Married couples: How do you LIKE to be addressed?

[veryfluffy]

The best way to address things is one of the most frequent questions on here. Although the traditional form is "Mr and Mrs Hisname Lastname", a lot of people find this uncomfortable. I thought it would be interesting to find how how, regardless of what is traditional or technically correct, people would prefer that they were addressed.

[RandomAngel]

Technically I know this is nonstandard at best, but as a woman who intends to someday change her last name (but not her first, for crying out loud!) it would absolutely be my preference:

Mr Hisname and Mrs Hername Lastname

[MsEva]

I voted "other". I took DH's last name when we married and I'm really not that particular on how we are addressed. I'm just thrilled if they get the name spelled correctly.

[Shoo]

I voted "other."  I prefer that titles be left off, when addressing us.  I am happy with:

Hisname and Hername Theirlastname

The Mr. and Mrs. stuff just gets confusing.  If titles must be used, I'm okay with Mr. and Mrs. Hisname Lastname, just for the sake of brevity.

[J-M]

My first post here, but I feel very strongly about this so I have to weigh in.

I kept my maiden name when we married and added his last name as well - so I'm Jenn maiden name married name. I don't care if you call me by my maiden name or by my married name, just don't call me Mrs. Matt hislastname. I didn't change my first name when I married him, and almost didn't change my last name either. I refuse to open mail addressed that way (it's usually junk, so doesn't matter). Hubby usually ends up opening it and deals with anything actually legit - while giving the addressee the quiet head's up that I have my own identity.

[Chartreuse]

Mr. and Mrs. Lastname is probably the easiest route to go, gives us equal billing, etc.  For the same reasons, I'm also a fan of the Mr. Hisname and Mrs. Hername Lastname method.  Non standard, but still confusing why it's not the normal way to go?

[veryfluffy]

Sorry, a couple of the options were a bit confusing, so I fixed them -- hope this doesn't mess up anyone's votes!

[MsEva]

My first post here, but I feel very strongly about this so I have to weigh in.

I kept my maiden name when we married and added his last name as well - so I'm Jenn maiden name married name. I don't care if you call me by my maiden name or by my married name, just don't call me Mrs. Matt hislastname. I didn't change my first name when I married him, and almost didn't change my last name either. I refuse to open mail addressed that way (it's usually junk, so doesn't matter). Hubby usually ends up opening it and deals with anything actually legit - while giving the addressee the quiet head's up that I have my own identity.

Welcome to the forum!

FYI, proper etiquette is actually Mrs. hisfirstname hislastname. Do the people that send the legit mail know ahead of time your preference? I only ask because if I'm not sure then I will always err on the side of proper etiquette. Especially since I have never felt that I became any less an individual since I've been married, I just don't think on those lines. Of course if I am then politely informed that the addressee prefers something different I will try my darndest to address them the way that they like.

[Ulla dances in a silly way]

Well, I'm not married yet, but I for one despise "Mr. and Mrs. Leo Bloom." My name isn't Leo, I'm Ulla. I would much rather people adresss us as "Leo and Ulla Bloom," or, if formality persists "Mr. Leo and Mrs. Ulla Bloom."

As is, I'm planning on keeo all my names and adding his on the end. So in spirit of keeping with my board name theme, I'll be Ulla Inka Hanson Benson Yanson Tallen Hallen Swadon Swanson Bloom. Hehe.

-Ulla Inka Hanson Benson Yanson Tallen Hallen Swadon Swanson

[J-M]

My first post here, but I feel very strongly about this so I have to weigh in.

I kept my maiden name when we married and added his last name as well - so I'm Jenn maiden name married name. I don't care if you call me by my maiden name or by my married name, just don't call me Mrs. Matt hislastname. I didn't change my first name when I married him, and almost didn't change my last name either. I refuse to open mail addressed that way (it's usually junk, so doesn't matter). Hubby usually ends up opening it and deals with anything actually legit - while giving the addressee the quiet head's up that I have my own identity.

Welcome to the forum!

FYI, proper etiquette is actually Mrs. hisfirstname hislastname. Do the people that send the legit mail know ahead of time your preference? I only ask because if I'm not sure then I will always err on the side of proper etiquette. Especially since I have never felt that I became any less an individual since I've been married, I just don't think on those lines. Of course if I am then politely informed that the addressee prefers something different I will try my darndest to address them the way that they like.

I'm sorry, I should have clarified Other than junk mail, the only person who does it is my mother-in-law, who is rather toxic - refuses to address me by name (uses his ex-girlfriends name), caused problems with our wedding, etc. She knows my preferences and just doesn't care.

I realize it's proper etiquette, but my last name isn't his, it's maiden name married name. I don't mind responding to either my maiden name or just my married name, but I don't accept Mrs. hisname hislastname.

I should add - I don't feel my identity was swallowed up by marrying him. Is it too much to ask, though, that mailing specifically addressed to me actually be addressed to me? I should add - assuming his name at all was something I struggled greatly with, because of my accomplishments professionally pre-marriage, and only decided to add his last name because we're expecting and it's important to my husband for all of us to have the same name. Surely proper etiquette takes into the account the preferences of the person being addressed?

[MsEva]

""Surely proper etiquette takes into the account the preferences of the person being addressed""

You know, I'm not sure how proper etiquette handles this. You would think that ther person's preference would be held as most important, but what if since what the person wants is "technically" incorrect according to etiquette their preference is negated?

Is there even a correct answer since the whole name preference is rather recent and the old proper etiquette never had to address this issue?

I will be pondering this all day. 

No matter the answer I will always try to go with whatever makes the other person most comfortable.

Who wants to weigh in?

ps. Sorry about your MIL, jennmatt.

[Clara Bow]

I gave up my last name to marry my husband and take his name, which I did because I wanted to (it also gave me a dandy excuse to drop the middle name I've always hated. I just subbed in my maiden name). But my mother and father gave me my first name, they chose it with care (if you can call getting your name off the Walton's care, LOL) and I do not want to drop it. So we're Mr Hisname and Mrs Myname Ourlastname.
We like it, and so far no one thinks we're too weird!

[Athos_000]

I voted "other" because I honestly do not care.  I haven't changed my name yet, I might in the future if I have kids, but technically I AM mrs hubbyslastname. I did marry the guy afterall. People can call us whatever they want

[WithoutIssue]

I voted other.

His-initials & my-initials our-lastname
or his-first & myfirst our-lastname
or my-first & his-first our-lastname

If is it just to me then  my-initials our-lastname my-first our-lastname

I took his last name when we married because in all honest,y I was too lazy to do much to go with the flow. I really did not care. For me (and I know some people are horrified by this concept) my last name means very little. It's a shared name and there is nothing individual about it. Whilst my first name is not unique it is mine and it is what I am known by. Perhaps if I had been able to complete my professional qualification (that was studying for pre-marriage) I would have kept my maiden name at work, because it was more relevance.  Circumstances were such it was not completed so I didn't really care what surname I went by.

Whilst many years ago Mr & Mrs Hisfirst HisLast may have been the correct way, I understand that one of the underlying principles of etiquette is about making someone else comfortable so surely it is acceptable to address someone in they way they wish to be addressed.

[Brentwood]

Surely proper etiquette takes into the account the preferences of the person being addressed?

Yes, if the preference is known. If the preference is unknown, many people will fall back on traditionally correct forms of address.