Author Topic: A little care with this one  (Read 16239 times)

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JoieGirl7

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Re: A little care with this one
« Reply #60 on: October 04, 2007, 10:34:54 PM »
I really can't stand the random "have you tried the bean dip?" in the middle of a debate because its so blantantly OBVIOUS and smacks of superiority. Why do you get to determine that this conversation needs to stop? In real life, no one would randomly say "Have you tried the bean dip" unless there was.... bean dip. What started out as a suggestion and a TACTIC has become this trite response that personally, I just roll my eyes at and ignore. In real life, you would gently steer conversation based on what is actually at hand. The above scenario with the dogs was perfect. You nuetralize the situation without coming across as condescending.

I don't take it as a way to get the conversation to stop, completely.  Just as a reminder to breathe and that it's just a topic of discussion, not a life or death matter.

Because it's what we call a "polite fiction."  It's a way of redirecting without being confrontational.

I can understand redirecting in real life.  But on a thread the topic is what the topic is.
 
In cases where things become heated, the direct approach would really work the best because it is clear and it doesn't have a vibe of "stop talking about that."
 
Using it in real life is fine.  Heated debate is not appropriate for a party or other casual gathering.  And using it to deflect someone who is keeping after you about one particular topic is another good use.
 
But, these are discussion boards and they are organized according to topic.  So, it doens't make sense to say in effect, stop talking about that, talk about something esle.  Better to say, this is getting a little heated, maybe we should all step back a bit.
 
Plus, if one doesn't want to be part of the debate, they don't have to be; if one doesn't like the discussion, they don't have to read it.  If one would like to participate but is uncomfortable with the tone of the discussion, they could include that in their post.
 
The great advantage we have in this being an online endeavor is that we are not in the same room with everyone and can instantly do something else.
 
The great disadvantage is that not being able to read body language or hear a tone of voice leads to misunderstandings.
 
Clarity really is more important than trying to be cute.  In real life, that is not the case.  You can walk up to someone and say something like the bean dip line to defuse things and instantly see if your line has done its job or made it worse.  On the forum it is not so instantaneous.
 
Frankly, I could do without this particular line on the boards.

Bob Ducca

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Re: A little care with this one
« Reply #61 on: October 05, 2007, 08:41:50 AM »
I'm a little worried now . . .  :-[

A little while back I posted a topic and after the matter was resolved (IRL not on the board) I basically said I was bowing out of the discussion. I said something along the lines of 'I was feeling snarky and didn't want to antagonize anyone. I considered the matter resolved but the forum was free to continue debating amongst themselves.'

Was I rude or melodramatic or flouncy? Honestly I don't know! I was trying to bow out of the conversation gracefully before I DID say something snarky or rude.

Really, it is all in how you do it.  If it is, "You guys are all idiots for not agreeing with me, so I'm not going to grace you with my presence anymore," then that is (in my opinion) unacceptable.  If it is, "We're not going to agree on this, so I'm out, but good luck!" then that is different.  I know that there are many different ways to handle the "I'm out" posts, and I guess I keep seeing the former posts, but those are mostly in the threads that have become the most heated.

blahblahblah

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Re: A little care with this one
« Reply #62 on: October 05, 2007, 05:30:22 PM »
I really hate this line...

Twik

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Re: A little care with this one
« Reply #63 on: October 06, 2007, 12:16:05 AM »
I'm a little worried now . . .  :-[

A little while back I posted a topic and after the matter was resolved (IRL not on the board) I basically said I was bowing out of the discussion. I said something along the lines of 'I was feeling snarky and didn't want to antagonize anyone. I considered the matter resolved but the forum was free to continue debating amongst themselves.'

Was I rude or melodramatic or flouncy? Honestly I don't know! I was trying to bow out of the conversation gracefully before I DID say something snarky or rude.

Really, it is all in how you do it.  If it is, "You guys are all idiots for not agreeing with me, so I'm not going to grace you with my presence anymore," then that is (in my opinion) unacceptable.  If it is, "We're not going to agree on this, so I'm out, but good luck!" then that is different.  I know that there are many different ways to handle the "I'm out" posts, and I guess I keep seeing the former posts, but those are mostly in the threads that have become the most heated.

There comes a point, particularly on internet threads, when one has said all one has to say. It's usually best to stop talking then.

The trouble with announcing that you're through with a thread is that, 9 times out of 10, someone will later on add something that you just HAVE to comment on, and you will look rather foolish coming back in after a "goodbye, cruel thread" announcement. (Twik says, blushing slightly with the memories...)
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blue2000

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Re: A little care with this one
« Reply #64 on: October 06, 2007, 02:30:02 PM »
There comes a point, particularly on internet threads, when one has said all one has to say. It's usually best to stop talking then.

The trouble with announcing that you're through with a thread is that, 9 times out of 10, someone will later on add something that you just HAVE to comment on, and you will look rather foolish coming back in after a "goodbye, cruel thread" announcement. (Twik says, blushing slightly with the memories...)

Or the person you are arguing with can't let it go, and has to comment on your goodbye comment. ::)

That is one of the unfortunate things about the internet. I'm used to walking away from people who won't stop arguing. If there is no one there to talk to, they shut up (they might still disagree with me, but at least they keep it to themselves). On here, I can 'walk away' and they still keep going!

Now I try to stay away from the thread if it looks like the arguments are going to start going around in circles. Much better for the ol' blood pressure.
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Venovel

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Re: A little care with this one
« Reply #65 on: October 06, 2007, 10:48:25 PM »
The version of "okay, that was awkward/irritating, let's change the subject now" that I use is "So, how about that Lakers game?"

When spoken around the group of friends that the phrase was born of, as it were, it tends to cause uncontrollable laughter and instantly defuses any tension.  When the phrase was first uttered in that group, there wasn't actually any kind of argument or disagreement going on at all . . . it just was one of those very long pauses in conversation where nobody could apparently think of anything to say.  The random silliness of the phrase lingers on.  :D

To this day, I still use the phrase solely to cover awkward pauses in the conversation.  If I want to actually change the subject, I'll usually say so pretty directly.

Elle

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Re: A little care with this one
« Reply #66 on: October 07, 2007, 11:09:24 AM »
There comes a point, particularly on internet threads, when one has said all one has to say. It's usually best to stop talking then.

The trouble with announcing that you're through with a thread is that, 9 times out of 10, someone will later on add something that you just HAVE to comment on, and you will look rather foolish coming back in after a "goodbye, cruel thread" announcement. (Twik says, blushing slightly with the memories...)

Or the person you are arguing with can't let it go, and has to comment on your goodbye comment. ::)

That is one of the unfortunate things about the internet. I'm used to walking away from people who won't stop arguing. If there is no one there to talk to, they shut up (they might still disagree with me, but at least they keep it to themselves). On here, I can 'walk away' and they still keep going!

Now I try to stay away from the thread if it looks like the arguments are going to start going around in circles. Much better for the ol' blood pressure.

Yeah I never actually went back to the thread to see if anyone ever responded to my 'goodbye' post. It was hard.

At any rate, lest *I* cause this to become further off topic I'll simply close with:
"How 'bout them Steelers?"  :)