General Etiquette > Family and Children

empty christmas gift promise?

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gadget--gal:
Yes, I have a have a post about Christmas just gone!  :P

in our (extended)  family my mum or her sisters offers to host Christmas each year. This year my youngest aunt offered. Normally my my mum and aunts share the cost by bringing a dishe or snacks. This year, I phoned my aunt to ask what I could bring.  (I haven't contributed before but this is the second christmas since I've left home.) After this conversation she asked what I wanted for Christmas.

I was a litte bit suprised because she has never bought me a  christmas present: when I was a child she was young single and um, scatter-brained even when she had toddlers. She'd promise things but she'd never followed through with anything. Now that me and the older cousins have grown up, we don't expect anything from anyone apart from our parents. However, she is now older, with teenagers, settled, own home etc. etc. This is also the first time she volunteered to do christmas (a few years ago she was told to do it!) so maybe I assumed she was doing things differently.

so off the top of my head, I asked for a particular make-up brush from the brand she and I both use. Inexpensive, and she knows where to get it, she even has one of her own. She said fine, she'll get it. One christmas day when present's were being given out, everyone got a present apart. On Christmas Eve, she said she wasn't able to get it but she'd get it later. I said 'Ok'. On christmas day, when the presents were being passed out all the younger kids got presents, as expected, and so did my mum and aunts. The cousins and I, (6 in total) got nothing. Fair enough, I wasn't expecting anything but why give out presents to everyone except a group of people? and why get people's hopes up by promising something and not following through??

HorseFreak:
My mother's cousin did that to me when I was a kid. She gave me a gift for either my birthday or x-mas (they're within 10 days of each other) and then promised to UPS me something else. I was absolutely happy with what she had already gotten me, but I anxiously waited for the gift that never arrived. I later learned that that is typical behavior for her and I never expected anything from her again.

Now I'm in veterinary school and she keeps asking me to examine her dog or provide treatment in the future for free. I told her if she thinks her dog needs its teeth cleaned then bring it to the vet since it probably does. I've only seen this woman every couple years throughout my life and I feel I owe nothing to her. My aunt on my father's side gave me $4000 towards college and has always been there for me, but she doesn't demand restitution. I don't feel in the least obligated to give anything to my mom's cousin, besides the fact that I don't plan on practicing on small animals.

Expect nothing from this woman and you'll be delighted when they come through in the slightest. It's gotten me through a lot of years with certain members of my extended family. They (usually) don't mean it personally, so try not to take it to heart.

Athos_000:
I had an uncle that would come to visit and always promise my sisters and I various gifts. My mom got into the habit of explaining to us after he left not to expect any of the gifts to actually arrive. Uncle was a compulsive liar and would constantly promise things and tell stories that were not true. When I was in college but still living with my parents he asked me to type some document for him. I told him to come over and I would type it. I stayed home all day waiting for him and he never showed up or called. Later he told my dad that he came by and I wasn't home. I was ticked, but used to him by that point in my life. Luckily he was so notorious for lying that nobody believed him when he'd say negative things about other people.

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