!
  • ****
  • Posts: 6862
  • Two kitties - No waiting. And no sleeping either.
Re: A little care with this one
« Reply #40 on: October 02, 2007, 02:43:50 PM »
I don't find the 'bean dip' comment personally offensive. To me it is more of a way of saying 'we ALL need to cool it'. The poster is not IMO, pointing out any one offender, just mentioning that it has gotten a little too warm in the thread. And agreeing to disagree does not work unless the other person agrees to it. ;D

Mentioning the 'coke rule' is more irritating to me because it is meant for one person. If you have a problem with just one person in the discussion, you should quietly report it to the mods, not insult them by telling them they need a coke (or you need one after talking to them). That is just not going to help.

Redirecting the conversation (What kind of dog do you have?) is OK most of the time, but I've been mildly offended by that one too. If I am trying to answer a poster or make a point in a valid thread, and someone keeps redirecting things right from the beginning, I'm going to want to smack them. At least wait until the topic has been thoroughly discussed!

My vote (if we are voting) goes for someone who is not in any of the arguments saying 'OK, lets all keep it civil, guys'. Short and to the point, no translation necessary.
You are only young once. After that you have to think up some other excuse.

DottyG

  • Super Hero!
  • ****
  • Posts: 18204
Re: A little care with this one
« Reply #41 on: October 02, 2007, 03:01:33 PM »
My vote (if we are voting) goes for someone who is not in any of the arguments saying 'OK, lets all keep it civil, guys'. Short and to the point, no translation necessary.

I'm of the thinkin' that I might vote for this one.


Shoo

  • Super Hero!
  • ****
  • Posts: 16393
Re: A little care with this one
« Reply #42 on: October 02, 2007, 03:02:34 PM »
My vote (if we are voting) goes for someone who is not in any of the arguments saying 'OK, lets all keep it civil, guys'. Short and to the point, no translation necessary.

I'm of the thinkin' that I might vote for this one.



This would be better coming from a moderator, I think.

DottyG

  • Super Hero!
  • ****
  • Posts: 18204
Re: A little care with this one
« Reply #43 on: October 02, 2007, 03:06:15 PM »
My vote (if we are voting) goes for someone who is not in any of the arguments saying 'OK, lets all keep it civil, guys'. Short and to the point, no translation necessary.

I'm of the thinkin' that I might vote for this one.



This would be better coming from a moderator, I think.

Hmmmm...you might have a point, too.  Partially retract my "agree" then. :D


Vegemite Girl

  • Guest
Re: A little care with this one
« Reply #44 on: October 02, 2007, 03:16:53 PM »
I may have the wrong end of the stick, but I thought - IRL conversations, anyway - the bean dip comment wasn't a way of saying "let's all cool down" but rather putting a definate end to a line of enquiry, such as:

Inquisitive A: "Why haven't you lost weight/put your child in daycare/gotten married?"
Harrassed B: "Sorry, I don't want to discuss this."
Inquisitive A: "But you really should... (etc etc)"
Harrassed B: 'No, I'm sorry, I'm not going to discuss that with you."
Inquisitive A: "But you have to lose weight/put your child in daycare/get married!"
Harrassed B: "I don't want to discuss this. Here - have you tried the bean dip?"

In other words, I always thought it was simply deflection onto another topic, rather than an actual word-for-word line to be used. (As someone else said, it sounds silly when there actually is no bean dip...)