Misused and abused: Was it really an assumption?

[Bob Ducca]

Dindrane, I think that is an excellent point, and very well said.

[RubyTuesday]

I agree, Dindrane. The first time I saw one poster say "that's an interesting assumption" to another on this board I was totally blown away. I think everybody on Ehell knows it basically means, "Shut up, you idiot," in nicer language, and for someone on an etiquette board to say that to someone else is almost unbelievable to me.

[Felica]

*pulls on thicker skin* Whew. Ok, here goes.

I have used this line on this forum. I used it because I asked for opinions in a thread and after the thread got about a page and a half long, my indesicion about what I asked about went away. When I STARTED the thread, I didn't know how I felt about it. After reading several posts from folk here, and thinking things through, I made up my mind about it. And I made a post to this effect, just so people reading would know that I had done so. AFTER I made that post, I did defend my newly decided decision and I did get a bit snarky with one poster because I felt like they implied something about my parenting skills. I realized I was snarky and apologized. But another poster then decided to tell me I had only posted for support, not opinions. I can see where it may have looked that way IF YOU DIDN"T READ THE WHOLE THREAD and saw where I posted about reaching a decision about the whole thing. I pointed that poster to that post, and then another when it came up again. When a third person again latched on to that theory,assuming that I was just posting for support rather than opinions, and that I was now angry that people disagreed with me, I was rather frustrated because one of my worst peeves is people not reading posts fully before they post. So I posted the line. And fully admit is was me trying to find a nice way of ending the conversation without saying 'shut up'.

I've read where several people on this thread think it's wrong to use it here but I disagree. I don't see why if it's perfectly appropriate to use in life, it wouldn't be appropriate to use here. After all, we're all human and we all get our backs up occasionally, and we all make mistakes and need to be called on them. Why would you advocate something to others but not to yourself? Why would the line be ok and proper and NOT rude in RL but wrong here? Are we special because we post here? I don't think so. I know I am just as capable of making assumptions here as I am in RL, and I try to not be offended when someone calls me on them. I've apologized more than once on this board when I realized I was wrong. And someone using the line is a lot easier to swallow than someone telling you what a rude idiot you are.

Of course, this is just my opinion, and I may be wrong.

[JordanX]

I don't see why if it's perfectly appropriate to use in life, it wouldn't be appropriate to use here. After all, we're all human and we all get our backs up occasionally, and we all make mistakes and need to be called on them. Why would you advocate something to others but not to yourself? Why would the line be ok and proper and NOT rude in RL but wrong here? Are we special because we post here? I don't think so. I know I am just as capable of making assumptions here as I am in RL, and I try to not be offended when someone calls me on them. I've apologized more than once on this board when I realized I was wrong. And someone using the line is a lot easier to swallow than someone telling you what a rude idiot you are.

I think it's fine using TAIA here if you use it under the appropriate circumstances, just like it's only appropriate IRL if you use it under the appropriate circumstances.  IMO, the appropriate circumstances are much less likely to occur on a message board in which everyone is welcome to state their opinions as long as they do so in a polite manner.  Most posts are conducted in this vein, which is why TAIA is often used inappropriately (as it was on me--not by you--when I offered my solicited opinion in a polite manner and was told TAIA).

IRL, it appears that people are prone to offering rude and/or unsolicited opinions, in which case TAIA is a good way to shut them down and end the discussion.  On a message board, trying to shut down another poster/end the discussion is not typically proper behavior, so TAIA has often seemed to be used inappropriately.

I guess I'm thinking that TAIA is really a line that is to be used when someone is being rude, and there just isn't much rudeness on these boards.

[Twik]

"That's an interesting assumption" is not necessarily "shut up, you idiot". It's (1) a warning that the other person is not happy with that particular conversational trend, and (2) more importantly, a hint that maybe you DO need to go and look at what it is that you're assuming. Often a misunderstanding can be smoothed out quite easily when both parties clarify what their base of thought is.

[RubyTuesday]

Posted by: Foxxyfox 
Insert Quote
*pulls on thicker skin* Whew. Ok, here goes.

I have used this line on this forum. I used it because I asked for opinions in a thread and after the thread got about a page and a half long, my indesicion about what I asked about went away. When I STARTED the thread, I didn't know how I felt about it. After reading several posts from folk here, and thinking things through, I made up my mind about it. And I made a post to this effect, just so people reading would know that I had done so. AFTER I made that post, I did defend my newly decided decision and I did get a bit snarky with one poster because I felt like they implied something about my parenting skills. I realized I was snarky and apologized. But another poster then decided to tell me I had only posted for support, not opinions. I can see where it may have looked that way IF YOU DIDN"T READ THE WHOLE THREAD and saw where I posted about reaching a decision about the whole thing. I pointed that poster to that post, and then another when it came up again. When a third person again latched on to that theory,assuming that I was just posting for support rather than opinions, and that I was now angry that people disagreed with me, I was rather frustrated because one of my worst peeves is people not reading posts fully before they post. So I posted the line. And fully admit is was me trying to find a nice way of ending the conversation without saying 'shut up'.

I've read where several people on this thread think it's wrong to use it here but I disagree. I don't see why if it's perfectly appropriate to use in life, it wouldn't be appropriate to use here. After all, we're all human and we all get our backs up occasionally, and we all make mistakes and need to be called on them. Why would you advocate something to others but not to yourself? Why would the line be ok and proper and NOT rude in RL but wrong here? Are we special because we post here? I don't think so. I know I am just as capable of making assumptions here as I am in RL, and I try to not be offended when someone calls me on them. I've apologized more than once on this board when I realized I was wrong. And someone using the line is a lot easier to swallow than someone telling you what a rude idiot you are.

Of course, this is just my opinion, and I may be wrong.

 

Posting descriptive past instances of where we used the line is going to lead to trouble, I just know it! For example, I know which thread you are talking about, Foxxy. I recognize myself in your description (as the person who suggested you were "seeking validation"), and I feel you are portraying my role in that thread extremely innacurately. I ducked out of that thread (and without a "goodbye cruel thread" post, too!) because I didn't think correcting your misinterpretation of my post was worth it. When you later posted "the line" to a poster who was arguing some mutated variation of my point, I was glad I did.

But now you're bringing up an old topic in detail, complaining loudly about people that you know can hear you, and my self-restraint just isn't good enough to keep quiet a second time! But since hashing this out on an unrelated thread is inappropriate, feel free to PM me if you would like me to clarify the point I made in my post.

If you were looking for a "nice" way to end the conversation in that thread, "what an interesting assumption" didn't work. I thought your posting the line in that case was abrupt, rude, and showed an incorrect understanding of the word "assumption."

[Felica]

Well, I'm sorry to say I disagree with most of what you posted but see no point in continuing this particular OT conversation, on or off the board. So what say we let it go at that? Agreed?

[RubyTuesday]

Yep, that sounds good to me, Foxxy. If anything, I would have wanted to clarify that when I posted, I hadn't intended to comment on your motivations, just on your wording of the question. Assigning motivations to an OP is one of my pet peeves on Ehell, and I would be mortified if somebody thought that's what I was doing.

Anyway, we'll agree to disagree.