Married couples: How do you LIKE to be addressed?

[veryfluffy]

For those who prefer Mr and Mrs Hisfirstname Lastname, do you also refer to yourself as Mrs. Hisfirstname Lastname? Technically, if you want to be "correct" that's what is should say on your cheque-books, correspondence, etc.

If I wanted to be Mrs. David Flutterby on my checks, legally I could do so, but it's not a "formal" situation as would be, say, a wedding invitation. Casual correspondence and things like checking accounts and drivers' licenses do not generally include titles at all. For example, signing my posts here as Mrs. David Flutterby would be awfully silly, when there's nothing wrong in etiquette-speak with signing just my first name, Cathy.

I do hope that "Flutterby" is your real name -- I think that is wonderful heck, I think if I was marrying someone whose surname was Flutterby, even I would change mine!

But let's say your bank or some other company writes to you. At least here in the UK, they would always address it using the title. Now, apparently according to "traditional" etiquette, it is absolutely incorrect for them to address it to Mrs. Cathy Flutterby, and it should only be to Mrs. David Flutterby.

[freakyfemme]

If I ever get married, well, I'll still be Ms. Freakyfemme Starvingartist, or, if I ever get a Doctorate, Dr. Freakyfemme Starvingartist......and my husband will be Mr. (or Dr.) Husband Lastname, of course.  Marrying someone doesn't mean "becoming" that person, so that's why I'm not going to change my name.  I might do the hyphenated thing, at the most, but I'm not going to change my name altogether.

[Brentwood]

I do hope that "Flutterby" is your real name -- I think that is wonderful heck, I think if I was marrying someone whose surname was Flutterby, even I would change mine!

But let's say your bank or some other company writes to you. At least here in the UK, they would always address it using the title. Now, apparently according to "traditional" etiquette, it is absolutely incorrect for them to address it to Mrs. Cathy Flutterby, and it should only be to Mrs. David Flutterby.

Unfortunately, no, Flutterby is not my real name.

The bank addresses correspondence to us exactly as it is listed on our account - Catherine and David Flutterby.

[LifeOnPluto]

I'd be more than happy to take on my (future) husband's firstname AND lastname. And not just formal correspondence, if people want to call me Husband's Firstname in informal correspondence and oral communication, well that's fine too. The blokier name my hubby has, the better!

My current boyfriend's name is Craig. I can't want to adopt it! Just think of the possibilities!

"Yes hello, this is Craig speaking. I'd like to make an appointment for a manicure."
"Hello, nice to meet you. my name is Craig. And this is my husband - Craig!"
(if pregnant) "Yes, Craig and I are expecting. If it's a boy, we'll call him Craig. If it's a little girl, well, we'll call her Craig too! That way, the whole family will have matching names!"

[ethelberga]

I did not change my name when I got married (mutual decision - he fell in love with the me he associates with my name and he doesn't want that to change) so I prefer to be addressed by my legal name.  I don't get my knickers in a twist when my brother feels compelled to address things to "Mr. and Mrs. Hisfirst Hislast", but I'm very flattered that my extremely proper mother addresses things to Myfirst Mylast on one line and Hisfirst Hislast on a separate line.  It means a lot to me that she's willing to break convention to accommodate my preference, so I likewise accommodate her preference to be Mrs. Hisfirst Hislast.

The only time I really care is when people write me checks, and so far that hasn't been a problem.

[L1NDSAY]

I'd be more than happy to take on my (future) husband's firstname AND lastname. And not just formal correspondence, if people want to call me Husband's Firstname in informal correspondence and oral communication, well that's fine too. The blokier name my hubby has, the better!

My current boyfriend's name is Craig. I can't want to adopt it! Just think of the possibilities!

"Yes hello, this is Craig speaking. I'd like to make an appointment for a manicure."
"Hello, nice to meet you. my name is Craig. And this is my husband - Craig!"
(if pregnant) "Yes, Craig and I are expecting. If it's a boy, we'll call him Craig. If it's a little girl, well, we'll call her Craig too! That way, the whole family will have matching names!"

That's really very funny but I'm not supposed to be giggling in the office - sshh!

[Alida]

Well, I'm not married yet, but I for one despise "Mr. and Mrs. Leo Bloom." My name isn't Leo, I'm Ulla.

Exactly!  I changed my last name, but I did not change my first name.  I'm still me!

[EddiesMom]

When DH and I married, I chose to retain my name, rather than taking his.  When we meet people, I introduce us by saying, "Hello, I am Firstname My lastname, and this is my husband, Firstname His lastname."  If I am being introduced to DH's coworkers, it's "Hello, I 'm DH's wife, Firstname My lastname."

It never ceases to be a source of amusement that there are those who don't believe we are married because we have different last names.  Some years ago, I was in a shop and saw a beautiful piece of framing the owner had done.  She had taken the flowers from a customer's bridal bouquet, dried them, and arranged them in a shadow box frame around a wedding invitation.  I commented that I might have her do the same with my bridal bouquet.  She looked at me oddly and asked when DH and I had been married.  I replied, "thirteen years ago."

Oh did she turn red.  Turns out that a woman whom I considered a friend and was in my home on a regular basis had told her that we were not married because we didn't have the same last name.   When I think back to the number of times that woman would come to my home and sit on the couch directly under my wedding pictures!   



 

[Brentwood]

When DH and I married, I chose to retain my name, rather than taking his.  When we meet people, I introduce us by saying, "Hello, I am Firstname My lastname, and this is my husband, Firstname His lastname."  If I am being introduced to DH's coworkers, it's "Hello, I 'm DH's wife, Firstname My lastname."

It never ceases to be a source of amusement that there are those who don't believe we are married because we have different last names.  Some years ago, I was in a shop and saw a beautiful piece of framing the owner had done.  She had taken the flowers from a customer's bridal bouquet, dried them, and arranged them in a shadow box frame around a wedding invitation.  I commented that I might have her do the same with my bridal bouquet.  She looked at me oddly and asked when DH and I had been married.  I replied, "thirteen years ago."

Oh did she turn red.  Turns out that a woman whom I considered a friend and was in my home on a regular basis had told her that we were not married because we didn't have the same last name.   When I think back to the number of times that woman would come to my home and sit on the couch directly under my wedding pictures!   



 

I think it's strange in this day and age that people don't believe you can be married and have two different names. My sister and BIL have been married for 16 years and have two different names. I've had a different name from my oldest daughter for half her life, but I'm still her mother.

[Athos_000]

"Yes, Craig and I are expecting. If it's a boy, we'll call him Craig. If it's a little girl, well, we'll call her Craig too! That way, the whole family will have matching names!"

hahaha! One of our IT guys here is  named Craig.. I just got this great mental image of a whole family with his face saying "hi we're Craig"

[smuflo]

Hi all,

I voted other because my husband and I have confused things more than usual.  We got married when we were both 30 and neither one of us really wanted to "give up" our last names.  So we compromised and both took on a hyphenated name.  We are Mr and Mrs MyLastName-HisLastName (hereafter called Jones-Smith for simplicity).  We chose to put my name first because it sounded better than Smith-Jones, and that was, honestly, the only reason.

You can imagine the mail we get   Virtually every permutation under the sun except for the correct ones.  I've had my last name changed into a middle initial (Mrs SMuFlo J. Smith), he's received things sent to Mr. Jones, and sometimes I'm not sure how they came up with the combination.

I answer to almost anything at this point, and I only get annoyed in two situations:

1) When certain members of his family INSIST, despite numerous gentle reminders, to send cards, checks, whatever to Mr and Mrs Smith.  If only I had hyphenated my name, I'd be fine with that. However, we both have the same last name (albeit a long one), that we like and we'd really appreciate it if they'd use it.

2) When business colleagues or various "professionals" that we encounter on a regular basis (i.e. doctors, insurance agents, etc) call me Mrs Smith, then get upset with me and argue that I'm incorrect when I gently remind them of how I like to be addressed.  In the case of the Doctor, our health insurance is under Jones-Smith, and it is important that they get the name right so the claim will go through.  The last time I was there, I was subjected to a five minute diatribe from the receptionist about how wrong I was to object to being called Mrs Smith, and that I was insulting my husband and his entire family by "raising a fuss" (which I didn't do, but never mind).  I waited until she had run out of steam a bit, and explained that I was not insulting my husband because we were both Jones-Smith.  She then muttered something about my husband being a wuss, which I chose to ignore if only to get out of the situation.

[mumma to KMC]

I voted for Mr and Mrs. His name OurLastName...when things are addressed to us. I would like to be called Mrs. Lastname by someone and that has yet to happen. (And we have been married for over 2 years.)

I think I am more traditional in the whole name thing as I was offended when my sil sent a present for the new little baby (prior to birth) and it was address to Baby Mymaidenname-Mymarriedname. While they (sils) like to say that I am the "crazy one" for marrying into the family name that they all married to get rid of, I love my married name and took it with honor because I love my dh. Where sil got the idea to hyphenate dd's last name, I will never know.

[smuflo]

I think I am more traditional in the whole name thing as I was offended when my sil sent a present for the new little baby (prior to birth) and it was address to Baby Mymaidenname-Mymarriedname. While they (sils) like to say that I am the "crazy one" for marrying into the family name that they all married to get rid of, I love my married name and took it with honor because I love my dh. Where sil got the idea to hyphenate dd's last name, I will never know.

That is odd.  My Husband and I chose to inflict the hyphenation on ourselves (and any future children).  We went in with open eyes and knew that this was going to be hard row to hoe.  I'm not sure why your SIL, who obviously knows your preferences, would choose to make the baby name more complicated.

[Scritzy]

I voted Mr. Hisname HisLastName and Ms. Hername HerLastName, but the titles can be left off.

My last name is hyphenated. I wasn't going to change it at all when I married because (a) I had a professional reputation built in my name and (b) I don't believe in taking a man's name at marriage; but Chip wanted people to know we were married, so the hyphenation was a compromise. Many people (especially doctors) still call me by my birth name.

Do NOT call me Scritzy Chip'sLastName or Scritzy MyBirthNameInitial Chip'sLastName. Ever. Call me by my hyphenated name (it's ONE name, don't split it) or my birth name, but not his name.

Being called the wrong name is my pet peeve to end all pet peeves!