Help write a script

[NotCinderell]

So, the next time she wants to do something, go ahead and schedule it, and then cancel before she can. If she's understanding, it might indicate that she cancels for legitimate reasons and assumes you are doing the same. If she gets completely bent out of shape, it might suggest she does it as a power move, and doesn't like you taking that power away from her.

Totally PA and rude.

[queelob]

People who double-book their social schedule seem to me to be somewhat desperate.  They are afraid that if they don't set up "just in case" arrangements, they will end up being left alone.  They may feel they need to be the center of attention.  I'd say that it is entirely appropriate to gently call her on the frequent cancellations, reminding her that your time is valuable.

Here's another idea.  When she asks if you'd like to do something, suggest making it a group outing.  Politely ask, "Would it be ok if I invite my friend/sister/neighbor so-and-so to come too?"  Then, you've got someone to go with even if she cancels at the last minute.  If (and when) she cancels, gently remind her that you'll be going with so-and-so, and you're sorry she won't be able to make it.  You may just see a dramatic drop in her scheduling of activities she doesn't actually intend on attending (unless her A-list activity falls through). 

"It's not always about you" is a tough message to get across politely, but I think it can be done.  It is no kindness to feed an attention addict. 

[eclecticgrrl]

Since the new topic of "Etiquette School Is In Session" has been launched, I have an idea I have been thinking about for a while.  It would be a folder where people could post a story about a situation they are having where they need to have a certain conversation with someone, but are not sure how to phrase it.  Dr. Phil does this in one of his advice columns, and I find his scripts to be a great model of how difficult conversations should go.

First post, so I hope I'm doing it right...

I have a situation where I'm not sure what an appropriate introduction would be.

My daughter is pregnant and we are having a (family) baby shower for her next month.  She's not dating the baby's father anymore and his parents are having a really hard time with whole concept of the pregnancy.  She's not sure how to approach them since they're refusing to talk to her and asked me if I would invite his mother to the shower as a gesture of goodwill and inclusion.

Okay, that seems like it could be a nice ice-breaker, as long as they don't see it as a gift-grab.  So clearly, I need to include a note with the shower invitation.  Something along the lines of "I'm the honoree's mom and wanted to introduce myself and invite you to cross six states to be at a baby shower for a child you're pretending doesn't exist."  Only, you know, without the snark. 

Mostly I want a note that says "this invitation is meant mostly to open a door."  Any suggestions?

[queelob]

Mostly I want a note that says "this invitation is meant mostly to open a door."  Any suggestions?

I would suggest asking to take her to lunch before inviting to the shower.  No matter how politely the note is worded, she may take it for a gift grab.  I would send her a letter saying something along the lines of, "I know  DD and DS are no longer a couple, but before too long we will be grandmothers.  I would like to get to know you better before the baby arrives."

[retreadbride]

Combine the script with these tools:
Dress rehearsal
The Mirror

The two above allow you to perfect the script until you're comfortable with it, and to screw up your courage if necessary.

[caranfin]

I don't think the baby shower is the best place to open this door. I'd try to arrange some kind of meeting before that.